Good point Tracii G..
Gina,
You are right to choose the path that suits you.
We can't all be gender warriors and fight every battle that comes along. Its a case of picking and choosing the battles where you feel you can make a difference. A social group might be the right place for some for others its a workplace. Sometimes its down to changing peoples minds one at a time.
The good news is that I have had some wonderful Gina time with wife and daughter gone visiting family including grandpa dying from Alzheimer's. To celebrate my day, I am wearing some vintage Hanes stockings, and nice lingerie. Slept in them last night: divine sensuality. And, it is even not too hot yet.
No Lorileigh, this is where I disagree:
"I find that the L&G of the LGBT really don't want "us" tagging along and I think it is due to the small minority that makes the rest of world uncomfortable with "us"." - Lorileigh
"If we do not hang together we will certainly hang separately." -Benjamin Franklin
ALWAYS plan for the worst, then you can be pleasantly surprised if something else happens!
"The important thing about the bear is not how well she dances, but that she dances at all." - Old Russian Proverb (with a gender change)
I certainly agree with my old friends Lorileah, Tracii and Rog. I do believe that, interestingly, they each represent a different segment under the TG umbrella. If that particular church wishes to exclude hetero CDs that most likely make up 80% of the entire LGBTQ communuty ---that's their right. I might question the reasoning but I have no reason to be insulted.
Julie
Summer-wear time
I was asked not to come back to my church of 6 years when I came out as a Trans woman. I say be grateful that your church has come this far. Go and educate the other LGB people and be yourself. As far as being a gender warrior yes there are plenty of us out here fighting for equality and we appreciate your support.
Life Is One Big Dilation
All,
Reading responses again, with more reflection, this quote comes to mind. Kudos to Lorileah!!
The big difference is LGB are sexualities, T is an identity. In the T we are straight, gay and bi. Now if it is a social group, let's say bent on dating or partnering, then they should include gay/lesbian T's but why would a hetero T want to be in it? You would be marginalized at the gatherings,. you wouldn't share the things they formed a group for.
Bingo, right to the point why I am uncomfortable going to a church, but social focused (lets date), and offsite social mixer. Focus is not on religion or Principles. Pastor confirmed, they have never had any M to F participation. As I am not gay or bi, my discomfort is extremely high and fit low. Its too bad as part of me would like to get out there and perhaps educate a bit. What I AM doing though is dialoging with three of our pastors on my T and gender dysphoric experiences, opinions and such.
Last edited by Lorileah; 05-17-2017 at 12:21 AM. Reason: you didn't need to say that
Well, i an still a man, and am a rugged individualist, in spite of my cding. I never did like any kind of "group think" A little John Wayne, in this Alice. Everyone is an individual, even if going to a group of any kind. i go to a 12 step Codependents Anonymous group, and am one of the only SINGLEs there. My issues are different from all the marrieds that are there, and i am kind of left out, for it, seldom am hugged now. I have always beena bit of a loner, like my dad was.
Well there are always different ways for cd /tg people to get out and socialize. And just as many ways to keep a more private lifestyle . All is ok for each to choose.
I agree with the idea that LGB doesnt always get the T from a deep level , but I think that the LGB gets the T from the perspective of being an outsider position. .
For that reason there is a connection of support that happens. Its not always a perfect match , but i think an invite can be measured as genuine . The church group (or any "lgbt" group)
Will probably tolerate a lot of variables in its membership .
.. i have met many crossdressers and self described trans people. The straight or gay or bi thing doesnt really make people turn away from eachother in sharing common experiences about crossgender/crossdresser ideas.
Gina,
I am confused. What is it, specifically, that is making you uncomfortable? Have the clergy or other members done or said something unwelcoming or hostile?
Kelly Marie,
Specifically I have been "hit on" several times at our church by various gay men looking. I trigger "gay-dar" even when wearing a wedding ring. My wife does not attend church with me. Wearing motorcycle leathers projects an image. Nope, I am not "leather man" -- they are to keep me safe, warm and dry during winter season riding.
I am not attracted, at all, to men. The pastors are not the issue, the male gay Senior pastor very much wants diversity, Unity and One-ness. I just can't get there in this venue.
Also I tend to be fairly introverted. Walking into a room full of mostly strangers, and being expected to explain myself as straight, M to F and T seems a bit toxic. It would be stressful as hell for me, and I also have no desire to broadcast to a large group my situation. My wife and friends that do not know about "Gina" likely would find out via wagging tongues. Poof goes any confidentiality and my wife would be mad as hell.
At my early sixties, I no longer feel I have to please others or "force" being an extravert when unwelcome. I guard my own peace and sanity.
Make sense?
Thanks for that clarification. It sounds like there is no fault with the clergy, nor its members. You just are trying to maintain your own sanity and comfort zones, which from what I understand, means minimal to zero interaction with the strangers at the church gatherings. Plus, you do not want to be found out, and that chance may truly increase if you are out at your church. Just enjoy what you have and live your life as you want under your own self instituted restrictions. If you do need to get out to test the waters or enjoy new experiences you can do that far from home when you get or make the chance. Good luck.
Gina I think I understand where you are coming from. I used to attend two groups that were predominantly gay and lesbian and some girls who were transitioning. As a straight CDer at times I did feel like the red headed step-child. One group I stopped attending for that reason, I felt that I was ignored. The other group I did stick with and after a while I felt comfortable and made friends with all the groups. I stopped attending eventually in that it was too far away.
I'm no warrior but you make your own comfort zone.