Hey everyone, it's been a long time since I've been active on the forums.
I was hoping to get a bit of insight into your lives pre transition.
Last year I went to gender counselling for 6/7 months, I went to a psychologist for a diagnosis who was happy to do so. I booked a consultation for laser hair removal which turned out it wouldn't be effective due to my hair colouration and I felt rather disheartened.
I knew laser wasn't entirely permanent and because I was questioning I felt it was an easy choice to make over electrolysis incase I came to the conclusion it wasn't for me.
I went on a holiday shortly after this and when I came back I decided to try and man up and put all this behind me and it would all go away. 2 months later I was on anti anxiety pills which I've been on now for 9 months, they're keeping my head above water but that's about it.
I went to a new counsellor last week, one not specialising in gender so there was no pre beliefs or motive perhaps.
I'm trying to take stock of my life; I have a job, I have a savings account, I've friends, Im about to enter my final year of college next September so everything is looking fine but I still feel like something is wrong and I don't know what to do.
I can't remember the last time I crossdressed, I stopped posting here, I shut down my Facebook account and essentially pushed away that aspect of myself yet I can't get away from transitioning, it's been on my mind for over a year, almost every day and I can't tell if it's causing my issues because it's not the right choice, or if it's causing the issues because it is the right choice.
As I said I can't remember the last time I crossdressed, I haven't worn makeup or anything of that aspect but most of my thoughts are on my gender role and shift into my body.
This evening on the way to bed I looked in the mirror on the stairs and could see a female face and I just felt like crying but couldn't and I just don't know what to make of this. I can't tell if these thoughts are genuine or a by product of anxiety or depression or something else.
So my question is, what were you like before deciding to move forward?
Thanks in advance