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Thread: I started coming out at work today...

  1. #1
    Aspiring Member
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    I started coming out at work today...

    Yep, I took the first step toward transitioning at work today. My original plan was a two-step process. I had planned to come out to HR and my direct managers first and do all the transitioning planning and whatnot with them and then at the point I switched to working as Alyssa I would notify the full company of 50 people.

    Well I ended up modifying it a little bit. I sent my letter and an additional package of information just to the HR director today. My thought was she's probably never been down this road with an employee before and this way she can do some research and be prepared for questions from my management when I come out to them. So I sent the files over to just her and within 30 minutes got a reply back that she had received and read them.

    A few moments later I got an Instant Message from her telling me again that she had read them and then explaining to me that she has multiple friends who are in various stages of transition so she understands. She admitted she would have never suspected this was happening with me but that she supports me fully. When I mentioned I was a little nervous and unsure of what to expect in terms of reaction from my management, she assured me that she was confident my job will never be in danger. Having her understanding and support plus that reassurance was like a huge weight lifted off my shoulders.

    So the plan now is, with my permission, she's talking to a friend of hers tonight who transitioned in place at his job. Her hope is to find out what went well and what challenges he encountered during his transition. Then her and I are going to meet tomorrow to discuss and once she feels she's prepped for the questions that may come, I'll send out the materials to my management. So that should all hopefully be complete by the end of this week or early next week at the latest. I've asked for a November 1 transition date, figuring by that point it'll probably be easier for me to present as female than it will male. Laser treatments should be done at that point on my beard and HRT effects should be pretty visible. I did leave that date open to negotiation however, so we'll see what happens. If they accept that date then I'm hoping to be full-time in all aspects of life in time for the holidays. Best laid plans and all that, I'm just in a day-to-day mode right now

  2. #2
    Transgender Person Pat's Avatar
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    Awesome! It's wonderful that she got back to you fast and sent redundant messages to make sure you got it. It sounds like she's strongly in your corner. You've got a target, you've got a plan and you have support. Good luck!
    I am not a woman; I don't want to be a woman; I don't want to be mistaken for a woman.
    I am not a man; I don't want to be a man; I don't want to be mistaken for a man.
    I am a transgender person. And I'm still figuring out what that means.

  3. #3
    Junior Member Julie77's Avatar
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    Good luck. Sounds like you are on a great path.

  4. #4
    Member JenniferLynn0370's Avatar
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    Congrats and best wishes for continued success, Alyssa!!

    Hugs, Jen

  5. #5
    Junior Member
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    Congratulations! Your relationship with the HR person will make a huge difference. I wish you well!

  6. #6
    Senior Member mbmeen12's Avatar
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    Good for you hun....It is a big step and wishing you well.

    xo Kara
    Escapism isn't necessarily bad, but is definitely unhealthy in the long term. While helpful in the short term, things will degrade over time. At some point, the escapee will have to face the issue. Things simply blowing over isn't really going to happen in many situations.

  7. #7
    Gold Member Lana Mae's Avatar
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    Best wishes with your transition! Hugs Lana Mae
    Life is worth living!
    "Foxy lady! You look so good!!" Jimi Hendrix

  8. #8
    Aspiring Member
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    Hey all, just a quick update. On Wednesday my HR director presented my letter and transition package to my CEO and VP. After the meeting she sent me an email indicating that they are reviewing the materials and that she'll schedule a follow-up discussion among the four of us in which we'll begin planning for my transition. She also stated that she stressed to them and to me that this disclosure in no way changes how we work together and that it is all business as usual.

    Later I had an opportunity to chat with her via instant messenger. She shared with me that in the meeting there were no looks of shock or discomfort. She also told me that the CEO mentioned that he has been through an employee's transition before at his previous company so he has a good understanding of the general process. The way she put it to me was "this was about the best reaction we could have hoped for". So there you have it, so far so good.

    The transition planning will be very telling about how the company will actually handle this. The true test of course will come when we actually reach that transition date and I'm out to the whole company and they now have to start calling me Alyssa, using proper pronouns and seeing me as a woman. Only time will tell but so far the resuls are encouraging.

  9. #9
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    so far so good. fingers crossed.

  10. #10
    New Member Dakota1981's Avatar
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    Alyssa that is so awesome. I'm glad it's going well for you. The one thing that I'd fear if I make the choice to transition is coming out in a work environment. But you're doing it and I'm happy for you. Love the updates too.
    Having a soft heart in a cruel world is courage, not weakness.

  11. #11
    Aspiring Member Janelle_C's Avatar
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    Alyssa I'm so happy for you! I hope everything keeps going really well for you!
    "And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom" Anais Nin.

    Live, Laugh, and Love Yourself!

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