I think it is extremely important to accept your self as who you are, that includes all your characteristics as a human being. If you have disability, scars or whatever, if you don't accept that part of yourself, you may not be happy in life at all.
I also had those questions many times until I realized I need to accept that part of me as all other parts as well. It's not easy but possible. being a CD does not make us a bad person, perhaps it makes us more sensitive in our relationships.
Well it's been three months since I touched any girl clothes.
I see a lot saying the wife wants their man back.
What about the man wanting their girl back.
My wife dresses up nice but dose not wear dresses like she did thirty years ago.
I really miss the times when she use to wear sexy dresses and lingerie.
"This is ME" I am not CRAZY, I'm just a GUY who likes dresses!
Since allot of men dress up in woman's clothing that makes it a manly thing to do!
Much more fun than fishing.
I do construction like house building and I love CD-ing, what's the difference?
For some the dressing is not a reflection of a feminine identity, but to others it is very much that. For the latter, dressing is an expression of something that is there in the identity that comes out and stays out or flickers off and on to various degrees. I believe you have to find what your motivation is. If it is just a fun little game that gives you some good feelings, then stopping is possible if you can find something to replace that with. But if the desire to dress is preceded by really deep and strong senses that who you are most of the time (masculine/male) just isn't quite right and a powerful need to match the outward expression with the inner feelings then quitting is not likely to work in the long run.
On the other hand, we are trying to juggle our inner feelings with a need to at least meet some of the expectations of a SO who does not and really cannot fully understand the whys of all of this. That creates a lot of conflict in our lives and in someone who needs to express feminine when the identity comes on strongly that creates guilt because you know you are not meeting expectations. In my experience, compromises are the only feasible solution. If I were to be Gretchen all the time the marriage would dissolve. We rarely talk about it, but she knows when I am getting those feelings as my behavior patterns tend to change and I seem conflicted, more serious, and more moody like I am depressed. It isn't depression; it is gender dysphoria. We have developed a way of managing it. But for me, the identity is more important than the expression of that identity so the dressing is not absolutely essential so long as I can express the identity in my views of life and my daily thinking. Everybody has their own patterns because if there is a need due to an identity, irrespective of whether it is full time or part time, the playing the compromise may not be ideal but it is for the best of all. If you wish to continue the marriage then management on the part of both parties is necessary. But forcing the other to do what they don't want to do or don't understand so the one can do as they please never works for long. In my opinion, well designed compromises are the only viable solution in the long run unless the SO is willing to accept fully who the other person is. It happens and it can be very successful, but it is rare.
I'm in a DADT marriage. I think the last time we had any discussion was more than three decades ago. It has been a true DADT. My wife says absolutely nothing about it. There are no snide remarks. There are no condescending comments. Sometimes she comments about a news program we are watching. I know she would not stay with any man who would transition to being a woman. On occasion I have not put away a panty or bra. She will tell me she picked it up and placed it on top of the washing machine. I do not modify my body in any manner. I do not shave my legs because I have no hair follicles on my calves or thighs.
I told my wife decades ago that I do not know why I do what I do. I told her wearing women's clothing has nothing to do with her. It predates me even meeting her. I was not dressed up by my mother or aunt. I have no female cousins. My sister was born when I was twelve. I told her life would have been a lot less complicated if I did not wear women's clothing. She knows I have never strayed in our marriage. She knows I have been a good provider and protector. I always put other before myself. I have done things society demanded of me which I am sure only a very minute number of forum members have done.
What made me this way? It's all conjecture.
1) Past lives? My wife actually believes there may be an influence of a past life. I've read accounts of these, and, some seem to be rather convincing. Did a woman who lived before me imprint something in my mind before she moved on? Maybe.
2) DNA? My PTSD counselor is of the opinion everyone has some degree of the other sexes' DNA code. She says it is stronger in some than others. When I was growing up as a rough and tumble boy I had zero interest in any feminine. It was sports. It was playing cowboys and Indians and war....post World War 2 kid who watched westerns such as The Lone Ranger, Gene Autry, etc. Again, no sister. No female cousins. Yada yada.
1 and 2 sound plausible. Think about it. Why in the world would any man want to dress as a woman and endure the endless hardships and torments that come with it? Pleeeeeasse do not retort you love the feel of the fabric, the colors, the whatever!!!
I think a woman who truly chastises her husband for wearing women's clothing really really has a closed mind and does not want to consider any reasoning. Think about it! For her to accept cross dressing in her husband is also casting her into an unfavorable light as to the norms and expectations of a woman in our society. I truly love reading on this site about women who have acknowledged their husbands needs to express their inner selves. Amen!
I used to think that way, then I'd "purge".
BIG mistake and the cycle would start all over again.
I think I've "purged" a total of 4 times.
And if the question ever arises, I just pack everything in boxes and in the attic or rental storage unit they go.
No more "purging", ever.
Will I ever stop dressing? Who knows, but even if I do I'll never "purge" again.
Can you believe it? I still miss my mini-pleated red tartan skirt that I "purged" over 20 years ago.
So, yes, maybe I'll stop dressing but I'll never get rid of ANYTHING. Besides, it's kind of like a child's security blanket, knowing it's all still within reach.
I've got way too much time, effort and money invested in Cheryl's wardrobe to turn my back on her for keeps.
About 4 months ago my husband wanted to purge, he thought I didn't accept it. The reality was that I didn't want to push him or embarrass him. We had been together for 14 years when I found his clothes. I thought it was another woman, but it was him. I accepted and even asked him why he didn't share sooner. He was terrified I would leave.
I don't care if he gets tired of it, or wants to quit, but I will never let him purge, just in case he changes his mind. He never has to do it, but we have discovered so much about each other and our relationship has grown so much since he has opened up more. I've even convinced him to go to a few clubs and dress to go in few select public places.
Leigh, and Sherry, I must admit, part of me would like to quit, but, i really do not want to totally quit, like some people have told me to do, and which church says to do. So, i must mostly hide it, as it is a part of me, that i cannot seem to totally quit. I wish the wives who read this forum, and other GG's could see that.
Like Thoreau wrote, "The masses of men lead lives of quiet desperation." "It seems to me, that at least in America, the masses of women lead lives of loud expression."
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Stephanie. Thanks for the share. I really cannot understand the whys either. i have several reasons, but not the whole thing. My church greatly condemns it, so i have not attended for 7 years. It is all "straight as an arrow" longtime married men with kids and grandkids who are the ministers! They ,just like many in society, and religion, just say it is rebellion, and perversion. I do not consider long time married, faithful husbands like you, and others on here, as rebellious perverts!! Hell, legendary lawman J. Edgar Hoover is rumored as a crossdresser, and even gay, and i know he greatly upheld the ten commandments!! i believe there is some genetic DNA issue involved, and maybe some, experiences in early life, also. But, in my case, it is also being kept from the opposite sex, and being taught that "sex was dirty", and "skin was sin", and shame, and not having a real chance to have a love, and mate in my life. I now think, that even if i had married, i would still have the strong compulsion, though, now. I just wish the rigid , condemning people would realize, that there are exceptions, to the rules, and some of us , are decent people, and not perverts.
Last edited by Alice Torn; 05-23-2017 at 05:24 PM.
Hi Rachael, I think that Crossdressing is just like the Mafia, (YOU JUST CAN'T QUIT )>Orchid
Having my ears triple pierced is AWESOME, ~~......
I can explain it to you, But I can't comprehend it for you !
If at first you don't succeed, Then Skydiving isn't for you.
Be careful what you wish for, Once you ring a bell , you just can't Un-Ring it !! !!
Just fascinating discussion here. I will share that during my first, full on, professional transformation--the first time I looked in the mirror as Gina fully realized: I had a true deep experience of "that is the real me". I still have those pictures, and the memory comes back. For a few years I had several transformations, went out a few times and fully experienced my feminine self. Then it all slowly died out like a blazing fire to coals. Now we are DADT, for years, no discussion at all.
However I re-opened the Gina "box" and I continue to examine myself, the Spiritual aspects, within the framework of 63 years, life is short, and career finished.
I tend to "transcend" the physical feminine expression mostly, but deep within I am very feminine a lot of the time. But, not always. As far as being a "manly man"-- I can emulate that, but truly I think my wife married me because I am sensitive, a great communicator (mostly) and made a great father, faithful and reliable. All except, of course, lying to her for years about my second self.
I am working the problem. Thinking seriously about a Portland, OR trip to have a week as Gina, and see how it goes, how I feel about it, and be open to my wife about the results. That door is opening as a very, very close friend in the Portland area just got an all clear on surgeries for uterine cancer. The trip would be best if I can see my friend. She was the first to genuinely help me with makeup, dressing and self acceptance.
Getting back on topic a bit.... a lot on here will use a thread like tgis to proclaim we shouldn't, or it shouldn't be done, or that they cant/We can't. While all those have merit, the topic really is about the what if. I could, forever if the circumstances, which would be extreme, such as a kid, or my wife becoming permanently disabled and needed 24hr. Care. Under a circumstance like that is quit. Sometimes life gives you a hand to play that just is what it is. Not fair by any means. But, for me in such a circumstance, is give it up, let it go simply because so much of MY life would be centered in such a manner that dressing would just be a distraction. Not enough time to enjoy it. My kid would need their father, my wife would need the husband she married to care for her, and I would not make deviations for that. Sometimes a greater calling or sacrifice is needed, and I would without hesitation accept that fate.
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