Honestly or a lie??

[Paula2]

I am sure this question has been asked over and over...

"Why are we so afraid to be ourselves"???

So many of us are "pinned up" Inside our little closet...Why???

[Tracii G]

For most I think its the fear of being called gay.
I'm not in a closet and never have been come to think about it.

[Becky Blue]

Paula, some of us are not at all afraid of being ourselves, but choose to stay undercover for a range of reasons that may include family or work,

[Teresa]

Paula,
Accepting ourselves as CDers, has to come before anyone will accept us, that takes some time we have guilt and shame to contend with. This is all before we can even begin to tell your closest partner. The fear of them finding out, when that hurdle has been jumped it's then how much the immediate family should know . Some may find a comfort zone in that situation but if you want to be totally out then you have to contend with what society thinks .

It has taken me far too long to get to that point, I've found now that society just gets on with their own thing, if you don't interfere with them they will accept you . The problem with me still comes with a DADT situation,that is dealt with by finding a compromise.

I use to call being in the closet solitary confinement, I couldn't go back to living with my Cding that way .

[Maria_mtf]

This is one of those questions that the answer will be unique to everyone. I am not afraid of being called gay, I have gay friends and people in the office doesn't seem to be a big deal. Understanding yourself first is the reason I believe, I still can't decide if I have a fetish or if I dress for other reasons. If it's a fetish then it would make no sense to tell people and be "myself" in public.

The fear for me though comes from worrying what other people think and say about you, as much as everyone says don't worry it's just not that easy.

I hope you find the answer you are looking for.

[DIANEF]

I have left the confines of the house, but it is only comparatively recently and I still have yet to interact with anyone while dressed.I think that day will come, when I don't know. Although I'm not gay, or even bi, being called gay wouldn't worry me in the slightest

[mechamoose]

I'm not a CD person, I'm a dual natured person trying to express both sides of me and I still run into this question. I wear some female clothing at all times, the line that I argue with is how obvious it is. I mean, I will go out on a regular basis with painted fingers & toes, earrings, and other jewelry, girl pants and top... (and a beard, and none of the right curvy bits) but that isn't the same as sauntering down to the supermarket in a skirt. I *am* bisexual, and I'm sure when I'm girled-out that I get considered a gay person rather than transgendered or gender-queer. Being thought of as gay doesn't mean a thing to me, other than I wish they considered the alternative explanations.

There seem to be two areas of concern. One is personal safety. This can be either from your family or from the public, depending on where you live. Nobody wants a fight, verbal or otherwise.

The second is a 'discomfort' factor.. either your own or to not make others uncomfortable. That is equal parts courage and consideration. I don't want to flip out some poor mundane any more than I have to.. I'm just trying to be myself.

The problem isn't *you*, sweetie. It is that the rest of the world thinks in binary terms, and folks like us do NOT fit that binary. The thing I'm working on (with help from my therapist) is how to achieve that balance. How to be myself without being overly threatening to people not equipped to handle it.

<3

- MM

[alwayshave]

Because society judges people who do not meet norms and CDing is not considered by most people to be in the norm. No one wants to be judged. That being said, I have gone out. I have never been confronted while dressed.

[Sandy Storm]

Being from the Deep South Louisiana, but not New Orleans, society would be hard to deal with..also I have worked hard as a successful business owner and made self a name in my city. Here in the South where I know others do coming out in public would destroy what I have done..have witnessed this first hand..and of course to protect my wife, people would think that she was not a wife that could not please her manand that's why he does this! Which is definitely not true😍

[Judy-Somthing]

As we all know there are people out there who are very non excepting of any behavior other than strait.

[Meghan4now]

Paranoid it just good thinking when they are out to get you!

There are lots of reasons, with Tracii ' s topping the list. But it comes down to either thinking it's wrong or dangerous. And most of these feelings come from experience and upbringing. If you are told it is bad, or wrong, or see how others are treated, what do you expect? The only way to get past it is to recognize it for what it is, and get some more confirming experience in your life.

[Paigeturner71]

People don't consider alternative explanations bc they have no conception of what an alternative explanation might be. People are quick to label and mock that which they don't understand. Particularly in this country but I imagine it is pretty universal. ET didn't nor do CDers or really anything with initials...lol

[IleneD]

Face it, girls.
It's not you. It's not Us.
It's The World.

Were it not for the irrational misunderstanding, fear and loathing transmitted from others, including persons close to us, as negative feedback, all would be good. It's the open scornful opinions of others that have the greatest effect.

At some point in your gender fluid CD life there is a time when "I just don't give a damn about it anymore." It may come as a slow revelation or an epiphany. But it happens if you are going to be a healthy You.
It doesn't make public opinions go away, however.

[GeorgiaD]

SDC12070.jpg I struggled with my inner feelings for a decade or so before I found via the internet that I was not alone, and not weird or perverted. I visited a clinic and was told that I was almost certainly gender dysphoric but due to family circumstances I did nothing about it. I certainly don't think I'm gay and anyway that really wouldn't worry me. I think being gay is now not the problem it used to be, in most parts of the Uk certainly. My problem in coming out has been the response of my family to the LGBT community, and programmes, articles, etc. that have appeared in the press and on TV. This leads me to have serious doubts about what would happen should I emerge from my closet. I cannot risk losing my family. And so I do get out and about sometimes, and enjoy my freedom in that way, the best that I can. I am keen too share myself with others who accept and understand and this is why I am present on various sites. G x

[audreyinalbany]

I"ve got to say that just because we're not all out in the world al the time that doesn't mean we're 'afraid to be ourselves.' My self is a guy that enjoys dressing up and presenting as a woman from time to time. Sometimes I'm out in the world, sometimes I'm just at home. I'm not in all my friends faces about being a crossdresser and don't necessarily feel it's important that everyone know about it. I'm not that desperate about it that I feel like all of my friends need to accept the 'real' me. The real me IS the guy that they see : it's just that some things are better kept private. No one else needs to know that I prefer tighty-whiteys over boxers or that I sometimes think about old girlfriends when I'm with my wife and yet these are all aspects of 'the real me.' If everyone I know knew I was a crossdresser, I'd be embarrassed but it probably wouldn't be the end of the world, but I'm not gonna rush right out and share it with everyone.

[Stacy Darling]

I'm one of the some of ourselves, which is actually concerned about how I will/do treat the judgemental people in society when I am confronted by them. That's why I'm so afraid of being myself!

I don't mind being called gay either, at least I look good!

[Rachelle70]

Paula, I know for me it's mostly fear. On many levels, will I be treated as I treat others? What will family and friends think? How could it hurt my career? Unfortunately my thought is in the real world there are consequences to any of your actions wether it's dressing or anything else. Sometimes good, sometimes bad. For now I'm ok dressing in private or with a trusted friend someday.

[ginapoodle]

1) my wife hates seeing any female expression from me-- she is very controlling, very confrontational at times: and I do not want a divorce or for our already strained relationship to get worse
2) good friends are clearly anti T and also LGB
3) TX often is hostile, it can be simply dangerous to go out dressed
4) it takes high expenditure of time, energy, focus and emotional output for me to dress.

[Rachael Leigh]

Paula, it's really tough for most to come and accept oneself, there are many reasons and it took me a long time.
Now that I understand what this part of me is about I'm very comfortable going out and not really that concerned anymore
what someone will think. Yes it's not what some consider normal but for me it is my normal
Rachael Leigh

[Tracii G]

Basically my point is its the CD person that has the problem accepting themselves.
Thats why they make up all these excuses like " I live in the south and there are rednecks" thats BS and you know it.
All the excuses are made up because you don't have the will and desire to be yourself.
Ginapoodle reason number one is your problem so deal with that, the other 3 are reasons you have "made up" to justify why you can't go out.

I'm not trying to be mean here I am just telling the truth and I'm sure some of you will "get it" and most will post with all their reasons why I am wrong.
As the posts come in you will hear all their "reasons' why they are stuck where they are.

I am here in Central Kentucky home of horses and rednecks and they seem OK with me.
Up in the mountains of Rural Eastern Kentucky (coal country) where it is full of redneck country folks I have been treated far better than I expected.
I went to do a CD/trans group meeting in a really small town and had a great time went to dinner with the trans group and played miniature golf at the local hangout even had a few men chat me up which I was not expecting and they were gentlemen and very nice.

[Dana44]

I am not closeted but don't stuff it in their faces, well maybe a little bit. as I wear my hair down more an more. My hair stylist always puts my hair in a braid. once in a french braid. And it is always a girly braid. Went to yoga yesterday and she told me my hair was awesome with my white hair and blonde. As MY SO and I go out. She has told me that they see a girl and register that in their head,. So if you pass at all that's what people will think. I am fairly comfortable on going out and defiantly not in the closet. But during my working years I have been in the closet as it sure seemed better that way.

[Tamsin Secret]

Audrey's point reflects very much how I would feel.

[Teresa]

Tracii,
I'm with you totally on this one now I've experienced being out for just over a year . You have to accept yourself and understand why you need to dress , as you gradually build your confidence, you find many of the fears are in your head . I admit there are set backs and maybe some bad reactions , but that's life and they can happen to anyone, Cder or not.

If you have to escape the closet the next step for me was trying to get out the door, so you take the obstacles and deal with them, once out most of them gradually fade away .

Reading some of the replies I can't help feeling we have it easier in the UK than the US, I have been surprised by this in the past . When I first joined I did expect the reverse but us Brits appear to accept things and don't make much of a fuss about it .

Instead of looking for excuses not to go out find good reasons to do it, I have no regrets at all, it just gets better.

[Micki_Finn]

I would like to make a counterpoint to Tracii with the following from the Human Rights Campaign:

In 2016, advocates tracked at least 22 deaths of transgender people in the United States due to fatal violence, the most ever recorded. These victims were killed by acquaintances, partners and strangers, some of whom have been arrested and charged, while others have yet to be identified. Some of these cases involve clear anti-transgender bias.

Sometimes there is a very real reason to keep your secret.

[Teresa]

Micki,
Maybe my point is a valid one we do have it easier in the UK, but I can't quote any statistics to back it up .