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Thread: Honestly or a lie??

  1. #51
    Member Veronica53's Avatar
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    Paula it feels so good to open that damn closet door and step out into the world, but I know exactly what you mean. I came home from work today and put makeup on and dressed, then my wife and I flung that bloody door open and went for a drive that included me gassing up the car in a skirt and heels,not even a blink. We followed that up by going through the drive thru at DQ again not a reaction of any kind aside from my heart wanting to jump out of my chest.

  2. #52
    Junior Member Paula2's Avatar
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    My whole reason in asking this question is trying to help the people who still have a chance to make there life better by learning from our mistakes!! I did write it in an inflammatory way..I am sorry..But what I feel is true..

    "Why are we afraid to be ourselves??" Fine.. Maybe not for us established peoples..But the next gen of us!!

    I have been given too many "numbered" (IE..#1 excuse/reason) responses to let this go anymore without explaining my position better!! Some of these things I have done well.. Some of them I have not.. I have lost friends!! I have gained friends.. My family loves me.. My mother hates me.. It took years to accept myself for nothing more than stepping outside social norms..

    This does not apply to everyone I know!! Its just "my" experiences.. Take it for what its worth.. I am sorry if I come across stern... but I have to say this!!

    Reason #1 (the wife) If you were honest in the beginning of your relationship and told her this is a part of you!! Maybe you could have married someone who accepts you and you never would have been in a "DADT" situation.. I told my first wife when we were still teenagers.. We divorced after 17yrs of marriage.. It had nothing to do with my dressing!!! I have a new fiancee and I told her in the early beginning too.. We do many things together now.. She is more comfortable with "Paula" than I am!! I am very lucky!!

    Or was I honest up front and found a woman who loves me for who I really am ??? You decide

    Reason #2 (friends) "This is were I failed"..It took me 20yrs.. But I am glad I did!!
    I cheated..I went to a work Halloween party dresses as Paula..Everyone said I looked too good.. "my profile pic" I learned who my good friends are.. And the ones that could not accept me.. "I did lose some friends!!" It will happen.. I kept my best ones!! And I gained better ones who help me and support me...

    Finally honest to my friends and found some true ones??? You decide

    I have told you too much about me!!
    I could go thru Reason 3 thru 5 but it all comes down to this...

    Problems that could have been avoided by just being honest???
    Best Wishes, Paula

  3. #53
    Member Tama's Avatar
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    "To thine own self be true" Thank you, Polonius
    If it be honesty we seek, then I say start with myself.
    After 50+ years on this planet, I'm not certain I know who or even what I am. I'm not unhappy, or ashamed, just uncertain.
    Therefore, If I cannot be certain I know anything absolute about me, how can I be truly honest with anyone else? I'd be lying to everyone to say for sure what my stance or position actually is, if I cannot say in fact about myself.
    I have come clean to the wife, and a handful of others but if they were asked what I am, you would get 1000 different answers. All wrong too I'd wager.
    It's with that I give the best answer I can. I spend my life's time searching for my internal truth, and maybe only to find in the end it wasn't really important to know...
    I Thank you Paula for the thought provoking thread!

  4. #54
    AKA Lexi sometimes_miss's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Tracii G View Post
    For most I think its the fear of being called gay.
    If 'being myself' means chanting to the world that I'm a crossdresser, I think I'll pass. I work in a predominantly female workplace. I simply didn't want to support the stereotype that we're all gay or TS. There was a huge increase in that sentiment after Caitlyn came out. I don't want to have to make it my life's work, trying to educate all the bigots out there, in a fruitless attempt to bring them into the 21st century. I grew up being made fun of. I don't need to relive that again. Just look at all the hate going around since last year. There are a lot of people out there who hate us just for being who we are.

    So no thanks, I'll stay in the closet, thank you.
    Last edited by sometimes_miss; 05-27-2017 at 05:29 AM.
    Some causes of crossdressing you've probably never even considered: My TG biography at:http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/...=1#post1490560
    There's an addendum at post # 82 on that thread, too. It's about a ten minute read.
    Why don't we understand our desire to dress, behave and feel like a girl? Because from childhood, boys are told that the worst possible thing we can be, is a sissy. This feeling is so ingrained into our psyche, that we will suppress any thoughts that connect us to being or wanting to be feminine, even to the point of creating separate personalities to assign those female feelings into.

  5. #55
    Banned Spammer
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    SM I think being seen as less masculine is hard for some here so I agree with that.

  6. #56
    Silver Member Devi SM's Avatar
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    Honestly or Lie?

    That's a good question.

    "The ends justify the means." – Niccolò Machiavelli.
    Just for fear so many people find themselves trapped living a life of lies without looking for.
    In our case is different.
    We don't plan to be what we are.
    Remember that crossdressing has a medical definition that doesn't explain anything. Gender dysphoria.

    It's not from night to morning that we realize who we are.
    For most of us it begins when kids. How can a child explain that he is different?
    Even thought we all have different backgrounds I've heard the words shame, blame, fear.
    etc.
    So we grew up slowly hidding what we know is different from others.

    The other huge element that brings us to hide it is the connection or confussion with sex.
    Now we know that gender orientation is different from sexual orientation and sex historically has been seen as a sin.

    Please don't tell me that the last is not true. If it weren't true why we dress and hide what everybody knows is there? Why we don't want to think in or visualize our parents having sex if everybody knows that dad and mom had sex so we could exist?

    So a distortion of your sexuality is a huge sin
    that you must conceal.

    My own experience was one day to realize that it wasn't a sin, (I was a Christian pastor) that it wasn't a sexual issue (I was in bisexual activity but now I know that crossdressing is not connected with ) and the more important thing was the I want to be honest and not keep lying to the people I love.

    So then the mixtures of past fears, shame, blame and guilty come to join with the fear to loose the loved ones and so many decide to keep it in the closet.

    "The ends justify the means." – Niccolò Machiavelli.

    Now we have to carry another burden, be liars, not be honest.

    But if my experience can help others let me tell you that our brain is very plastic, moldeable and transformable but just you can change it.
    Just you can do it.

    Be openly talking about it with a therapist helps a lot because you can release, vent your blame, guilty, shame and fear so your brain get used to your reality.

    It takes courage but after saying the true the release and liberation is huge.
    There is no more huge satisfaction that going for life with peace and not fear they can catch you.
    I prefer being called gay and not a liar.
    Now I understand the "gay pride"

    I keep the original questions below so we don't loose the purpose of this thread that for sure are queations that every of us had had in a moment of our life.



    "Why are we so afraid to be ourselves"???

    So many of us are "pinned up" Inside our little closet...Why???[/QUOTE]
    Last edited by Devi SM; 05-27-2017 at 07:02 AM.
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    Electrolysis face begins 082019, in genitals for GCS 062021
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  7. #57
    Bad Influence mechamoose's Avatar
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    What on earth is so bad about being thought of as 'gay'?

    What does it matter who you are interested in? Did *you* get to pick your gender? Did they? Quick fact: Gay couple divorce rates are HALF that of straight ones.

    I have known more big-burly-biker type gay men than I can count. They are big ol' teddy bears in the romance department. It has **nothing** to do with being effeminate.

    Please don't confuse presentation with orientation.

    - MM
    - Madame Moose - on my way to Anne
    ----------------------------------------------------------------
    "I yam what I yam and tha's all what I yam." -- Popeye the Sailor
    "If I am not for myself, who will be for me? And when I am for myself, what am 'I'? And if not now, when?" - Hillel the Elder

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