Through a Looking Glass.

[Emma Beth]

Over the past few years I seem to notice the odd post about seeing "Him" in the mirror.

When I see these posts, I do identify with them to a point. I can understand that feeling of wanting to see a Woman's face in the mirror whenever you look at yourself.

I recently thought about this rather deeply and realized that, for me, I only see my face in the mirror.

I've never seen a man's face or a woman's face staring back at me from the mirror.

I have only seen my own face looking back at me.

Since I began HRT, I have had a few of my friends comment and complement me on how much more feminine my face has become, and so on.

That's all well and good, but what really is in a face?

Earlier today I had an epiphany of sorts.

I was taking a bath and had the two wall mirrors of the corner the tub sits fogged up. I finished and stood up to dry off. While I was drying off, I turned and saw my reflection in one of the mirrors. My entire reflection with my towel from my knees to the top of my head.

I was shocked and took in the image before me very carefully. I could see noticeable feminine curves. For the first time in my life I actually saw a Woman standing in that bath tub. Not just my face in the mirror, but a Woman from head to toe.

I stared long and hard at what I saw and realized that the face is only a small part of the whole person.

When I look in the mirror, I see the entire me looking back. Even if it's a small hand mirror that you can only see just your face in. I'm not sure how this happens, but this is what happens to me when I look into any mirror.

Could it be because the eyes are the windows to the soul? Do you actively use your mind when you look at yourself in the mirror and see more of yourself than you wish? Or, is there something else to it?

As I tend to be a rather deep thinker, I will need to put this conundrum on the back burner and let it stew for a while and see where this thought goes.

Just thought I would share this and see if it strikes a chord.

[JessicaB.]

You know it was weird a few weeks ago at work (construction) I was using the bathroom and when I went to use the sink I looked up in the mirror and saw a women's face in my own. Now I'm not on hormones or anything, but maybe that was the first time I used my mind to see more of myself because as I looked at the rest of my body something didn't seem right. Like something about it seemed out of place with everything else in my mind. And that everyone else can tell and that's why no one takes me seriously, because it looks like I'm putting on this act to fit in. And that's what i see every time i look in a mirror now. After putting in on the back burner and thinking about it is when I decided I need to leave this job to explore this part of me more. Both situations are very thought provoking and requires a lot of time think about.

Jess

[Pat]

The way it happened for me was that I never knew there was a problem until there wasn't one. I knew what my reflection looked like but I wasn't overly connected to that person who was in the mirror. Then one day I saw Her. And I realized that all my life up to that point I when I looked in a mirror I was expecting to see Her and I never had until that day. All that time I had never felt connected to the person in the mirror. I had no animosity. I had no sense of wrongness -- just no connection; indifference. I didn't take care of that person because, truth be told, when people told me bad living would kill me, it sounded pretty attractive. I'm connected to the person I see now because I see myself. I take care of myself. I look forward to each day.

There were two formative events in my gender journey -- the day I saw her and the day I knew the world had to see her. (They were separated by some time.)

[AlyssaJ]

This is something I've been struggling with lately. Right now when I look in the mirror, I still see the man. Unless I've done my full face and neck makeup and am wearing a wig, I don't have a female appearance yet. To be expected, considering I'm only 2.5 months on hormones and still in process of hair removal on my face. The problem comes in though that I'm stuck in this weird limbo right now. I've lost what I felt made me manly (rather chiseled physique, mustache and goatee, and a shaved head). So I no longer pass as the kind of man I always pretended to be. At the same time, I don't pass as a woman unless I go through all the effort of full makeup, padding, breast forms, etc.

What I'm really longing for is the day I get up, look in the mirror straight out of bed, and the reflection looking back at me is clearly a female. It's a long ways off for me, I know this and I'm trying to be patient and enjoy the ride. But let's face it, isn't that the goal for most of us at least from a physical appearance perspective. I just want to look in that mirror and see a reflection I can connect with and that I'm comfortable knowing is what the world sees when they look at me.