What would you do if a situation changed

[Bobbi46]

A shop to which I had become comfortable with going into dressed fully has had a change and the two SA's that were so kind to me have gone to be replaced by two new ones and for the first time my confidence has taken a knock and its as if I am unable to go in dressed again. Also it feels like I am back to square one with that shop where in the beginning for me it was small steps and as I got used to the ladies I was able to go in there dressed and where I felt comfortable with myself.
Is it now a case of small steps again or should I bite the bullet and just go in as I used to before?

[Allisa]

Just go as you did before, the SA have changed not the venue, just be yourself and make new friends.

[Teresa]

Bobbi,
Two chaperones would help !!
You could go in drab and revert to using a picture to break the ice again. You know my answer would be just go for it, what's the worse that can happen ?
Instead of steps back it would be a huge boost to dress and go forward .

[Aunt Kelly]

A word with the management about the change and how it's affected you might be in order. Happy customers are important. It sounds like the new SA's need to learn that lesson.

[Bobbi46]

Kelly, this shop is one of a country wide chain I think a letter to head office would fall on deaf ears.
Teresa two chaperones? where are they? I need them now, by the way where are you?

[Helen_Highwater]

Kelly, this shop is one of a country wide chain I think a letter to head office would fall on deaf ears.

Bobbi,

I would say just do it. After all, you were once new to the other SA's so who knows the new one's could be even nicer. Kelly's idea to write to the head office addressed to the HR manager could be your fallback if the new SA's treat you badly. As a chain they'll be interested in keeping customers, your Euro's are as valuable as the next person's.

Follow the rules. Go in, show confidence, be pleasant and chatty. Give them no reason to be anything other than pleasant and chatty back. If you feel you've been snubbed, poorly treated, write but not so much a letter of complaint more one of disappointment given the wonderful service (lay it on thick) you received before.

There have been a few post in the past from members who wrote to stores asking about TG policy and had nothing but favorable replies.

[StephanieM]

There was a first time going in with the 2 ladies that were there before. So you know you can do it again.

[Tracii G]

A word with the management about the change and how it's affected you might be in order. Happy customers are important. It sounds like the new SA's need to learn that lesson.

I hate to say it but this advice is part of the overall problem trans people suffer from.
Whining and crying and demanding things never helps it only alienates trans people worse than it already is.
Sorry Kelly but we cannot force people to accept us we need to exist in spite of them and not let them stop us.

[Meghan4now]

Well, I would just treat the shop as before, and if they are rude or Un comfortable, find a new shop. My experience is that many shops are cool about it, and looking for sales, so don't despair.

[JeanTG]

I was in this situation. I had established a relationship at a certain shop that is also part of a national chain. When I called ahead to come in, the manager had changed, but the new one promptly said NO PROBLEM! And turned out to be just as very accommodating as the first one.

Moreover, I had e-mailed the chain management before I went in the first time. I got a lovely e-mail back from their customer service department saying that they were happy to work with people like "us", and would get the manager of my preferred location to contact me and set up a fitting. Sure enough a couple of days later I got a call from the manager. She gave me my first proper bra fitting, and got me started with a couple of dresses and tops. Great session, and her successor turned out to be every bit as accommodating.

PM me if you want a French-speaking sister

[Nikkilovesdresses]

Is it now a case of small steps again or should I bite the bullet and just go in as I used to before?

Which would be the least stressful, do you feel?

[Bobbi46]

One part of me says take it slowly the other part of me tells me that I've done it before, so do it again.

[Stephanie47]

I saw nowhere in Bobbi's post of any negativity displayed by the sales associates. Two old timers are gone. Two newbies are there now. Where's the need to write to HR or corporate? Have they done anything wrong? Seems like a lack of confidence on Bobbi's part does not need to be pushed onto the women.

My suggestion is to break the ice and explain to the new sales associates that you are a transgender woman and in the past you shopped en femme. Maybe a brief heads up is sufficient to break the ice.

[Andrea Chenowith]

Put me in the camp of making an inquiry to management.

Not everyone is imbued with the same outward confidence and comfort in their appearance and/or ability to deal with the potential negativity from members of the public, so to simply say "get on with it!" isn't really fair. But at the same time, encouraging a member to make a harmless inquiry of management isn't indicting the new SAs as transphobic. While it's not retail, I did exactly that to reassure myself of a situation I was unsure of. Before heading to a couple of different local casinos en femme, I took a moment to reach out to them and ask what their policies were. Both of them were quite encouraging, and suggested I would be fine coming in and using the facilities as the gender in which I was presenting.

At the end of the day, it provides an opportunity for the management to do a little pre-emptive training if they feel it necessary to help the SA give the best experience for a customer, and keeps the customer from having to worry about being discriminated against.

Not a thing wrong with reaching out beforehand.

[sabrinaedwards]

Bobbie, I would go for it. I can tell you that most SA's really don't care if you are male but dressed as a female. Several months ago, I went into a Payless shoe store while dressed. I had previously had good experiences in this store, but this store had new, younger staff. Well the new SA's were even more accepting!
Love, Sabina

[faltenrock]

I would just go there en femme and directly talk to the new women. Tell them you've used to go there for shopping and the former SA were always were helpful to you.

[Bobbi46]

Yesterday I did just that completely en femme and guess what? I arrived at the shop and found it shut, why? I forgot it was a national holiday LoL still I will go again today and see how things go.

[Micki_Finn]

A word with the management about the change and how it's affected you might be in order. Happy customers are important. It sounds like the new SA's need to learn that lesson.

Completely 100% disagree with this. The store has done nothing wrong. SAs come and go all the time and management can't exactly hold guns to people's heads to prevent them from leaving. Bobbi didn't say that the new SAs had done anything wrong, just that she was uncomfortable because they were new. I'm sure management is doing their best to run a friendly business and complaining because your favorite SAs moved on to different jobs is just wasting their time.

[Bobbi46]

Well today I went in dressed of course and guess what another different SA! but this time it was a man I have been used to having a woman help me but never the less this man was nothing but helpful I was treated just like a customer should be. There was no reaction at all to the fact I was dressed. This is another hurdle overcome for me, being served by a man was a different experience but as it turned out a nice one.

[Judith96a]

Change is unsettling, whether it's because the SAs in your favourite shop have moved on or they've discontinued your favourite shade of lipstick! However, change doesn't have to be threatening. We'll probably never know why the two SAs with whom you got on so well have moved on, perhaps they got promoted because they were really good! The manager of the deli counter where I get my lunch every day disappeared​ one day a few years back. Some months later, I was in another shop in the same chain and there she was, managing their deli counter! Turns out that her boss was opening a new shop and wanted someone whom he already knew and trusted to manage the deli counter and be a second assistant manager for the main shop too.

Anyway, you've done exactly what I would have suggested! Go in, like nothing has changed. The staff is new, you're a regular customer!

[XemmaX]

bite the bullet and roll in there dressed.

[GretchenJ]

One part of me says take it slowly the other part of me tells me that I've done it before, so do it again.

If you had two people before who treated you with respect, chances are good that they were hired by someone who had the the same core values, or knows how to hire good people.

[Barbara Black]

I'm wondering where the two former SAs went? If they didn't retire, maybe they are selling at another location?

[abby054]

Just go and buy stuff as you have done with the old SAs. The new ones can spell "commission" just as well as the old ones did. The chances are 50% that the new ones can spell it even better.

[ReallyLauren]

Add me to the just go for it chorus..I'm thinking that the values of the shop are the same and the management would hire folks who adhere to them.

Lauren