Page 1 of 4 123 ... LastLast
Results 1 to 25 of 79

Thread: Wife said "NO MORE DRESSING"

  1. #1
    Miss Judy Judy-Somthing's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2015
    Location
    USA
    Posts
    3,259

    Wife said "NO MORE DRESSING"

    Well three months ago I told my wife I was cross-dressing behind her back and that I started when I was about 8.
    Well after thirty five years of marriage it didn't go over well with her. She said things will never be the same between us and I have to stop dressing.

    I haven't dressed in three months and our relationship seems to be pretty good like old times.

    Well last night while watching TV with her I saw a woman in a nice dress and said wow that would look good on me.
    She said if I dress again things would get very bad between us and I would have to seek professional to help me stop.

    I did get rid of half my stash three months ago.
    Is keeping my stash a temptation of dressing?

    If I don't have a stash I won't be able to dress if the BLUE-FOG hits me.

    SAD SAD SAD!
    "This is ME" I am not CRAZY, I'm just a GUY who likes dresses!
    Since allot of men dress up in woman's clothing that makes it a manly thing to do!
    Much more fun than fishing.
    I do construction like house building and I love CD-ing, what's the difference?

  2. #2
    Nikki Windsor nikkiwindsor's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2016
    Posts
    1,659
    Obviously, you're in real bind. I didn't dress for years b/c my didn't want me to. But, I was so miserable for so long that my wife eventually allowed me to dress. But, I did go without dressing for many, many years without any expectation that my wife would change her mind. I'm very fortunate that my wife realized that my GD was tormenting me and she was compassionate with my situation. No amount of therapy would rid me of my femininity. It's a part of my DNA and has been with me from a young age.
    Wearing my fuschia bodycon dress:
    http://imgur.com/6WkdAts
    For the first time, outdoors during the day:
    http://i.imgur.com/RmjIxbY.jpg

  3. #3
    Silver Member Aunt Kelly's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2016
    Location
    Greater Houston
    Posts
    3,041
    No. It is not a temptation. It is a recognition that you will always be tempted and will eventually give in. It is unfortunate that your wife does not want to understand crossdressing well enough to find a less destructive way, not to mention a more realistic way, of dealing with it. Just the same "professional help" is not a bad idea. If there is ever going to be a better understanding on her part, you're going to need the credibility of an expert in your corner. And by expert I mean someone with training and experience in dealing with gender identity issues, not a "marriage counselor", generic counselor, or clergy.

    Good luck to you, Judy. You will be in my prayers tonight.

    Hugs,


    Kelly Marie

  4. #4
    Banned Read only
    Join Date
    Aug 2015
    Location
    South Dakota
    Posts
    633
    If she catches you lying to her again I'm fairly confident she will kick you out.

  5. #5
    Aspiring Artist Kelly DeWinter's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2008
    Location
    Wherever there is a Sale or Macys, but mostly Baltimore MD
    Posts
    3,368
    Read in another of your posts, your spouse was reading up on CD. It sounds af if either she had made up her mind based on personal feelings or from reading bad information. Any way of talking with her and finding out what is the basis for her thoughts ?
    Kelly DeWinter
    Find Kelly at:
    Kelly's Blog
    Flicker
    [COLOR=#2e8b57

  6. #6
    Banned Spammer
    Join Date
    Aug 2008
    Location
    Between here and there but mostly here close to the donuts.
    Posts
    22,257
    Kelly she probably landed on one of the porn type fetish sites and thinks that what all CDers are like and stopped looking.
    She appears not to care about Judy very much.
    To me she is the one that needs to seek professional help for spousal abuse.

  7. #7
    Junior Member
    Join Date
    Mar 2016
    Posts
    64
    Right on beautiful Nikki!Devone

  8. #8
    Gold Member Lana Mae's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2016
    Location
    North Carolina
    Posts
    8,606
    Do not think you can just stop! I stopped for 34 years and when it hit it was like a tidal wave! I suggest a councilor, gender type! Do not purge any more! This does not go away! She has to understand that this does not go away! GD does not just go away! Best wishes Hugs Lana Mae
    Life is worth living!
    "Foxy lady! You look so good!!" Jimi Hendrix

  9. #9
    Junior Member
    Join Date
    Mar 2016
    Posts
    64
    Right now Judy I'am going out of my mind because I haven't dressed for such a long while , but I'am working on it!Devone

  10. #10
    Banned Read only
    Join Date
    Dec 2013
    Location
    UK
    Posts
    13,082
    Judy,
    Please take her up on seeking professional help to prove you can't stop !

    If she's not going to take your word for it then she will have to believe a professional .

    You can't keep this up, you keep asking for advice and yet you let it continue as before . Your wife isn't going to give up until she has her own way and where does that leave you ? What then ? How long before you really cause a problem when you find it's driving you crazy ! Do you end up almost driving yourself under a truck like I nearly did ?

    You've asked about purging before , lack of clothes won't change the need in your head, so do you go back to using hers when she's out ? She'll love that when she finds out !

    You haven't dressed for three months and yet two words out of place and she gives you another verbal attack, things aren't back to normal, you're just kidding yourself, she'll never be the same again so you've got to show what the dressing really means to you.

    I'm sorry Judy but I really feel for you but at some point you really must admit it to yourself and defend your needs, because they aren't going away.

  11. #11
    Administrator Di's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2005
    Location
    SouthEastern Ontario
    Posts
    16,149
    Please do not make promises you can't keep.
    I think maybe you should see a professional but more to help your wife see it's a part of you and not something you would be able to stop.
    She just is not understanding it at all and I think you should not gotten rid of anything.
    You might think this is a a solution for a quick fix but be honest with yourself someone that dresses since age 8 is not going to stop. I have never heard of anyone that have just quit. If you dress ( and you most likely will) she will see it as a betrayal and it will be much worst. There is nothing wrong with dressing.
    So that's my advice see a professional and include her in sessions after a bit so she can really understand this is not a big deal.
    Just my 2 cents
    If you are a Genetic Female (Female at Birth) and would like to join us in the F.A.B. Forum, please follow the link.

    F.A.B. Forum Access

    Sherlyn,My beautiful sweet girl
    You forever and always will be my one and only true love . ❤️


    Administrator

  12. #12
    Silver Member
    Join Date
    Feb 2009
    Posts
    3,056
    Getting a professional's opinion doesn't mean a thing if she chooses to believe what she wants to. I've seen it happen to couples over many things. One person locks in on their view and that's it.

  13. #13
    Stop that, it's silly.... DIANEF's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2016
    Location
    TEHRAN
    Posts
    2,274
    Sounds like irresistible force meets immovable object, and looks like only big decisions will avert disaster.
    Here today, gone tomorrow....

  14. #14
    Platinum Blonde member Ressie's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2008
    Location
    SW Michigan
    Posts
    3,762
    Depends on what kind of counselor. My wife set me up with a Christian counselor. He didn't even want to address crossdressing.
    "You're the only one to see the changes you take yourself through", Stevie Wonder

  15. #15
    Member Tama's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2017
    Posts
    218
    There are professionals out there who work in this arena, and they can be of help with stuff like this...I vote for get assistance soon

  16. #16
    Silver Member Rogina B's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2007
    Location
    Ft Lauderdale Fl
    Posts
    3,962
    [QUOTE=Tracii G;4107761
    She appears not to care about Judy very much.
    To me she is the one that needs to seek professional help for spousal abuse.[/QUOTE]

    Yes,I agree !

  17. #17
    Silver Member Becky Blue's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2005
    Location
    Australia
    Posts
    2,415
    Judy, by no means am I siding with your wife on this one, BUT I don't think what you said to her was necessarily the best thing. Clearly she is very unhappy with that fact that you have dressed and want to. Saying that you would look good in a dress is actually pouring gas on the fire, what response from her would you expect given your situation? That is unless you are deliberately stoking the fire.

    I agree with the others above seeing a professional can only help.
    A.K.A Rebecca & Bec

  18. #18
    CD from ME
    Join Date
    Nov 2005
    Posts
    66
    My advice....even though I am a "fine one to talk" is to "beat her to the punch".
    Seek professional counseling and then after a few sessions bring her into the counseling sessions and see what plays out then.
    I can guess that it will turn into couples counseling with finding nothing wrong with you and a lot of underlying issues with her.
    But then again what do I know?

  19. #19
    Member Joni Beauman's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2006
    Location
    Midwest
    Posts
    240
    I would return to first principles before therapy (which could go any direction): education. Perhaps share suitable literature in a non-threatening way on the topic designed to be a helpful introduction for spouses. My Husband Betty by Helen Boyd is a good start, no doubt read by many here, depending on your commitments. Once you work out how committed you are to surviving this, information can only help put this subject into perspective.

  20. #20
    Senior Member Hell on Heels's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2013
    Location
    Monterey Ca.
    Posts
    1,991
    Hell-o Judy,
    You've said that you've been open and honest
    with your wife.
    I think you may have forgotten to tell her, or maybe
    she didn't hear, that this is a part of you that is, and will
    always be. IT WONT GO AWAY!
    DADT is where you're at, sounds like you would prefer more.
    Soooooo.......you and your wife need to to talk!
    More importantly... Your wife needs to HEAR what your CDing
    means to you.
    Does it change the man she's known?
    Are you unable to be that man?
    OR? Is there more for her to embrace?
    Basically..TALK TO HER ABOUT IT!
    It's hard, and uncomfortable, but it's the only
    way you can work things out with her.
    Much Love,
    Kristyn
    I smile because you are my friend, and
    I laugh because there is nothing you can do about it!!!

  21. #21
    Platinum Member Shelly Preston's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2005
    Location
    Scotland
    Posts
    16,589
    Judy,

    I would at least start looking for a counsellor in your area that specialises in Gender issues. You can then at least explore which one might be best. I know they are all professional but you want to pick whichever you feel is best.

    Make sure that they will involve your wife at some point.

    It seems as if your wife wont accept that this is something that does not need fixed.
    Shelly

    Super Moderator....How to tell your partner......Abbreviations

  22. #22
    Senior Member Nikkilovesdresses's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2014
    Location
    The lingerie dept.
    Posts
    1,848
    This is another example of a wife's assumption that just because she doesn't like something about her husband that either he drops it or he leaves.

    I'm sick of this attitude - how about if she doesn't like it she leaves?

    Her total lack of compassion, of love, of tolerance and acceptance, paint her as small minded and heartless. For which she gets the house? I don't think so.

    Judy isn't breaking the law, she is harming no one. She isn't having an affair, she isn't abusing anybody, she isn't asking her wife to accept her outing herself to family and neighbours (as far as I know). All she is asking is for the basic partnership that we sign up for when we get married.

    While it's true to say that Judy kept her crossdressing hidden, that doesn't give the wife an excuse to lay down the law. She should at least accept a DADT relationship.

    Hang in there Judy, and please don't let your wife make this the black and white issue she would prefer.
    I used to have a short attention spa

  23. #23
    Member jessica33's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2005
    Location
    Toronto
    Posts
    127
    Nikki nailed it . Its too funny majority of wives want to bail out of the marriage as soon as they found out about their SO cd . I guess they don't really believe for better , for worse till death do us apart . Why can't his wife offers him a compromise solution , DADT . I though this is what you supposed to do in a marriage . My way or the hiway will never works in any marriage .

  24. #24
    Senior Member GretchenM's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2016
    Location
    Denver, Colorado
    Posts
    1,867
    Although others have certainly covered what I think, I nevertheless emphasize again that seeking professional intervention is needed. Choose someone with experience and knowledge in gender issues. No gender therapist is going to help you quit doing what you have been doing all your life. They won't help you do that even if it is a recent development.

    You are going to have to face this head on and your wife will need to be involved at some point. I strongly agree with Teresa's advice. I also agree with Becky in that you should avoid throwing gasoline on the fire. You and your wife both have needs and you two must seek a compromise or it is likely the marriage will be over.

    In my opinion, you are both trying to force a point of view on each other - her more than you, but you are both guilty. Many of us have told you many times to seek help with finding a compromise. Yet you resist. You are not going to quit this behavior because it is a need; she isn't going to quit pressuring you and giving ultimatums until you give in or everything blows up and you part ways. Do you really want that? Does she really want that? Either way, it will finally resolve itself, but it is not likely to be pretty if you continue down the path that has been followed the last few months.

  25. #25
    Silver Member Rhonda Jean's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2006
    Posts
    2,756
    My opinion (and experience). Having a professional tell her (or tell you which you relay to her) that you can't stop isn't going to make her feel any different. It'll only strengthen her resolve. She's done, and she'll be on alert from now on for any flicker that you're dressing again she'll be gone. Likely, she'll be anxious to tell everybody why she left. In her mind, she's taking the high (and difficult) road, and she'll find sympathy with friends and family.

    I don't think purging is as big of a deal as many do. It is mostly symbolic. You can easily buy more. If you don't plan on dressing, there's no point in keeping it around. Even if you're not dressing, if she finds it you're done for.

    You probably already know whether you can stop or not. It probably depends on the definition of stopping. To her it probably means none, ever, under any circumstances. She'll always be suspicious that you're doing it behind her back... and you probably will. Even with the best of intentions, could you really go out of town on business and not indulge in some form? You'd probably see that there's no possible way that should matter to her. She'll be just waiting to catch you.

    So, she's researching crossdressing? I can't imagine that anybody who is against it, repulsed by it or whatever would accurately describe her attitude towards it would find anything online that would alter that attitude. She'll be drawn to the very worst. It'll serve to empower her, and deepen her disgust.

    She's drawn a line in the sand. You don't get to draw you're own line in a different place, or put in any curves. Seems like she's been pretty clear.

    Good luck!

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •  


Check out these other hot web properties:
Catholic Personals | Jewish Personals | Millionaire Personals | Unsigned Artists | Crossdressing Relationship
BBW Personals | Latino Personals | Black Personals | Crossdresser Chat | Crossdressing QA
Biker Personals | CD Relationship | Crossdressing Dating | FTM Relationship | Dating | TG Relationship


The crossdressing community is one that needs to stick together and continue to be there for each other for whatever one needs.
We are always trying to improve the forum to better serve the crossdresser in all of us.

Browse Crossdressers By State