Wife said "NO MORE DRESSING"

[Judy-Somthing]

Well three months ago I told my wife I was cross-dressing behind her back and that I started when I was about 8.
Well after thirty five years of marriage it didn't go over well with her. She said things will never be the same between us and I have to stop dressing.

I haven't dressed in three months and our relationship seems to be pretty good like old times.

Well last night while watching TV with her I saw a woman in a nice dress and said wow that would look good on me.
She said if I dress again things would get very bad between us and I would have to seek professional to help me stop.

I did get rid of half my stash three months ago.
Is keeping my stash a temptation of dressing?

If I don't have a stash I won't be able to dress if the BLUE-FOG hits me.

SAD SAD SAD!

[nikkiwindsor]

Obviously, you're in real bind. I didn't dress for years b/c my didn't want me to. But, I was so miserable for so long that my wife eventually allowed me to dress. But, I did go without dressing for many, many years without any expectation that my wife would change her mind. I'm very fortunate that my wife realized that my GD was tormenting me and she was compassionate with my situation. No amount of therapy would rid me of my femininity. It's a part of my DNA and has been with me from a young age.

[Devone]

Right on beautiful Nikki!Devone

[Laurana]

I'm just curious as to why everyone seems to think it's the wife that has to change. Supposedly she's done "research" and come to the conclusion that she doesn't want anything to do with it. That's her right. She doesn't have to be a part of what "Judy" is doing.

She's already(supposedly) pissed off because of the lies being told to her. She feels betrayed and hurt.

So why isn't she allowed to say "Stop or I'm out"?

In her mind(supposedly) this is not the man she married. She was not given the chance to decide for herself beforehand whether she wants to be part of this. She feels forced into it now.

I know for sure I wouldn't like it.

[Krea]

Hi Judy,
Sorry to read that things are still difficult for you. I don't think your dressing urges will ever really go away, so i hope that with help you can find a compromise which will improve the situation.

Ok, your wife does not like your dressing, but to tell you that you can't do it at all is not showing any attempt on her part to compromise. It shouldn't be unreasonable for you to have some "Judy time", out of her sight, as long as it doesn't take over everything else.

Don't purge the rest of your stash! You will only regret it eventually.

Best wishes for progress,
Nic

[ChristinaK]

Hi Judy,

Pretty similar situations for sure. I told my wife I cannot purge. I don't want to lie anymore. We're just going to have to work something out and I hope you and your wife will too.

Sounds like neither of us are going to be satisfied with purging. I know me and I've been like this my entire life and it has gotten much stronger with age and the time and place to go out. I don't think I could keep a promise to not go out either. Going out is very fulfilling to me now and acceptance by people validates my feminine side.

My wife is also very controlling. But, she needs to understand that me stopping is akin to me cutting off an arm to please her. It just doesn't make sense.

She is also a devout Christian and feels it's against the bible. My therapist is also Christian and she made the point that God made me the way He wanted to. Accept it, period.

I made the point to her as well that NOBODY wants to be like us, we just are. Who would want the extreme issues we bring upon ourselves? So therefore, it is who we are and we can't just change. For me, especially as I've gone so far down the road of being Christina. The cat's out of the bag. I'll never get her back in. We'll just have to compromise via negotiation in front of a counselor so it doesn't get out of hand.

Good luck with your wife, I know I need it with mine.

[Aunt Kelly]

No. It is not a temptation. It is a recognition that you will always be tempted and will eventually give in. It is unfortunate that your wife does not want to understand crossdressing well enough to find a less destructive way, not to mention a more realistic way, of dealing with it. Just the same "professional help" is not a bad idea. If there is ever going to be a better understanding on her part, you're going to need the credibility of an expert in your corner. And by expert I mean someone with training and experience in dealing with gender identity issues, not a "marriage counselor", generic counselor, or clergy.

Good luck to you, Judy. You will be in my prayers tonight.

Hugs,


Kelly Marie

[Kelly DeWinter]

Read in another of your posts, your spouse was reading up on CD. It sounds af if either she had made up her mind based on personal feelings or from reading bad information. Any way of talking with her and finding out what is the basis for her thoughts ?

[Tracii G]

Kelly she probably landed on one of the porn type fetish sites and thinks that what all CDers are like and stopped looking.
She appears not to care about Judy very much.
To me she is the one that needs to seek professional help for spousal abuse.

[Rogina B]

[QUOTE=Tracii G;4107761
She appears not to care about Judy very much.
To me she is the one that needs to seek professional help for spousal abuse.[/QUOTE]

Yes,I agree !

[Becky Blue]

Judy, by no means am I siding with your wife on this one, BUT I don't think what you said to her was necessarily the best thing. Clearly she is very unhappy with that fact that you have dressed and want to. Saying that you would look good in a dress is actually pouring gas on the fire, what response from her would you expect given your situation? That is unless you are deliberately stoking the fire.

I agree with the others above seeing a professional can only help.

[Sandy Storm]

Hey Judy,

Everybody here has given you great advice, and like everybody has stayed it make sure you find you a marriage counselor that deals with gender or sexuality type of relationship issues https://ncsfreedom.org/key-programs/...ssionals-59776. Me and my wife had to find a counselor years ago for other issues but by being swingers standard counselors would not work for us We found that website that helped us find one locally and she is the reason why my marriage works and is so great .. and also remember your first counselor you meet might not be the right fit for you and your spouse don't get discouraged if it takes a couple counselors do you find the right one that fits y'all

Good luck hon

[Kelly DeWinter]

Sandy;

I not sure sending the OP spouse to a web site that starts out with "Kink Awareness" is going to help. The main issue with most the over 30 generation is that relationships are seen as strictly Male/Female. Anyone over 30 has been brought up in a social culture that sees anything else as an aberration of the norm. It's OK to break norms in business and in sports but not the social status.

[Sandy Storm]

Sandy;

I not sure sending the OP spouse to a web site that starts out with "Kink Awareness" is going to help. The main issue with most the over 30 generation is that relationships are seen as strictly Male/Female. Anyone over 30 has been brought up in a social culture that sees anything else as an aberration of the norm. It's OK to break norms in business and in sports but not the social status.

Kellie, you are correct, I didn't make myself clear, they have a list of counselors that are are trained counselors for clients like us and can maybe help unlike a traditional Christian style counselor ...sorry for not making it clear thanks👰🏻

[sometimes_miss]

Just the same "professional help" is not a bad idea. If there is ever going to be a better understanding on her part, you're going to need the credibility of an expert in your corner. And by expert I mean someone with training and experience in dealing with gender identity issues, not a "marriage counselor", generic counselor, or clergy.

There are therapists that deal with marriage counseling as well as TG issues. Over the past 15 years, it's gradually become more and more of a problem for the mental health community. E.R.'s are seeing more TG patients in crisis, so the psych teams have to deal with it a whole lot more than they used to. While it's still a specialty area, there are more therapists that understand that it's not something that they can ignore any longer, nor something that their patients can simply stop doing or feeling. So we're making advances, finally.

[Laurana]

If she catches you lying to her again I'm fairly confident she will kick you out.

[Lana Mae]

Do not think you can just stop! I stopped for 34 years and when it hit it was like a tidal wave! I suggest a councilor, gender type! Do not purge any more! This does not go away! She has to understand that this does not go away! GD does not just go away! Best wishes Hugs Lana Mae

[Devone]

Right now Judy I'am going out of my mind because I haven't dressed for such a long while , but I'am working on it!Devone

[Di]

Please do not make promises you can't keep.
I think maybe you should see a professional but more to help your wife see it's a part of you and not something you would be able to stop.
She just is not understanding it at all and I think you should not gotten rid of anything.
You might think this is a a solution for a quick fix but be honest with yourself someone that dresses since age 8 is not going to stop. I have never heard of anyone that have just quit. If you dress ( and you most likely will) she will see it as a betrayal and it will be much worst. There is nothing wrong with dressing.
So that's my advice see a professional and include her in sessions after a bit so she can really understand this is not a big deal.
Just my 2 cents

[Rachelakld]

Maybe if you explain you need a distraction, like a morgage your house to buy a 1/2 built boat that you can rebuild, maybe take up gambling, drinking until your always drunk is also a distraction.
For me, giving up CDing would make me stressed, then grumpy (ask my wife or kids), then I become nasty which will break any relationship - so I CD instead of all those bad things.

If she has ben reading all the bad stuff (my ex is now adiment on the "Flat Earth" because that's what she read up on), maybe my web site would be more appropriate?

[Teresa]

Judy,
Please take her up on seeking professional help to prove you can't stop !

If she's not going to take your word for it then she will have to believe a professional .

You can't keep this up, you keep asking for advice and yet you let it continue as before . Your wife isn't going to give up until she has her own way and where does that leave you ? What then ? How long before you really cause a problem when you find it's driving you crazy ! Do you end up almost driving yourself under a truck like I nearly did ?

You've asked about purging before , lack of clothes won't change the need in your head, so do you go back to using hers when she's out ? She'll love that when she finds out !

You haven't dressed for three months and yet two words out of place and she gives you another verbal attack, things aren't back to normal, you're just kidding yourself, she'll never be the same again so you've got to show what the dressing really means to you.

I'm sorry Judy but I really feel for you but at some point you really must admit it to yourself and defend your needs, because they aren't going away.

[lingerieLiz]

Getting a professional's opinion doesn't mean a thing if she chooses to believe what she wants to. I've seen it happen to couples over many things. One person locks in on their view and that's it.

[DIANEF]

Sounds like irresistible force meets immovable object, and looks like only big decisions will avert disaster.

[Ressie]

Depends on what kind of counselor. My wife set me up with a Christian counselor. He didn't even want to address crossdressing.

[Tama]

There are professionals out there who work in this arena, and they can be of help with stuff like this...I vote for get assistance soon