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Thread: Made the Big Decision to Give it Up

  1. #1
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    Made the Big Decision to Give it Up

    This was a really tough decision for me to make but I finally arrived at a logical solution. I have been highly successful at maintaining a "secret life" as a crossdresser for a long time. This was only possible since I usually had excuses to travel out of town and stay at hotels alone. This forum has been a fantastic resource for me and I appreciate every bit of advice and help given to others as well as myself. I know it is only a matter of time before logic and the law of averages catches up with me and my locked up crossdressing materials such as make-up, wigs, skirts, tops and shoes are discovered. It would be a bad day when that happens and would be difficult to explain as well as accepted by my wife. Therefore I have decided to purge everything at the end of July. I have two or three more out of town trips scheduled and I plan on taking advantage of the situation to be Janet during those trips. I don't know why I am sharing this information but if feels good to at least tell someone and get this off my chest. Thanks for listening. Its been a great experience but one that must end.

  2. #2
    Banned Spammer
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    If you really wanted to stop or purge you would do it now.
    The two or three more trips excuses sound like "oh I'll start my diet on the 1st of the month". Or I'll quit smoking at the end of this pack.
    Its obvious to me what you are doing.

  3. #3
    Girl about Town Jodie_Lynn's Avatar
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    Janet, have you purged before? If the answer is 'yes', you might want to consider maybe getting a space at a storage rental place? If you've been buying for several years, think of the money lost.

    And many of have purged, only to have to start over. Some have done so several times.

    Best of luck to you Janet.
    Before you can love another, you must first like yourself

    I Aim To Misbehave

    Labels belong on BOXES, not PEOPLE!

  4. #4
    Aspiring Member Fiona123's Avatar
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    Really? If there's one thing that I have learned from this and other sites is that purging does not work. I would advise finding a different road.

  5. #5
    Senior Member Nikkilovesdresses's Avatar
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    Hi Janet. Perhaps you will be the exception, but most of us are going to doubt that Janet will go so meekly into the dark.

    Janet is a part of you, and suppressing any part of you is unlikely to be so simple as you suggest.

    You are right in that it is probably only a matter of time until Janet is discovered, but I've seen again and again in this forum that purging rarely works in the long term.

    I take it that you consider your wife's acceptance a non-starter? Either way, I'd recommend you see a therapist and talk it all through with him/her, and be prepared that the relief you currently feel at the thought of putting Janet away may in time prove not so permanent.

    Janet has a voice too.
    I used to have a short attention spa

  6. #6
    Rachel Rachelakld's Avatar
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    While we will not hold our breaths in disbelief, if/when the urge reappears, keep in focus WHY you gave up.
    All the best in your new journey.
    See all my photos, read many stories of my outings and my early days at
    http://rachelsauckland.blogspot.co.nz

  7. #7
    Queen of Chinatown jennifer0918's Avatar
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    Good luck with your life,I have been there many times purge,stop dressing, and so on and so on the pink fog always finds me. I learned to accept my femme side and my secret.

  8. #8
    Daniella Argento
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    I am always saddened by posts like this... It seems you have 'decided' to give up not because you WANT to, but because your fear of being discovered has become unbearable.
    I always say it is better to 'come clean' and tell those that NEED to know about this side of you.
    However I also totally get that people have a lot to lose! Family, spouse, jobs, careers, friends etc are all on the line and we value these things just as we value our gender identity...

    This is why my spouse and I started our business... we provide people with affordable and scale-able storage solutions for wigs, shoes clothes etc, a place to dress (either overnight or for a few hours each day) and ancillary services (makeup, shopping, outings etc)... We are discreet and private.

    I very much doubt we are the only people to have seen this gap in the market, why not look out for something similar where you live?

  9. #9
    Aspiring Member Lacey New's Avatar
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    Janet,
    My stash is quite small by most standards and I keep it that way because Lacey is very much in the closet to my SO. By choice, I might add. i have purged may times for the most part to avoid discovery associated with moving but often with the thought that "I'm not REALLY a crossdresser, I will just give it up. Well, after a number of years finding the urge coming back and eventually acquiring anther stash, I have come to grips with the fact that yea, I am a crossdresser and no, I can't give it up - at least yet. So, before you purge completely, consider re-sizing your stash to a smaller scale and carry on when you have the opportunities.

  10. #10
    Adventuress Kate Simmons's Avatar
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    I respect your decision. It's never an easy one. Keep in touch as friends at least. Take care.
    Second star to the right and straight on till morning

  11. #11
    Junior Member JennyLiz's Avatar
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    I may be newish here but over the years, I have purged as well. It is a lot harder than it sounds, Good luck and keep us updated if you can.

    Chin up!
    My wife told me she didn't want me to become Liz from AHS Hotel.
    I Promised her that I have never and do not plan on killing anyone.
    I wonder why she wasn't comforted by that?

    (True Story btw)

  12. #12
    Stop that, it's silly.... DIANEF's Avatar
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    I don't think I could ever do what you are doing, but if you feel it is the right decision, and if you are able to stick to it, good luck.
    Here today, gone tomorrow....

  13. #13
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    I'm sure there are some that can just give it up and thats fine no one is forcing you to dress.
    You have your reasons we all get that but my previous comment still stands.

  14. #14
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    Janet- Please, please, please get an appointment with a good Counselor. Not to be "fixed" but to help find the real you. The torment probably will not end, but be eased. I'm with you.
    Lace and Smiles,
    Lisa

  15. #15
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    I had a crash and burn a couple of years ago, I called my GG Big Sister and said I'm so tired - I can't do this another day, her reply (which truly stabilized me) was "how well did it go the last fifty times you tried to hammer that Djinn back into the lamp?

  16. #16
    Platinum Blonde member Ressie's Avatar
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    As far as quitting smoking goes, I've found that preparing for it mentally is necessary. Planning a cut off date works better.

    As far as purging, I had the thought just the other day. The thought is that if all female clothing were removed, no one would ever know that I've been crossdressing my whole life. So I can't blame other CDs for thinking about purging. There's that thought that someday someone close will stumble across a closet full of skirts, tops, dresses and wigs, then the drawers filled with undergarments! For some that would be devastating.

    I can't imagine a life of hiding this from a wife but I understand that some CDs don't have much choice.
    "You're the only one to see the changes you take yourself through", Stevie Wonder

  17. #17
    Gold Member Jaylyn's Avatar
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    I've purged so many times, it always raises it dressing head again somewhere down the line. My longest was when I was younger and totally immersed in other activities. Keep your self busy and try not to let the small trigger points hit ya. My trigger points are lipstick commercials on tv, a beautiful GG wearing something sexy. The list goes on its the small triggers that hit me and I've always returned.
    Good luck and as said keep in touch. ( which this site might be a trigger) but at least we all understand why you are purging. We'll listen any time on here we have all been in the same heels before...

  18. #18
    Senior Member BrendaPDX's Avatar
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    Good morning Janet, I wish you nothing but the best of luck and hope you succeed. I have found that logic has very little to do with Brenda, the urges are visceral for me and have accepted that I will always be a crossdresser. I have purged twice now, staying drab for over a year and then subconsciously start finding myself looking at dresses and other accessories, then slowly rebuilding my stash. I do hear you about the harm that can come from getting caught to the ones we care about and to you. Wishing you the best. Brenda

  19. #19
    its important mykell's Avatar
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    hi janet,

    not sure where you hail from but if this is your destiny please please try to find a t-group to donate your belongings, with this type of lifestyle comes a lack of prosperity for some individuals so if you could find a way to help and maintain your discretion please try to donate so you could help someone.....if you are in my area send a PM, i can forward your things to needy individuals......

    i wish you luck in your endeavor....it does make me sad though.
    ....Mykell
    i dressed like a girl and i liked it! crossdressing...theirs an app for that

  20. #20
    Senior Member Lori Kurtz's Avatar
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    I know from experience that it's possible to quit. Not easy, but possible. The breakup of my first marriage--due to her discovery of my stash--was such a horror that it helped give me the strength to give up actual dressing. But the fantasies, the mental images, the urges? Those never went away. If you carry through with your plan, be aware that this could happen to you. Allow those fantasies to give you pleasure when you're involved in sexual activities, whether you're with a partner or alone by yourself--what's in your mind is nobody's business but your own, and you don't need to feel guilty about them. Try to keep all that in perspective, and focus on the important considerations that led you to your decision. Best of luck to you, dear.

  21. #21
    Madam Ambassador Heidi Stevens's Avatar
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    Janet, purging to give up cross dressing is like quitting the Mafia. You can try, but very few succeed. Every one of us has faced this choice and a lot of us go through with it only to start another stash down the line. You could get a storage unit as suggested, but should something happen to you, your stuff will still be found.
    If you are not going to reveal yourself to those who love you (and take the results from those you told), may I suggest you write a letter to stick where someone who finds your stuff can find it as well. Explain yourself in the letter and ask that they understand that you are not a "pervert" or mental, you're a person who had to explore this side of themselves. To please be kind and realize that you hid this side of you from them for their benefit not yours. I know, it's lame to be hiding something like this from loved ones, but I know most of us who hid our stuff feel we are "protecting" our love ones from humiliation.
    Until you are ready to admit to others in the open how you have this other side to you, a "cover" letter may help things go in a positive direction should your stash be discovered. Good luck.
    Be yourself. Everyone else is taken!

  22. #22
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    Janet, in a post of August 2016 you indicated you're married with kids and have been wearing women's clothing for over twenty-five years. That length of time suggests to me it will be difficult, if not impossible, to shed your "hobby." That's another word that you used,,"hobby." A desire to wear and emulate a woman is more than a "hobby" like collecting stamps or coins. There's is something in our inner being that draws us to engaged in our desires at seemingly great peril and risk. You may be able to cease wearing women's clothing, but, will you be able to see the consequences? That's a valid question. Will your wife and kids recognize subtle changes in behavior? Irritability? Depression? For a man to go from being out en femme to purging seems rather extreme.

    When I read these posts of a "secret life" I do wonder if it is as really secret as one thinks. I really suspect a wife may know, but, is either afraid to confront her husband or just thinks it's just a quirk. It is possible, if a woman knows or suspects her husband likes to wear women's clothing, that she has researched the issue and come to a conclusion that although she may not like her husband cross dressing it brings no harm. For many women, who are secure in their marriages, the potential negative consequences of violating societal norms and expectations is the issue.

    In any action I've considered "risk vs reward." I hope you have properly assessed the consequences of going "cold turkey" at the end of July. Just try to identify the negative consequences of abandoning a part of you.

  23. #23
    Silver Member Aunt Kelly's Avatar
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    As I recently posted in another similar thread, with rare exceptions, our TG nature is a part of who we are. It doesn't "get better", doesn't go away with the clothes when we purge. To be sure, the desire comes and goes (still waiting for an explanation of that pattern), but rare indeed is the person who successfully and permanently purges that part of their nature. In most cases, one will be much happier coming to grips with that reality. Not that it's easy, or without trade-offs, but one can let go of the guilt. After that, decisions like in the closet or not, whom to tell or not, etc. can be made with practical necessity in mind rather than guild or some other emotion. I realize that this seems like a rather glib pronouncement and to an extent it is. I am simplifying a complex dynamic, but I've been at this a long time, and it is what I've come to believe, through my own experience and through what others communicate to communities like this one.

    Hugs,


    Kelly Marie

  24. #24
    Gold Member Read only Rachael Leigh's Avatar
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    Janet wish you luck with this but here's the question and the real test.
    That first trip out of town and non of Janet's clothes are with you, then what? I think it will hit you then why did I purge,
    maybe not but time will tell once again good luck

  25. #25
    Gold Member Dana44's Avatar
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    Rule number one... Don't purge. But when you do purge, the cost of losing your stuff will surprise you. My last purge was a major one and I wish I had my old pumps and clothes and makeup that I purged. It does not work and Again rule number one... Don't purge.
    Part Time Girl

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