Made the Big Decision to Give it Up

[Sallee]

Good Luck on that one Janet. While I have gone long periods of time without dressing even when the opportunity was there the desire was always there and it was only a matter of time before it would happen. Yesterday was the first time I dressed in 7 or 8 months It wasn't much just a day time stroll around town and a quick lunch with no problems but it sure was fun and a stress relief. I am glad I didn't purge.
Maybe you are stronger than I but I have never known anyone has stopped forever and continued breathing.

[jennifer0918]

If you must purge donate to a group that supports our issues, or a LGBTQ group ,my recent purge and I don't consider it a purge I was just," I'm sorry momma,but tonight I'm cleaning out my closet. "It was cloths that didn't fit shoes I didn't wear anymore,I donated to the brown elephant in Chicago when I walked into the shop I say many ts woman shopping there so I felt satisfied my stuff will be going to someone who could use it

Ladies I'm amazed how similar we are,how there are many triggers out there on tv,beautiful gg,sexy shoes,or a sexy dress. Many times for me I tried giving up CDing but I always encountered a trigger. Many times my mind was occupied with other activities and then the pink fog payed me a visit, to fill a void in me.
Good luck Janet .

[JanetM.]

This was a really tough decision for me to make but I finally arrived at a logical solution. I have been highly successful at maintaining a "secret life" as a crossdresser for a long time. This was only possible since I usually had excuses to travel out of town and stay at hotels alone. This forum has been a fantastic resource for me and I appreciate every bit of advice and help given to others as well as myself. I know it is only a matter of time before logic and the law of averages catches up with me and my locked up crossdressing materials such as make-up, wigs, skirts, tops and shoes are discovered. It would be a bad day when that happens and would be difficult to explain as well as accepted by my wife. Therefore I have decided to purge everything at the end of July. I have two or three more out of town trips scheduled and I plan on taking advantage of the situation to be Janet during those trips. I don't know why I am sharing this information but if feels good to at least tell someone and get this off my chest. Thanks for listening. Its been a great experience but one that must end.

Thank you to the forum for allowing this post. I truly appreciate all the comments I have received. It is quite obvious that my situation has been experienced and tackled by many of you. I can work my way through this the best I can. I just needed to speak to someone and this forum seemed to be the best place. Thanks again.

Janet

[Teresa]

Janet,
I'm in my sixties now and it's taken me far too long to find myself and get to this point , I couldn't give this lifestyle up now because I know it's an integral part of me . Not to dress again and satisfy my female side would be like taking part of my being away, why would I want to do that ?

Surely you can find a way to gradually to explain it to your wife, can you truly say this is the last day and it's never going to happen again ?
It's a huge sacrifice for part of you to possibly be unhappy for the rest of your life .

[Alice Torn]

Janet. I believe the human can adapt to most everything, including no CDing anymore. But, it is not very easy, unless plenty is there to rep[lace it. I have had no desire to dress for weeks, and considered purging, as i am having some health problems, and near death situations on my bicycle, and mowing, and in traffic in my car. I struggle with the guilt and shame, yet, also, as my religion forbids it. One day at a time.

[Tracii G]

I know many say they personally couldn't do it but maybe you can give it all up and kudos to you if you can.
Not dressing wouldn't change who I am inside so there is no reason for me to change.
I am a mix of both genders and thats how I choose to live.
You on the other hand live your life as two entities (male and female) so you can be the man if you choose to be.

[Sandy Storm]

WOW this is a tough one, I personally stopped dressing for 10 +/- years for personal reasons, the guilt of hiding a secret, the shame and confusion of dealing with myself identity but it eventually came back or I choose to geaux back to it...good luck with your choices hugs

[NancySue]

I understand...been there...done that. It will return...guarantee it. One never knows when or how intense the pink fog will return, but like the four seasons....it will. I believe, from experience, the more you "fight" it, the more frustration. Good luck.

[Alice B]

I know that I do not wish to stop, even at my age. But, I also know my strength of will and if I decided to stop I know I could do it.I wiah you all the luck and a happy marriage.

[Lana Mae]

It is wired in your brain and will not stay away! Do not purge-store! I went 34 years without and it hit me like a tidal wave! Best wishes Hugs Lana Mae

[MelanieAnne]

We'll leave the light on for ya!

[Judy-Somthing]

Giving it up also means not giving into the Pink-Fog.
I haven't dressed in three months, I've wanted to but my stash is an hour away at least.
I find once my time/opportunity for dressing has passed I'm actually relieved from the stresses of getting caught!

[rachael.davis]

Pain is neither created, nor destroyed. It is accepted, here and now, or postponed. If pain is postponed it will grow in size and intensity until the day it is accepted.

Not a cheery life POV, but I wasn't a happy male way back when I was in denial.

[Leslie Mary S]

JanetM. you might be able to purge you stored materials but you will never purge your mind, So get rid of everything and good luck. But just in case ro revert back we will be here to stand by you.
Even hippos and giraffes have hearts and souls, and end up doing what the heart and soul wants.

[Diane Taylor]

Many of us on this site have gone through the purge process only to go right back in a very short time. If this is what you truly want I wish you the best of luck but based on MY experience only, I think you'll regret the purging and will start all over again. Good luck.....

[ChastityInFemme]

I've purged. And it comes back. You won't know how long it'll be til the urge comes back, but it eventually will. I've vowed to never purge again. It's too much wasted money. Although, when I did purge, I donated everything. But...I've accepted my girly side. I just hope my family can accept it if they discovered my stash. I wish you luck Janet.

[Melanie Therese]

I made that decision too, but was done within days. I decided one week and knew my wife was working the night before garbage collection the following week. All underwear went in the bin and all decent clothes went to a clothing collection bin. It was a tough decision but found myself getting riskier and riskier but loving it. I have kids that are growing up and I don't want them to know and found myself doing more undesirable things that I wont go in to detail. It had to end. It's been 8 weeks and I feel good for it. I don't live in fear the kids will look in the wrong place or freak out if I run in to them while wearing a bra (which happened and my daughter gave me a hug and I nearly freaked out) Perhaps again later in life when the kids are gone, but for now I have to put my family first.

[kimdl93]

I certainly wish the very best in your effort to quit. I have recent experience of going 18 months after a purge....re-emerging briefly in March, and going back on the abstinence path again in May. I haven't purged, but everything I purchased since March is packed up in a large suitcase. My plan, to the extent that I have one, is to leave it there, untouched for some period of time, then donate the lot of it to Good Will.

But that is only dealing with the physical manifestations of CDing. I'm also working on my mind-set. In managing my thoughts my first effort is on re-writing my inner narrative that has contributed to seeing myself as a CDr and transgendered. Mind you, I'm not trying to apply any sort of negative image or meaning to CDing or gender variations...but rather to question the underlying assumptions, memory constructs, motivations and doubts that have contributed to this particular, long-held self image. I don't know if it will work....maybe the process is itself a practice in self deception.

[paulaprimo]

i also wish you the very best. it's not an easy thing to get away from.
if it's a part of you, it always will be. i don't think i could stop if i wanted
to or had to. i've known a few people who have purged, some for many years,
but it eventually comes back and usually with a vengeance...

[Tina_gm]

I don't have much to add.... i was the queen of denial for decades. Had on a handful of occasions dressed loved it, hated it simultaneously. Hated myself for being feminine. Tried REALLY HARD to man up. It never worked, although at times I had convinced myself it was working. Then bam, it came back. It took me 30 years to finally wave the white, or maybe pink flag.

Having said that- I'm not going to say YOU can't, or shouldn't. We all need to do whatever we feel is right FOR us, at the present time. So whatever your reasons are for not dressing, they ARE valid. And purge and do whatever else you feel will help you. Go to a gym, work out, get muscular, or more muscular.... it worked,
Errr, well not really for me lol. I enjoyed being more in shape at the time, but I still found myself day dreaming.... still fought the battle. I just felt better about the guy side. It didn't help me get rid of any desire. It was right for me at the time though, I think....

[sometimes_miss]

Rule #1 when you want to purge: Don't purge. Rule #2 when you feel you really need to purge: See rule #1.

FWIW, it is possible for some of us to quit; at least, for a while. It may all depend on the situation going on in the rest of our life, as to how much difficulty you're going to have to deal with. For me, the 80's were basically all normal male, all the time. That extended into the first few years of my marriage as well; I thought that I had 'beaten it', I really did. But all I had done, was manage to repress the desire, because everything else in my life was going well. Subconsciously, my mind hid the crossdressing demon deep inside me, and I didn't even know it was still there. Then when other stresses in my life became overwhelming, the desire to crossdress returned too strong to ignore.

Think of it this way: Let's say, your mind is like a computer. It does things in the background that you never have to think about. Your mind does this, like breath, walk up stairs, etc.; just like your computer does things like print, keep the screen refreshed, etc.. You never notice this. But open up too many windows in your browser, or play a graphics intensive game on too high video settings, and THEN everything starts to freeze up. And THAT's when the little things that used to be hidden in the background start showing themselves. So, you can bury the CD desires while your mind can dedicate a few spare 'CPU cycles' to keeping it in the background. But it will always be there.....waiting to bite you on the a$$.

[JanetM.]

I spent the weekend in another far away place alone and as Janet. I actually had a pretty good time going out to a CD friendly bar. After reading all the responses and really re-thinking the problem, I plan on simply taking an extended break. I'll pack everything up and do my best to keep it out of sight of the wife. After 3 or 4 months, I should have a reasonable through process on the old purge. Thanks again to everyone; I truly appreciate your time and experience.

[xandralovesleather]

I have been there a few times and kept coming back. I realized it is who I am and now accept that.

[kimdl93]

As we offer the benefit of our experience, we must beware of making a one-size fits all presumption about CDing. Some of us may indeed be born this way, and can take comfort in the knowledge that we are being true to ourselves, even if others cannot accept this. But there are possibly other reasons that one individual or another has gravitated towards CDing. Some of us are familiar with individuals who ascribe their desire to fetish or autogynephilia. Other than subjective, self appraisal, I am not aware of any mechanism for clearly delineating where on the gender spectrum any individual may reside. And if the nature of the particular interest in CDing is variable, then one might reasonably argue that the causes and possibility for changing that behavior may be variable as well.

It seems reasonable to suggest that a person impacted by genetic or developmental factors cannot and should not be forced into a binary role. But likewise, it seems reasonable that a person who's behavior is motivated or precipitated by life experiences may indeed be able to modify that behavior. For example, if a person gets an endorphin surge from the act of dressing as a woman (not that there is anything wrong with that), its possible that the person may be able to engage in cognitive behavoiral therapy aimed at redirecting that experience, or substituting other similarly rewarding experiences.

Now, I'll concede that my speculations above may simply be wishful thinking. Perhaps none of us can change and our only alternative is to accept, embrace or endure.

[Tina_gm]

Kim, i would suggest with the amount of effort you, me and so many others have put forth to find alternative methods or activities that create the same release of endorphins we would be more successful than our dismal success rate if those ways were out there.