seems like it is lawyer time to me...I would go see one asap
seems like it is lawyer time to me...I would go see one asap
No regrets except I should have got dressed & stepped out sooner.
Christina, It does seem like you are talking to her and she is responding. Yet not very well and do not purge as that will not work in the long run. Do move them if required. Yeah I had to pull mine from storage. LOL. yet, it has grown from there. But I will say that you are trying and sometimes that does not work. But in the long run if she comes around that would be good. But if she does not. Move your clothes and try to keep the marriage together. Life is hard sometimes and well. just do the best you can do.
Part Time Girl
Christina, I reread not only your responses on this thread, but, also went back and read some of your previous posts. It appears you are totally mismatched with your wife and your extended family. I read your post where you were at dinner with female relatives who really really indicated intolerance for gays, gay pride marches, transgender women, etc. The a post concerning your eleven year old daughters seemingly intolerance which you indicated she espouses her mother's viewpoints. Then you posted about being en femme at a sociology class and talking before several hundred classmates. You go to social events/supportive groups en femme. You go out en femme.
I cannot help but think your life is a living hell. You have to be torn between conforming to intolerance and being yourself. I cannot imagine how this marriage is going to progress when everyone is so anti who you are. I read continually on this site posts where wives support or at least tolerate their husbands' crossdressing and share his secret. It's really a lousy marriage when a wife is openly critical all the time of her husband.
I checked your age and did some math. You and your wife have been married thirteen years which calculates to you getting married at age forty-four. It would appear both of you were pretty much set in your ways. I really do not see where you and her have grown together. How is this really going to work out in your retirement years?
Hi girls,
I'll give you and update after we see the therapist tomorrow. May be good, may be bad. The therapist is definitely in my court, but she also knows how intransigent my wife is. We'll see....
Sad so many people are in those type of unhealthy relationships.Originally Posted by MelanieAnne
I wouldn't expect much from a therapist, not in this instance. I think it is widely over used advice on here. A therapist telling her it is ok, natural etc etc, won't likely do much to change her mind. If anything she may feel like she is being ganged up on, and that can really backfire. Imagine you will or would feel by going to her clergy and them telling you how wrong you are and you need to be a regular man and do the right thing blah blah blah... Of course your wife will likely just then give the I told you so thing.
Without giving up WHO you are, my best advice is to work or rework an agreement, likely some sort of DADT. If she still says no to that, then you need to decide truly what is most important provided you can give it up.
Chickens should be allowed to cross the road without having their motives questioned
Gendermutt,
I disagree. Just because it is common for a SO to dig in her heels and refuse to participate in counseling, or to take the advice offered by counselors who understand gender issues, does not mean that the advice to seek counseling is "over used". It is, almost always, good advice.
People who issue ultimatums are generally not open to much therapy.
Of course it is really hard to judge from the outside based on a small amount of information, but it sounds to me like your marriage may be in a bit of trouble anyway. The fact that your wife is not prepared to compromise could be an indicator. Perhaps some couples counselling is not a bad idea.
A.K.A Rebecca & Bec
Went to therapy. Lots of tears. I'm an ogre. She doesn't understand and it's all my fault. I'm a freak and she wishes I had illustrated that when we were dating. She doesn't think she can accept me. She made me feel like a really bad person. She doesn't want a divorce, just her husband back. I listened. It hurt me immensely and I have no idea what's to come. More later, I guess.
You are not an ogre or a freak, nor are you a really bad person. I am truly sorry you were hurt by her words, which she may come to regret.
It is a difficult situation for both of you. For your part you just want to be accepted as you are, which you should be. For her part she does not understand and possibly feels as if not only is her femininity under attack but so is her entire world and her future as she has dreamed it would be.
Some women after long and deep introspection as well as some good information can come to an understanding of themselves and cding. From there an acceptance or tolerance if not full participation may come.
IMHO She has some decisions to make. She cannot possibly have it both ways since non acceptance of who you are but no divorce makes for two unhappy people.
Best wishes to both of you.
Unfortunately, sometimes marriage does not work out. I will stand by my comments at #53. Any man who can get up in front of a sociology class en femme and give a talk in front of hundreds of men and women should not have to endure such hostility in a marriage. Remember your wife's entire family seems to have negative thoughts about any person who is gays, lesbian or transgender. How can you possibly endure attacks on your lifestyle? All your wife wants back is the man she thinks she married. You're not the person she thinks she married. You're you. I believe you mentioned your daughter has been influenced by the negativity of your wife. She eleven years old now. You're fifty-seven. By the time you hit retirement years (65) your daughter will be 18 or 19 years old and either fully entrenched in negativity or has figured out dad is OK even if he wears dresses.
You're really going to have to make a choice. And, don't think just because you may be forced to purge all your feminine clothing, etc things will be forgiven and life will go on without non verbal communication or snide remarks made about people who are just like you on the inside. Your wife will know she has locked your mind up in a cell for the remainder of your days on earth.
Divorce is always a big step, and kind of scary. But a year or so later, you'll wonder why you waited so long.
Sometimes we're afraid of future or changes in our comfort zone that sometimes is not comfort.
I left my country 17 years ago, didn't have a job waiting for me in this country, my English still not being the best but I did it. I left everything after 40 years, I brought just 2 suitcases, wife and 3 kids. Kids made their own life here, here I confess everything about my bisexuality to my wife and of course cding, things are better than I expected, I'm pretty satisfied, more of the time we worry about things that never happens...
So go live your life, it's all that you have, one day kids will leave you and if wife doesn't let you be happy, she's selfish and doesn't deserve to live with a man that have and extra sensitivity for women things...
HRT 042018; Full time 032019
Orchiectomy 062020; gender& name legal changed 102020
Electrolysis face begins 082019, in genitals for GCS 062021
Breast augmentation surgery 012022
GCS 072022; BBL 022023; GCS revision 04203;END TRANSITION
Hi girls,
Well, so far my wife is ignoring the whole situation. I'm going to move Christina's things to my office. We're seeing the same therapist but to different ends. It's a sticky situation for sure and I have no idea where it will lead us, but I know that I'm very feminine and will push the envelope in that direction.
Sorry I can't be more difinitive, but I have no idea where this is going. I only know that I'm happy as Christina.
Christina, our "need" to crossdress is NOT something that can be turned off with an ultimatum. For the unexplained reason as to why we do it has many an answer or better put an explanation, all of which are just theory. Seeing a therapist is the most effective tool you (and your wife) can use to save the marriage , save your sanity and give her some sense of peace. My spouse and I are seeing a therapist for the same reason(s) that your wife is demanding a sudden and drastic change in you. I have agreed that I will only dress when she is either out of the house or is sleeping. Most of the time our arrangement works but there have been times when she wakes up early and sees me totally dressed with the exception of hair and makeup. Choose a therapist together and go.
Mollyanne
"To thine own self be true"
It's great that you both are in counseling. You are both trying and that's a start a good start. kepp talking and don't forget about her feelings as well. Do things for her , show her you care.
And as far a pushing the envelope, put yourself in her place, would you want her to push the envelope with you ?
An additional comment to my post at #62. The next time you're seeing the therapist together bring up the fact your wife and her entire family cast negativity towards sexual minorities. Your wife must be really hating herself for falling in love with "one of them!" Yikes, the horror of it all.
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