What category am I?

[Karen's Secret]

I'm trying to reconcile how I want to define myself and want your honest opinions. For almost all of my life since a young boy I have thought of myself as a transvestite (1980's) and then as a crossdresser (90's-2010's) but since then I've wondered whether or not I'm technically transgendered. I've also learned about the term "transvestic fetishism" since coming to this website.

Simply put I know this has been hotly debated and I'm not looking for debates one way or the other, just what each of you would classify me as based on my description below. I want to take in the variety of opinions so please no one should feel like they need to defend their positions.

This is how I would describe myself: I have been dressing since around age 10 and started by wearing my sister and mother's clothing. From the very first time I wore female clothes I would get sexually excited and masturbate. This continues to today, some 40 years later, but not every time. At the same time I also find great comfort is simply dressing at home complete with wig, breast forms, and make up. I also have a great desire to go out dressed in a comfortable and unprovocative manner. I also have a strong desire to pass as female and to go about a normal day out and about as a woman. I do not have any same-sex inclinations nor any desire to transition. I love to underdress when possible. Finally, I'm happily married going on 29 years and my wife has known since before we were married. She is DADT but will help me buy clothing when I ask.

So, in your individual opinions how would you describe me... crossdresser, transvestite, transgendered, transvestic fetishism, etc? I'm also very interested in whether you would consider being a crossdresser as included under the umbrella of transgendered.

[Aunt Kelly]

Hi, Karen.
My honest opinion is that you should not get too hung up on labels. Not that they're bad. There's a certain sense of security or comfort to be had when one can say, "I'm this..." Unfortunately, that comfort often does not last. We find out that we don't quite fit into the "crossdresser box" or the whatever box. So if you want a label, I'd pick crossdresser for you. Yes, that falls under the TG "umbrella". Again though, my advice is to spend more time on exploring and enjoying those desires you've listed rather than collating them.

BTW, I can relate to your list. It describes me pretty well, as far as it goes, but I've got a few additional items on mine, so the CD label doesn't quite fit anymore. I'm somewhere on that TG spectrum, or maybe I belong in a box that has yet to be named. That's OK though.

PDX, eh? So how has the weather been for Rose Festival?

[Karen's Secret]

Hi Kelly. The label thing is not an issue for me, I'm really more interested in people's opinion on what labels fit. I'm fine with whatever, it doesn't matter to me. As for the weather, I was actually in the midwest for Rose Festival where it was 90's and humid. But today we're sitting at mid 60's and cloudy in Portland which is perfect for me.

[Becky Blue]

Karen, you sound like a bit of a combination as are many on here, your story has some similarities to mine except the sexual side totally disappeared at age 40 ish and that was when Becky emerged. So perhaps you too are genderfluid. As in sometimes you are dressing to feel like you are a girl at other times you are a guy dressing in a fetish kind of way. Not sure if this help or is even more confusing for you.

[Tracii G]

You sound like a run of the mill crossdresser.
Married,does not want to transition,not gay, gets a sexual thrill from dressing.Pretty much a CD.
I would say don't worry about what label you have its not important in the grand scheme of things.

[Rachelakld]

Gender-fluid???
co-conscious alters??? if you have an alter that is (especially if your alter is a female)

[jennifer0918]

CD under the transgender umbrella.
At least that's my opinion.

[Maria_mtf]

What you have described is almost identical to me except I am slightly younger at 30. I don't know what category we fit in but if you find out please let me know. Feel free to PM me if you ever want a chat

[mbmeen12]

(transvestic fetishism) Very interesting. As always I high lite those two words and googled. Read what you wrote about wifey. So you are a hetro cross dressing male with a DADT SO.

Its a big umbrella hun, we all get a little shade/fit some where in these hot summer days.
x Kara

[trisha kobichenko]

What you wrote fits for me as well, except I am 70, and still haven't much of a clue as to what my 'category' is. I wish I knew. I have been looking for 'answers' to why I feel like I feel since forever ago, and have found only more questions.

[GretchenM]

If a label is needed, then I would place you as a CD with a fetishistic inclination. I sense that there is a trend to get away from the term "transvestite" among the broad range of transgender behaviors. There is a trend to simply use CD. Some feel it is a throw back to a period when such behavior was considered a mental illness.

However, I think you may be in the process of shifting into a more gender fluid or non-binary transgender form. The life pattern you describe is pretty common as is the settling down of it all into a more non-sexual, expressive mode later in life. That pattern is also fairly common. So, if you are in the process of evolving, paying much attention to labels and categories may be pointless because it may change in the near future. I know that within myself I change "membership" in this or that category and type almost daily; sometimes hourly. Problem is that if you look too closely at our behaviors you will often find different labels may fit at different times of the day, especially among those of us who trend toward the more variable forms. Classification is based on the broad brush, general behavior pattern and not the little shifts that make the picture very muddled. That said, transexuals are often pretty stable. It is the non-binary or genderfluid folks that are all over the map. There are a lot of potential and technical explanations for this rapid variability pattern that has to do with the development and individualized application of gender traits and characteristics. But it is really complicated, so I will leave it at that.

[Lana Mae]

I would say CD under trans umbrella. I do not do labels anymore and just enjoy the journey!! Hugs Lana Mae

[Samm]

Karen, I started out the same way almost 40 years ago. Now, I don't worry too much about labels. I no longer look for reasons or answers as to what or who I am. I just kind of go with it, and see where it takes me.

[LeannS]

Labels I am not into labels the only one I could come up with would be not fit for consumption
I was sitting in the doctors office a couple weeks ago and among some of the papers I had to read was a form
that was sort of the same thing what was I : sex, m, f, trans. What I would like to be called he, she, it
oh how I wanted to put transgendered on it but my wife is a nurse in that doctors office dam.

Leann

[jhasmine]

This may have been said many of times but, this is how I see myself.

I am a guy
I like women and their bodies. I want to have their body but keep my bottom manhood in tact because I don't like men in a sexual way. I like to dress and look like a girl.

My label, Straight guy.
This is what I tell myself:
I don't care what you, not you but the label makers, call me. I may be afraid of the looks and what people say, but I really don't care. If women can wear mens jeans and shirts and still be a sexy girl, then I can put on a flower silk gown and still be a sexy guy/girl.

[Taylor186]

You could be any of those including a TS. I've met six TS over the years at a social/support group I attended and they all at some point in their journey thought they were just a crossdresser. I'd say find a social/support group in your area and join. It's a good way to get out dressed normally and ultimately discover where you fit on the spectrum. I found I was just a crossdresser but it helped my journey immensely. You mention that you have a strong desire to pass as a woman. We all want that but it's not plausible for most of us.

[Joanne Curl]

Oh my, your description of yourself fits me to a "t" (as in trans something) I too started around 10 years old and it always ended in masterbation. I would immediately feel guilty and undress as quickly as possible. It's not always sexual now- I just like dressing and going out as my female self. Masterbation is still part of it and I have come to accept myself as a cross dresser. That's the label that fits me the best.

[JeanTG]

I'm in the same boat. All I can answer to the OP's question is "nobody knows for sure". Today the pink fog is lifted and am happy in male mode. The rest of the time i feel pretty much like the OP. I've given up trying to figure it out and I just go with the flow...

[Teresa]

Karen,
OK the first one to deal with is being a transvestite and a crossdresser is the same thing, the literal translation does have a sexual content .

Transgender is now the umbrella terms to cover the broad spectrum , we aren't all at the same point along that road .

If it helps I Told my story in the TS section titled ," The feeling won't go away !"

If you check it out you'll see how my CDing started and the story since. I mention AGP , but before I ruffle too many feathers I will say it's not for everyone. That term may give you an insight into your question about Transvestic fetishism.

The way you descibe yourself does ring so many bells, AGP to me means to be seen and accepted as a woman, now I'm going out socially that is happening more and it feels natural and comfortable , I'm not totally TS but some TGs with AGP have transitioned to satisfy their needs despite not feeling they have the wrong body.

You have every right to ask these questions, you need to find and know yourself, OK we do debate the label question but we do need something to grasp and believe in to move forward and we also need them to explain to our wives/ partners and family.

It's easy to get caught up on labels and worry about them but the point is we have to know what we are dealing with, I accept I have GD with AGP, it doesn't bother me knowing ,the problem comes in knowing how to deal with it on a daily basis. Some CDers are gender fluid, and they have to live with an ebb and flow, which must be confusing at times . Since my Cding started at the age of 8-9 years it's been a continuous gut feeling, a need that had to be satisfied, it's taken me far too long to get to the point I'm at now because there was no one to ask for so many years , I now know I'm bi-gender because my feelings or needs remaind static.

The bottom line is you were more than likely born like it as most of us were, nothing is going to change what is locked inside our heads, this is why I no longer worry who knows , I can't feel ashamed and guilty about something I can't change. There is a female trait which has it's own needs and dressing allows that to happen, so whatever people say or think won't change that.

Whether we are in the closet or out the door, if we live with an accepting partner or in a DADT situation our needs won't change as we progress they maybe get stronger until we can find a balance.
Sometime I see it as we are very special and gifted people we should be allowed to integrate with society because we do have so much to offer.

[Roxanne]

I think the dividing line is whether or not you would want to have a male partner or not. Some months ago, I realized I did not prefer the male role in life, even in bed. I would like to have a lesbian relationship with my wife, or a submissive relationship with a man. I think what you seriously want to do matters more than what you're wearing at the moment. The house hormones and anti-androgens I began taking helped me move from a type A aggressive male to a more laid back and emotive person on a journey.

[LilSissyStevie]

Labels are only helpful if we mostly agree on what they mean. One thing you will find out is that we don't agree on the meanings of the different terms that get thrown around here. But, if someone wanted to see a textbook example of autogynephilia, I would point to your post.

[Tina_gm]

While labels are good for identification purposes which help with communication, the problem as I see it is within the LGBT and however many letters else is that the labels are changing and redefining themselves too fast for even us to keep up. So the question of what am I or where am I really ends up completely subjective right now.

Transgender has been since it found its way into the vocabulary of those who dress or present or identify as opposite their birth gender as an umbrella term. You would be, and by some still are considered to be transgender by any gender variance, be it casual cross dressing or an identify full opposite your birth gender, and anywhere in between. Now though, Queer is making its way back into the vocabulary, gender queer, some who are identifying themselves as gay are now using it, again.... Crossdressing, but not transgender is just an action, but without an apparent reason. Transexuals are transgender, and the media often relates transgender to a complete opposite identity from birth gender, but they nor the media are often thrilled with the S.E.X. in the title, the media because its American media hence its a taboo word, TS, aren't always that thrilled with it because it implies it to be sexual only. Some don't like transgender either because it associates them with being other than what they feel they are which is just a man or woman. But then some CDers don't want to be caught up in it either because it brings them back to a media description and they personally don't identify as the opposite of their birth, they just like the appearance of it. But then some do like it, but others who are non binary or have a real identity issue as the opposite of their birth gender seem to be minimizing them, because then it makes their identity issues to be too close to that of a common non opposite identifying CDer, and they want to be recognized as to truly being transgender.... And it goes on and on in forever cycles as these words and labels change, almost daily anymore.

So what are you to me? the safest bet, and for at least now I would simply say gender variant. I still like the idea personally of transgender being an umbrella term. Crossdressing to me is basically a verb of expression. Its what we do, not really who we are. So occasionally I will catch a memo about what the good and bad words are or words that are in today, but will be gone tomorrow. transvestite, once acceptable but no longer, although still somewhat used in jolly old England. Queer which was a horrible slang, now used in two different categories, a re claiming by some gay people, and gender queer, which has nothing to do with ones sexuality but more of a dual or blended appearance and perhaps overall presentation, mannerisms and activities etc etc.... I don't know maybe its really all just covfefe....

[Cheryl T]

why not just call yourself Human and let everyone else worry about the labels???
Personally I hate labels, they never seem to match how WE feel about ourselves. They simply give others a way to pidgoen hole us.

[Jenny22]

Crossdresser now, but that may change as you age. Just enjoy what you think you are.

[NicoleScott]

I agree with Gretchen: CDer with fetishistic inclination. Your description of yourself as to what drives your arousal is pretty thin. Some CDers say the transformation itself is the fetish (causes the arousal). Others (me) have fetishes for certain items that themselves arouse and drive their CDing. Splitting hairs maybe. Anyway, I have always believed if you have a sexual (not the magical beads type) fetish, you know it. As with nearly every other term used here, definitions of fetish vary. Such as posted in another thread:
"I have 150 panties, so I must have a fetish". Maybe, but not necessarily. It's not the numbers. It's how they affect you. Some men have a fetish for high heels but have none and never wore any. They are aroused when their women wear them (especially during sex).
You also get comfort by CDing, and underdressing. Not my experience. I never underdressed and get excitement, not comfort, from CDing.
It's fine to find a term to describe you. You are what you are, so don't try to fit a definition (as if we could ever agree on one - ha!)
Your other question: if you are a guy who wears women's clothes, you are a crossdresser, and fall under the transgender umbrella. I have a forum friend who, like me, identify as a guy who likes being a guy and who likes to dress up. Our styles of expression are similar. I claim to be transgender (under the umbrella) but she doesn't. TG is another term we all can't agree on.
Just be yourself and have fun.