A change in context

[Elizabeth G]

Hi All,

Since my wife found out about my dressing late last year we have had numerous discussions about it. All of these discussions have come in one of three forms. We discussed it in therapy, in the form of a serious one on one talk or it comes up in a joking manner. All of these are good in my opinion but last night something different happened.

Without boring you with the details of the conversation I'll just say that in a very routine, unplanned way she just mentioned something about an upcoming opportunity I'll have to dress and made a couple of supportive comments and suggestions. It was all so... normal. I know it doesn't sound like much and I'm not explaining it well but the fact that my dressing seems to be becoming normal for us in some small ways is huge for me.

Thanks for reading,
Elizabeth

[Laura912]

"One small step for man, one giant leap for mankind," comes to mind. (I may have mis quoted.). Sometimes the smallest steps cover the greatest distances.

[Leslie Langford]

Great news, Elizabeth, but keep in mind this Forum's mantra: "Baby steps, baby steps..." When something of a breakthrough like this happens, the natural tendency is to let the pink fog envelop us on the assumption that we have been shown the checkered flag to proceed at full throttle now.

Ain't necessarily so, and the landscape here is littered with the corpses of those who thought the same, only to be shot down in flames when their wives or SO's did a full U-turn on their presumed new-found acceptance because they were being pushed too hard, too fast.

Proceed with caution, and for every favor received, pay it back double to maintain harmonious relations. And above all, let her continue to proceed at HER pace, which is exactly what appears to have happened in this case.

[Lana Mae]

Great news, Elizabeth! Baby steps now to maintain! Hugs Lana Mae

[Teresa]

Elizabeth,
It is wonderful to think wives can make these suggestions after thinking about it but I would agree with Leslie, U turns are fairly common.

I had a similar experience, during my gender counselling , the whole family joined up at a children's activity centre , my wife knew what I was going through although she chose not to join me in counselling . She watched me playing with the grandchildren, it must have made her think what a mistake it was that we were talking about a possible separation so on the way home she announced she would allow me to openly dress at home, that offer lasted 24 hours. OK maybe I was expecting it ,that's why I didn't rush home and change, I'd been through Uturns before !!

So take one day at at time and maybe expect CDing to be one step forward and two back , it's hard to keep taking knock backs .

[Becky Blue]

Sounds like a really positive small step forwards that may in effect be a large step forward, best of luck!!

[Krea]

Hi Elizabeth,
That sounds like a very encouraging approach from your wife. It's amazing how these small things really make such a big difference to how we feel.
Hopefully you will be able to look back on this moment as a significant step forward.
Best wishes,
Nic

[bridget thronton]

Hope the future is kind to you both

[Jenny22]

Hi, Elizabeth. Your 'upcoming opportunity' comment piqued my (and possibly others) interest. Can you share with us what it was and what type of 'supportive comments and suggestions' she made? I'd sure like to hear this success story and how it came about.

[Stephanie47]

Elizabeth, maybe through therapy, discussions and having the ability to inject some levity into the matter your wife has come to realize you really are the same person she loves no matter how you dress.

[Elizabeth G]

Hi Ladies,

Thank you for the kind words and sage advice. I'm certainly doing my best to take things slow and I expect setbacks. I'm trying to show my wife just how much I appreciate her acceptance and I will continue to do so.

As for my upcoming opportunity... my wife is going away this weekend for three days, and while this trip isn't solely for the purpose of giving me Beth time, that is one of the primary reasons. Our conversation the other day centered on the fact that originally I was to have the house entirely to myself for that time but now my family is throwing me a curve ball and I will have visitors. My wife brought this up and very casually mentioned that "your father sleeps a lot and he also goes out quite a bit so you should still have some good chances to dress".

The conversation went on for a bit but what struck me was just how normal it was and how she was trying to help me work around the problem of company and still get time to dress.

I need to make sure I do something special for her when she gets back.

Elizabeth

[NancySue]

My sense is knowledge. I told my wife before we said "I do". She was concerned because she knew nothing about cding, except Hollywood, gay, etc. I'm straight, so that issue was eliminated. We talked many times and did a lot of reading over many months, including this site. I wasn't until she read, in several places, that almost always cding is a compulsive behavior personality trait, that it will not go away. I told her that was my case....when the pink fog unexceptionally rolls in I'm hooked. We continued to talk, when some time later, she appeared at ease with my dressing. She even surprised me and bought me a bra, panties, makeup and thi-highs. I was stunned but very happy. She now accepts and supports my dressing and I have a complete wardrobe. We still search for the reasons "why", for which we've found nothing of substance. I believe you are on the right track....crawl, walk, run and sprint. Don't rush things. Best to both of you.