My Father------Your Father?

[Rachel Smith]

I was in the store (CVS) trying to pick out a Fathers Day card for, guess who?, yes my father. But just like all the Fathers Days before this one every one I read seemed to be a lie. That is not to say I don't love my Dad it's just that being the youngest of two boys, well at least that's how I was raised, I just didn't get the attention my brother did, i.e., he taught Bill how to shoot a rifle, I taught myself how to shoot. He and Bill went away deer hunting but the first year I could go he told me I was too small and he and Bill went then the next year he allowed me to get my license but, imagine this, he couldn't get off work to go and never went away again to go deer hunting. It's little things like that that I think about when I read these stupid Fathers Day cards and why I feel in some way they are all lies in some way or another.

He is fine with my transition and that makes me wonder if I would have been better off being born a natal woman to begin with. At least that way I wouldn't have been such a bother to him.

Now for the question: have the women here been really close to their Dad's growing up or did you, like me, feel somehow you were more of a 3rd wheel?

Hugs
Rachel

[Heidi Stevens]

I understand completely Rachel. Sometimes it also happens to the first born. My father was too busy to make it to any of my functions because he was busy making his career his top priority. By the time my younger brother, by four years, came round to doing things, dad made efforts to see to some to some of his things. But he didn't add my activities because I was older and could manage ok. I did scouts on my own, school was mom's area and my sports activity was a joke to him. I swam competitively for almost 6 year. He attended one meet. Was never at baseball games either. My brother saw him cheering in the stands a lot. You get the picture.
I managed ok and he did make it to a few things, like my college graduation. I don't think he was doing it on purpose, but things just were a bit too obvious. With me I was always on my own as long as I didn't get in his way and his work. Even now when I try to help him with things as he ages, I get the short shrift. He knows nothing of me being TG and I'm keeping it that way on purpose. He'd probably ignore me again and say that his final years would be more important.
Don't worry, I'm cool with everything. The man lives in his world and you're not invited unless it benefits him.
I still send him a card and wish him a happy Father's Day, but I don't expect much in return.

[Rianna Humble]

Rachel, I'm sorry you are reminded of those experiences every fathers day.

To answer your question, my dad had 4 children and at no time did any of us feel less loved than any of the others. I don't have a lot of memories of going and doing parent/child things with either parent - my dad was too busy working so that we would have the things we needed to grow and be happy and my mum was too busy with part time work and running around after us. One thing never changed though - I was always proud that he was my father and I still love and miss him nearly 3 years after his death.

[Ineke Vashon]

My father left shortly after I was born. Took up with another woman. Simple solution for Father's Day, one of those days I have to ignore. Not having adult male support might have contributed to my alternative CD life style.

I can't help but think that Father's Day, Mother's Day etc. are for the most part merchant driven occasions and really have little to do with those who love their parents every day.

Ineke

[Pat]

I didn't have a great relationship with my Dad, but neither did my brother. So I guess he was consistent. My brother actually has more anger over the memories; I just wrote him off.

[Bria]

I was the one boy in between two sisters. My Dad was very active with me in Boy Scouts. I was no good at sports so there were no game to attend. I was always closer to my Dad than to my Mom, who was the disciplinarian and for whom we kids were never quite good enough, although she loved to display me (the boy child) to her friends, I hated that.

I still miss my Dad even a dozen years after his passing.

Rachel and Heidi, I'm sorry that you missed out on a close relationship with your dad.

My first wife was the apple of her father's eye until the boy child came along seven years later and he threw her to the curb. Go figure. We see the faults of our parents and vow not to do that to our own kids. We probably do something else that they remember critically.

It sure would be nice to be a perfect parent!!

Hugs, Bria

[JocelynJames]

I was as close as the 5th of 6 boys can be with their dad I guess. He always tried to be equal, but we knew who was the favorite. A few years back I was made health proxy and will executor. To my surprise he said I was the only one he could count on. We didn't always see eye to eye, but he passed in 2014, and I miss him.

[Georgette_USA]

My father was not active in the child rearing process. He didn't do sports or any of those father son stuff with us kids. He did his best as providing for all of us, so my mother could stay at home and take care of us.

My mother handled myself and my 3 brothers and later my much younger sister, I was in the middle. I was always probably way to close with my mother. She did nothing to help or stop my gender frustrations in my youth, back in the 50s-60s what could we have known.

My father is now 92 and adult senility is getting bad. Both my parents and my siblings have always supported me in my life.

I visit with him for a couple of weeks every year, he lives in Florida and I live in Maryland. Try to chat with him on phone once a month. After my mother died in 2013, after 69 years of marriage, he has had some trouble adjusting.