Being Pushed into the Closet! ....Me Ranting!

[Meghan4now]

Ugh,

Judy, yes you have played the sympathy card here long. And based on older posts, if true, then you would not dress just once a month. In fact, I did the math once, and your description added up to dressing twice a week on average for over ten years.

But to my point. While I am a big proponent of trying to work it out, if your big concern is that leaving her is financially disastrous and you'll die of lonliness, I would suggest that you need to see a therapist. Not for TG, but for codependency. Quite frankly, I get the feeling that you are in one of those love hate relationships that is toxic.

It might be better to be broke and alone, then to live in constant dread. You might piss her off, you resent her domineering, nothing is ever right. Maybe you need some serious time apart. Does she appreciate anything about you. Do you appreciate anything about you? Ever hear of the Stockholm effect? Or maybe you need to stop living a fantasy, and either fish or cut bait.

Sorry to be so harsh, but you seem stuck in an endless loop. Do SOMETHING!

[Megan G]

Judy, you have the right to a life that you enjoy and makes you happy....and so does your wife. Having a husband that crossdresses may just be too much for her and those are her views and she is entitled to them. I'm not saying it's right or wrong but her choices are her choices...

Now that it is out and you know where she stands you have to make the choice of what is more important to you... your happiness or your marriage.... trying to change your spouse is wrong...

We all take this very same chance when we come out. My spouse has been extremely supportive of my transition and has been with me every step of the way but that does not mean she can live with it.....and we are separating in 6 months when I move out. I would never deny her happiness just for my selfishness to want to stay married.

Everyone deserves to be happy.....

I wish you the best.

[Eveva]

Some people like conflict for conflicts sake. As a couple have mentioned in the thread you have some tough choices that will have both short and long term consequences. The only new thing I can add to what has been said is that I have an x-wife that sounds like may share a lot of behavioral traits towards you as mine did to me. Not even on the subject of CD but just in general. I stay latched on and in that marriage for 7 years. It was very toxic. I'm in therapy nearly seven years later and still working thru some of the issues from that relationship. I can't imagine having to add the subject of cross dressing into the mix with my ex. I did not see the light and ended up alone and out on my bum with no plan or warning. Search your soul and search it hard.

[Jenny22]

Judy, a legal separation that lasts for the rest of your (her?) life is possible, without divorcing and the cost thereof. She's not happy (does she want to be?). Would either or both of you be happier, if you were apart? If that thought has ever crossed your mind, do not leave the house without getting legal advice first. Just leaving could be abandonment , and might give her the legal right to sole ownership of the house if divorce was to ensue.
Talk to an attorney soon!

[Judy-Somthing]

I never said I wanted a divorce, nor did my wife.
She just expects the CDing to stop.
Three months ago when I told her I CDs behind closed doors most of my life she said a lot of nasty things but never said anything about separating.
Other than the CDing things appear to be good.
Now a days we see some type of CDing on TV two or three times a week, and she'll make snide remarks.

And then days like Saturday morning when she was putting on makeup.

I said "what are you doing?"
She said "putting on my makeup"
I said "I no nothing about makeup"
Then she broke out in laughter.

[Eva Bella]

Just a thought from what I've observed.

For many wives, the crossdressing isn't the issue. They can deal just fine with their husband in a dress, wig, and makeup.

They hate the lying, the sneaking, the obsession, and (I believe) the subservient and childlike behavior.

Although I don't want to associate strength with "manhood," I believe that most women will have a hard time respecting a man who suppresses a crucial part of his nature and happiness just because his wife says it makes her uncomfortable. For better or for worse, women tend to admire confident partners who stand up for themselves. In this scenario it seems like you have neither her acceptance nor her respect.

[Jodi]

Doesn't divorce sound a little extreme to spend about $80,000 and loose everything that took a life time to get just so that I can dress up once in awhile?

Happier when by myself? I think If I were by myself I would only dress once a month then what the other 30 days.

Judy, That's why they make lawyers. You should be retaining one now. get yourself one who is a barracuda. Go for her throat before she can do it to you. From what you have said, she will do all in her power to pillage you. If you expect to survive, you have to take the initiative.

Crossdressing be damned. It will not be a factor on property settlement. Property settlement will depend upon how well you defend yourself.

Good luck. You have one hell of a fight ahead of you.

Jodi

[Patrica Gil]

Many people who claim to be okay with GLBT are okay as long as it is not in their house.

[Dianeh]

I feel your pain. I have the a similar problem. My SO accepts gays and trans people but as a CD she does not fully accept it. I cannot buy clothes, shoes or anything but she does on occasion give me nightgown that I can wear around the house and to bed but that is as far as it goes. To me that is NOT acceptance and she is only being fake to me and others. O well, I just sit here and accept it. Again the female RULES and can do anything they want and it is accepted.

[Invisible Emily]

It sounds like your significant other has double standards.

[Ellie Summer]

Sounds like she only supports the LGB and not the T, as is the case with a lot of people unfortunately. I don't get it. And why why why attack Eddie Izzard. He is one of the most personable celebrities in the business. He's hilarious! How can you not appreciate a guy with his wit? As far as I'm concerned he has been one of the more influential people in normalizing the T in LGBT. He even ran something like 30 marathons in 30 days for charity. The dude has a heart of gold, is incredibly intelligent, and looks great in a pair of heels. When will people get over it and appreciate people for who they are and not what they look like...

[Barbara Black]

Judy, I sympathise with the way your wife acts. I have gotten the same remarks about hiding things from her because they know the reaction that they will get, and it's just not worth it to contradict her. But I also get the 'why are people so mean to me remarks' from her, wondering why she isn't included in one thing or another, specifically, conversations, but sometimes events. But, contrarily to you, I do make comments about her double standard opinions, right up until I know that she sees my position, whether or not she agrees with it. After that point, it's back to the useless, 'bang your head against some mad buggers wall' (excerpt from Pink Floyd's, The Wall).

Stephanie: I love the French Maid outfit idea. Unfortunately I would end up doing all the house cleaning if I did that.

[Nikkilovesdresses]

You could mention that it puzzled you that she applauded the f to m, then in the same evening criticised the m to f. If she's not totally unreasonable it might just make her think.