about to get married and worry so much

[TrishaTX]

I think Stephanie has this right....its best to come clean now. DADT is great when it first happens because it is better than nothing but everyone gets tired of it...and wants more.

and Rachel was even closer to the mark...see a therapist together and talk ti out.

[mykell]

chloe, i get the lack of acknowledgement.

i find the responses harsh but valid, you asked, we offered, not what you expected im sure.....time to reflect and admit some truths.

i hope you appreciate the harsh truth that we offered by your peers.....take some time to digest it....use it to your advantage....hope the results are validating....

[SHINY-J]

Need your advice gals,
Me and my GF have been in relationship in 10 years. She knows about my CD but she does not like it. We live separately and last year she found out that I am still CDing. She got mad and since I love her, I purged. But you know those feeling never gone. I still want to dress up. I love her so much. I told my self if I love her I would sacrifice things for her. After those purge, slowly I added back my collection without her knowing.
We are planning to get married soon, I am afraid that I can't control this desire. For those who is married and have a non supportive wife. What do you do?

I did pretty much the exact same thing with my EX... pretty important to note that she's the EX now... the only difference is that I purged before we got married as we were moving in together and I had no way to hide my stash. It's still one of my biggest regrets in life as I had literally about ten thousand dollars worth of clothes, heels, boots, wigs, etc... that I hastily and thoughtlessly tossed into a dumpster in the middle of nowhere out of fear that she would discover it. They were my favorite dressing style from the late 90s and early 2000's where there was a lot of bimbo fashion that I love in shiny, wet look fabrics and wild colors. I'll never be able to find them again. It still haunts me to this day...

At any rate, I threw out everything gurly that had and moved in... we planned on getting married a little over a year later... still engaged and about 6 months before the wedding, we were back home after a wild, fun Saturday night and we'd both had a lot to drink . We both got into an emotional talk about how happy we were and how much we loved each other... etc... we were in a great deep discussion and it was evident it was bringing us closer together... well, I felt unbelievably close to her and it felt like the stars aligned and this was the perfect time to tell her about my dressing... and it didn't go over well... at all. I didn't even come completely clean about it... I didn't tell her the extent I dressed, how extensive and expensive my gurly wardrobe was.... how much I enjoyed it and how I still had the desire to do it... etc... I just mentioned that I used to have some satin panties that I loved to wear and I would occasionally wear a pair of heels ... her demeanor IMMEDIATELY did a 180... the entire dynamic of the conversation changed and I'd have to say that our relationship did as well...

Although, I hated to ignore it, and tried to bring it up several times to explain my desires and reassure her it had no effect on my feelings for her or my sexuality, it never led anywhere positive and just seemed to open up an old "wound" for her... so, We sort of never brought it up and talked about it anymore... except for when we got into the typical husband/wife spat over the usual marriage problems... bills,... in-laws,.... work,... etc. then, she would use it against me to hurt me... because I still had my dressing desires which I kept secret from her, the fight usually stopped there as I would just walk away...

I ALWAYS placed her first and did anything and everything I could to make her happy and be the best husband I could be.. but, Obviously, she want very understanding or empathetic to my feelings... and she didn't respect me AT ALL... so the inevitable happened and we separated and filed for divorce... and of course, she threatened to use my dressing desire against me to gain leverage in the divorce...

I guess what it boils down to is that you REALLY need to address this before you get married... it will not get any better by waiting... and I honestly haven't EVER come across a CD - no matter how intense or how casual their dressing desires are - who has quit cold turkey and never had the urge again... once it's there, it's there...

I'm guessing that if you're this deep into the relationship and plans are set to get married, that you're going to end up purging, hiding your desires, and getting married anyway- despite whaT EVERYONE on this board is telling you.. you probably feel like you've been together too long,.. wedding plans are set..., family and friends all know... etc.. and that you're too far in to back out now or tell her about it your dressing as it will blow up in your face...

But I can promise you that you're just putting a band-aid on a gunshot wound... it will surface again and the stakes will be even higher.... You're just prolonging the inevitable.