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Thread: First time out at the mall!

  1. #1
    Gold Member Lana Mae's Avatar
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    First time out at the mall!

    This is to address feelings and what I am taking away from my mall experience! This is not about the MAC counter! Let me address the smile thing first! I have very few and rotten teeth and that will be my next big adventure-dentures! I told a few of you that I was down and i was and did not know why! Confidence or rather the lack thereof! I was fine until I was told the makeover would be at the other MAC counter in Belks! Down the escalator and do a 180 and trudge to Belks! No confidence! It like went up in smoke! Worried walking past all those people and glancing at each expecting something! But nothing! One person asked if it was thrilling, scary, not up to expectations, or too nervous to tell! all of those and too down to tell! Another asked if I was comfortable and I was not! Those awful pics remind me of how I felt! I did not put my glasses on and the bags under my eyes are so very noticeable!
    What do I take away from all this?
    Do not try too much on a trip out! It was the first time in public in a skirt and I should have worn jeans or pants! (Uncomfortable!) I need a shorter wig and a new wig cap! Not only did my wig slip but the wig cap was visible through my entire makeover! LOL I bought 5 items! I budgeted for more but had eye make up at home! I was trying to get the foundation right!
    Big point: plan better! Had no hours on my Tracphone! Did not call my daughter who was sitting on the sofa when I came in the front door! She who does not want to see daddy in a dress! She says, that is alright dad, I thought I might see you like that today! (Acceptance?)
    In summary, I will put this one behind me and hope I can get the money together to go to Keystone 2018! Thanks to everyone! Hugs Lana Mae
    Life is worth living!
    "Foxy lady! You look so good!!" Jimi Hendrix

  2. #2
    Member BettyMorgan's Avatar
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    Everyone has different confidence levels, and different environments, family, etc. Keep moving forward, as long as it feels good, then you are on the right path. If it doesn't, then change directions. You are at the wheel and know what's best for you. Navigate yourself and worry less about presentation. That will come.

    And forget the pants, even if you think it will help you blend in. Skirts and dresses all the time! ; )
    They/Them
    I love dressing as a woman.

  3. #3
    Gold Member Lana Mae's Avatar
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    Please respond if you read this as I need your comments to get over this! Thanks Hugs Lana Mae
    Life is worth living!
    "Foxy lady! You look so good!!" Jimi Hendrix

  4. #4
    Silver Member Kandi Robbins's Avatar
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    Lana,

    I am going to contradict myself a bit here. Think things through BEFORE you head out the door. Logistics are the keys to being comfortable.

    Once you have done that, don't overthink things. Soak it all in. Enjoy the experience. Just relax!

    Listen, I know I photograph fairly well (most here do), but I am fooling no one when I am out. But that doesn't stop me from confidently going out and enjoying myself. I understand your smile issues, but hold yourself confidently (even if you are all nervous inside). People are too wrapped up with themselves to pay much notice to anyone else. You went out, you were successful in navigating your way around and nothing bad happened.

    We are all so proud of you!! You did it!! You have more guts than most. You should be damn proud of yourself.

    Always here if you need.

    Kandi
    Visit Kandi's Land (http://www.kandis-land.com/) daily! Nothing but positive and uplifting posts!
    Pictures and stories of every time out: https://www.flickr.com/photos/131254150@N06/.

  5. #5
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    Lana,
    I'm so sorry it went like that when you had waited for so many weeks and pinned so much on the outcome and the next step.

    There was nothing wrong with your plan, you were so excited to go through a transformation and find a higher level of acceptance , I'm afraid it's just a job to those girls, they won't see it like that.

    If I can give you one tip , try Olay Firm and Lift cream , it does really work round the eyes, I wear it everyday even if I don't dress . I don't know how much better their product just for eyes is but I know the cream works all day . I can't say for certain if your glasses are male or female ones ? That was one aspect I sorted straight away, when I had my eyes checked I asked for a deal on a third pair in a female style, that can make so much difference when dressed.

    So where do you go from here ? Well I know you won't give up, as I said in my PM we're both the same age and we've both arrived at this point after so many years of trying to deny it. You have to find ways to be comfortable with it and enjoy it. As I also said social groups do work, and you don't have to worry about how good your wig is , in fact most will let you attend in drab. OK that's not for me and I don't think it would work for you, just getting out there and talking face to face will boost your confidence. We often get people selling off items and a SA comes along from M&Co. with clothes for sale , in fact that is where I bought my wig from another member, I'm told it would have cost in excess of £100.00 and I bought it for £10.00 and I've been out in public wearing it.

    I'm sorry I should have asked the question did you learn anything from the MAC makeover, can you confidently do it yourself now ? If you need to do it again do as I did and go in drab , all I asked for in Boots was a colour check for foundation , she found the colour and showed me how to apply it as she did with the powder. As I needed to know before I went out for the first time socially, I wasn't nervous , I didn't have to worry about what outfit to wear and I thoroughly enjoyed it even though I was seen by passing customers . I would probably do it dressed now if I wanted an update to get my colour checked again.
    Last edited by Teresa; 06-20-2017 at 06:42 PM.

  6. #6
    Gold Member Read only Rachael Leigh's Avatar
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    Lana confidance is something you have to build to, it won't happen overnight. For me I probably went out more then a dozen times before it became comfortable, and even now there are days I go out and look in a mirror as I shop and I think
    oh my what people who see me must be thinking. Even though on those days I just move on and own it I go forward and think hey I'm out here in a skirt or sundress and I'm going to enjoy it.
    I'm glad your daughter didn't just yell at you and hope you will find your joy and confidence in going out.
    Hugs Rachael Leigh

  7. #7
    Member Tina June's Avatar
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    Lana -
    It took a HECK of a lot of courage to do what you did! and we all know how difficult the first few outings can be - weather we have been out many times or still working up the nerve for the first! I still look back at my first time and think of what I should have done differently, but I have used it as a learning experience and I like to think that every time I go out I do better, and with more confidence.

    Think Forward, Think Growth, Think Positive! ALL of us are with you!

  8. #8
    Gold Member Helen_Highwater's Avatar
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    Lana Mae,

    You wrote; Worried walking past all those people and glancing at each expecting something! But nothing! So if nothing else, despite all the issues youthink you have, you went out and interacted with the muggles and came back in one piece, not a scratch.

    Okay, you were thrown by your plan going somewhat awry but you coped with the changes. Please don't look upon this as a failure. Not perfect I'll grant you but be proud of your achievement. You took that all important step. Use it as a learning experience and build on it.
    Who dares wears Get in, get out without being noticed

  9. #9
    Senior Member Hell on Heels's Avatar
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    Hell-o Lana,
    You had a simple plan, and carried it through.
    I don't see where you lost confidence? I can understand
    the being scared part, but remember this...
    It was you that took that escalator ride, spun that 180,
    and found a seat at the Mac counter!
    It does get easier. Relax and have fun being yourself.

    And yes, I believe that was acceptance from your daughter!
    But please get some more hours on that tracphone.
    Much Love,
    Kristyn
    I smile because you are my friend, and
    I laugh because there is nothing you can do about it!!!

  10. #10
    Silver Member Maria 60's Avatar
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    WOW! WOW! WOW! You must be still asking yourself if you really went out in public wearing a skirt and presented yourself as Lana Mae. That must have taking so much courage, you are being very hard on yourself, no matter how wrong it may have went, there must have been some learning experience you learned from all of this.
    When I read your thread on the weekend I felt your nerves threw my I Pad and I believed you weren't going to go threw with it, but you surprised me and trust me I would have had the same experience. I believe when you found out about the change of location you got to nervous that threw you off and you forgot about everything else, sounds like your nerves made you lose your focus. I for one am very proud of you for even walking out the door, now you tasted the waters and next time you will be more prepared and know what to expect. Instead of being so hard on yourself, give yourself some credit and pat yourself on the back. Looking forward to reading about your next outing and yes I believe it will happen. Thanks for sharing your experience.

  11. #11
    Member greeneyes's Avatar
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    Lana! I hear you saying...what went wrong...but look what went right!!! You did it! you went out. you handled a change of plan! you didn't just cut and run! You went through with your appointment, you got new make-up! and walked back out! you went back home..and may Isay IT IS YOUR HOUSE! Your daughter saw you.....she had mentally prepared herself to see you (what a great blessing!)

    I think this is a WIN!!! don't be so hard on yourself chica! You did good!!! hugs back at cha! Greeneyes!

  12. #12
    Banned Spammer
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    Why are you down is my question you did everything you set out to do. Mission accomplished soldier !!
    Outings never seem to go exactly as planned for me anyway there is always something I didn't expect to happen.
    I'm really proud of you Lana Mae so just keep that thought in your head.
    You have had 2 pro makeovers I have had 0 so you are way ahead of me.
    We all love you here Lana Mae never forget that.
    Sounds like your Daughter is coming around too and I think that is awesome so it actually was a good day.

  13. #13
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    Seems like you did what you set out to do. Nerves are just part of the process. Next time wil be just a tad easier.

    Very great that your daughter responded so well. that bodes well for the future too!

  14. #14
    Silver Member Aunt Kelly's Avatar
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    Oh, Lana Mae. I wish I could hug you right now. I'm so proud of you and so sorry for you at the same time. Yes, proud. You got out there and did what you set out to do, and as unrewarding as it might have been, mission accomplished. And then that moment with your daughter. Yes, maybe just a first step, but in the right direction Those things are huge.

    It gets easier from here. You know it will, so take your time. In a few days, you'll be able to look at things more dispassionately. From what I know of you, you may already be planning improvements for the next outing.


    Hugs,


    Kelly Marie

  15. #15
    Aspiring Member OCCarly's Avatar
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    If you got the right color foundation, learned how to use concealer on the eye bags, and made it through a makeover at the mall, those are three huge victories! High fives all the way around and do the happy dance!

    Skirts are a learning curve item and dresses are even tougher. Figure out jeans and tops first.

    Wigs are also a learning curve. It is one thing to pose in one at home, entirely another to wear one in everyday life. To be honest, living out there as a woman is like owning a race car. You are going to have a lot of failures and a lot of fun while you figure out what works. Enjoy!
    Carries a spray bottle of "pink fog" around with her in her purse at all times.

  16. #16
    Senior Member TheHiddenMe's Avatar
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    You know what is going to happen.

    The sun is going to come out tomorrow.

    You went out, like you have been thinking of doing for many a year, if you are like many others on this board.

    And the world didn't end, did it?

    We move on, we try to get better.

    I will bet you are already planning the second time out.

    It gets easier.

    Your daughter didn't freak out.

    Life is good, right?

  17. #17
    Silver Member Becky Blue's Avatar
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    Lana, I say You Go Girl, you did it your first mall outing and very little went right, but not only did you survive but nobody seemed to have made anything of seeing you so most of your discomfort was self imposed.

    I am sure that now you have gotten that out of the way your next outing will be much better planned and hopefully a lot of fun too!!

    Be proud of what you achieved today!!
    A.K.A Rebecca & Bec

  18. #18
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    Hi Lana.

    I applaud your courage. Walking through a mall is one of the toughest challenges in my opinion. It sounds like it went off OK. There wasn't a mob with pitchforks and torches ready to burn you at the stake. I think this is pretty good. Maybe in a few days you'll feel differently. And your daughters reaction, how good is that?

    I did the same thing about three weeks ago. I had the advantage of just coming from a makeover, so when I hit the mall I was looking pretty much as good as I'm ever going to. I also had a skirt on and I still think that's pretty cool. This was my first outing in public en femme. I got clocked by a couple of ladies once I entered the first store. I almost chickened out but regained my courage. I started thinking about how women compose themselves. I don't know if you've ever noticed, but they seem to have a certain attitude about them. They tend to display confidence and just keep looking straight ahead. Once I started carrying my self this way it helped a lot. It boosted my confidence too. It's a carefree kind of attitude.

    I do know what you mean about bad teeth. Mine are bad too. Discolored. Jagged. My smile is definitely not my best feature. In looking back at my pictures from that day I've come up with what I call my Mona Lisa smile. In male mode I tend to frown and this shows up in my mouth, cheeks, and forehead. It takes away from the feminine features that are in my face. I've attached a picture of what I call my Mona Lisa smile, this is the facial expression I'm going to try and maintain as a default when in girly mode. A smile is of course better, but how do you maintain a smile without looking a little goofy (smiling picture attached too).
    Attached Images Attached Images
    Last edited by sweetdreams; 06-21-2017 at 01:43 AM.

  19. #19
    Queen of Chinatown jennifer0918's Avatar
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    Awww Lana Mae ,darling I think you did great very brave of you. With the time your outing will get better,practice to and you will see it will get more easier with time. When of my last outing went like I didn't plan it my makeup up was awful my wig looked messy but I learned there will be rainy days,and to keep moving forward.

  20. #20
    Aspiring Member
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    Lana Mae,

    Please try not be to down about your experience. Not to long ago I was away for work and had the chance to dress/make up to levels I have never achieved before.
    I was on a high and contemplated making the step outside in a place where I was pretty safe from being recognised.

    I didn't/couldn't.

    It was a confidence thing with regards to reactions from anyone should I come into contact with them and lack of confidence in my presentation.

    I wish I had taken my opportunity as I don't know when it will present itself again next.

    What you did was take a big step and big steps often come along with all sorts of things to process afterwards. I, like you, have read many different people's accounts of all varieties regarding 'stepping out' the front door but now you have experienced this and many many other related things. You have lived it!
    You have made documented accounts - REALITY!

    For that alone you should feel immense proudness.

    The question is what do you do with all the emotions this event may have caused.

    Really only you can answer this but as this forum keeps proving there is so much support from others living the same realities as you.

    Don't panic about your feelings right now, reflect on them and perhaps tackle one at a time. You might find that over the coming weeks some of those doubts and angst subsides without any need to examine them further.

    Lastly I would like to state the obvious, do what makes you happy, learn from your experiences but I do hope you continue your journey as from the little I know you seem to have a beautiful soul which will see you through to the next chapter.

  21. #21
    Silver Member Leslie Mary S's Avatar
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    Hi Lana I think congrads are in order.
    I have done that three times ( Not in my home town) but with the aid of a couple support girls who had me in tow in Atlanta GA.
    Leslie Mary Shy
    Remember this:
    You do not have to be a man to love a woman, or be a woman to love women's clothes on her or yourself.
    _________________________

  22. #22
    Stand-up Comedian En Fem❤ Alice_2014_B's Avatar
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    It is definitely a learning experience (I'm still learning), but it does get more and more fun.
    Melissa: "... and why are you dressed as a woman?"
    Coach McGuirk: "Because it's freeing."

    -Home Movies
    (cartoon series)

    Shoe size: 9 US women's.
    Dress size: M to L; 8-10.
    Height: 5' 6".

  23. #23
    There's that smile! CarlaWestin's Avatar
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    Don't feel like the lone ranger, Lana Mae. I was so nervous for my first makeover that I was sick to my stomach for days. The private session with Amy was marvelous and I looked great! I had such great plans for afterward but, I just didn't feel up to it and I completely removed everything after a couple of hours. That's when I got this image. One of my favorites. I've never been able to duplicate that look.

    amys work.JPG

    But, the first adventure out for a pro makeover is in the bag and I know what to expect next time. And, these opportunities are extremely rare.
    I can't imagine being dressed and in a mall for the first time, achieving your destination and then being told to go somewhere else.
    Can you find a more personal and relaxed experience in your area?
    I've waited so long for this time. Makeup is so frustrating. Shaking hands and I look so old. This was a mistake.
    My new maid's outfit is cute. Sure fits tight.
    And then I step into the bedroom and in the mirror, I see a beautiful woman looking back at me.
    Smile, Honey! You look fabulous!

  24. #24
    Silver Member Elizabeth G's Avatar
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    Hi Lana Mae,

    I'm Not due I can add anything that hasn't already been said.

    You did it girl! It would have been so easy to just turn around at the first setback. The fact that you are already planning to try again says a lot - I admire you for that!

    Also, your daughter had now seen you and seems to have reacted well and that's great.

    This was a learning experience, not a setback. You did very well.

    Elizabeth

  25. #25
    Transgender Person Pat's Avatar
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    Lana -- As everyone else is saying, you did a remarkable thing and shouldn't be feeling bad about it. But perhaps packed too many firsts in one day. It's hard to maintain confidence when you're doing something for the first time -- you're hyper-vigilant of others and hyper-critical of yourself when you're doing something for the first time. It's easy to overload your coping mechanism so a small event cascades and knocks you down. So relax. Look at that list of stuff you did. Forgive yourself that it wasn't perfect and just recognize that all things get better with practice. You did great.
    I am not a woman; I don't want to be a woman; I don't want to be mistaken for a woman.
    I am not a man; I don't want to be a man; I don't want to be mistaken for a man.
    I am a transgender person. And I'm still figuring out what that means.

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