Lost my confidence

[Jane G]

I have never been the most confident cross dresser in the world. At 6ft 4 , with huge hands and feet, I am never going to pass. But at least I once had the confidence to walk into a store in drab and buy clothes and make up. Yesterday I walked into our new Boots makeup dept, intending to but some foundation and lip stick. It's a new store, far bigger that the old one and clearly all the assistance are keen as mustard to help out. So the assistant came over, nice as pie and offered to help me out, assuming I was s buying for my SO. When she started asking which product I was looking for I just froze, acted dumb, like I had never seen a makeup stand before then walked away. What the heck happened there, I'm, 55 FFS, I should be able to buy the products I want to buy by now. Feeling a little pathetic today as a result.

[Stephanie47]

Perhaps it was the new surroundings. Perhaps you were out of your comfort zone.

[Micki_Finn]

It's easier to be open when you can do it on your own time. Being put on the spot unexpectedly can be awkward.

[Lana Mae]

That happens! Tomorrow is another day! Pull up those big girl panties and go for it! You can do it! Hugs Lana Mae

[Nikkilovesdresses]

Keen as mustard, nice as pie - food is clearly on your mind- have you been starving yourself to lose weight? If so, I recommend shopping on a full stomach, preferably after downing a couple of large cocktails.

Downside is that with all that boosted confidence you'll spend a fortune. I speak from experience.

[Jane G]

Thanks LanaMay. I probably just need a good slapping. A life time of hiding is not something I can just reverse. The discrete world of ignorance I once enjoyed appears to be vanishing though. Even in SW England.

[Stacy Darling]

So, you do have it!
I'm a girl that knows that you do have it!

Feeling for it or just letting it come around!

Being more girly than I, I think that your confidence shall return!

Less confident, Stacy!

[Alice Torn]

I happens.

[Nikki A.]

We all have bad days. It happens. There are times when I just can't do it also.

[Dana44]

Jane, Don't worry abut that, perhaps go back to the store and talk to the manager and tell her what happened. I bet they will fix that problem.

[suzanne]

When I was still new to dress shopping, I was a bundle of nerves and easily put off my train of thought. I think it helps to anticipate beforehand how an initial conversation might start and have something definite in mind. So, at my now favorite dress shop, here is how it went:

SA: Hi, how can I help you?
Me: Do you have any dresses in size 20?
At this point, the SA (I later learned she wax the store manager) realized I was shopping for myself, so she was,
"OH! Right over there. When you find something, I'll set up a fitting room for you."
Once begun, the conversation ran a course of its own. But, since the ice had been broken, it came more easily.

Now, I realize much has to do with her powers of perception. She tells me she has other CD customers (she won't elaborate. She's a professional about respecting their privacy and that's good, because that means she respects mine as well), so I didn't surprise her. But I did my part, too. I was prepared to own who I am without fear or embarrassment.

So, my dear sister, I think you should see our experience as a minor bump in the road, not a disaster. The more you get out there, dressed or not, and interacting with different people, the easier it gets. But the first step is becoming more comfortable with yourself. You say you don't pass as a woman? So what? Find a way to tell yourself, "Pass or not, I LOVE who I am and how I look. I have good taste in clothes and I know how to be presentable" And then carry yourself in a way that tells everyone else you really believe it. Be proud of who you are. You are a beautiful person who deserves to be happy.

FWIW, I'm about your age, nearly as tall and considerably heavier. I don't try to pass, I try to be presentable. No one thinks I'm trying to be a woman. They look at my outfit and continue their conversation with me as if it is No Big Deal.

[Pat]

It's one of those "it happens to everyone" things. Don't worry about it. Forgive yourself and realize that if it's important to you, you'll do it another time.

[GinaSkirt]

It is fine those moments will come. I am 6'2" so understand. Those moments of doubt come. Maybe if you read my post "The Journey continues. It mentions my height and the fears that come being out. The next trip out might be your best ever, your fine.

[Dani0948]

Jane - I'm 6ft3 with large feet and hands as well. I go out dressed, but I don't really interact with others much as my voice is not feminine. I really don't feel tall when dressed, and am not sure if I pass, but I have decided to ignore others as they don't know me and I don't care what they think.

[alwayshave]

Jane, I'm 6'2 230lb, was 260, so I don't blend. I have lost my confidence, but at this point I don't care, really the only thing that most people care about is the color of your money.

[Tracii G]

I have done that too so you are not alone.
Just face it we screw up sometimes nobody is perfect.

[Teresa]

Jane,
If you have a need to it will happen .

I was venturing out for the first time about 18 months ago, and my makeup was remnants from my wife and daughter, so I just bit the bullet one rainy Sunday morning and walked into a larger Boots in my next big town a few miles away. I asked a floor manager for a skin colour check so she took me to a booth to wait for a beautician . She was lovely , she did the check and came up with No7 foundation in wheat, she said she would do a couple of sample tests but got carried away and did the whole of my left side, showing me how to apply it with a brush , I then asked about powder so she suggested a shade and again showed me how to apply it. All this was going on with shoppers passing by, yes there were some smiles but I just smiled back. I asked about lipstick shades and mascara brands so she cleaned me up and acted as a personal shopper. We discussed the various product and with her suggestions I bought the items, I thanked her so much for being so patient and helpful and she thanked me for having the chance to make a guy up or the first time .

I would certainly have no hesitation now doing it again, it was a lovely experience and gave me the confidence to go out socially for the first time knowing my makeup was the right shade, applying it is a different matter , I am getting better and finding out how little to apply to give a reasonable appearance .

[StephanieM]

I have noticed that confidence appears to come and go. Sometimes I have the confidence to actually go out in public fully dressed, other times I totally chicken out like last night, the wife and I made it to a local watering hole near our house and at the last minute I chickened out and we went to the local ABC store and went home home and watched Guardians of The Galaxy 2 on Amazon. I couldn't even join her in entering the ABC store. However I was advised by my dad, a life long CD, that whenever you get a bad feeling it's best to just go home.

There are also times I can go to the store and buy a 6 pack of beer and pantyhose or makeup without a second thought. Other times I can't even walk down the makeup aisle without feeling nervous.

[Jane G]

Thanks so much for all your replies and words of encouragement. I was feeling quite down earlier. Daft I know, tommorow is another day.

[Diane Taylor]

I can understand your feelings about being 6'4" because there aren't many women who are that tall. BUT......I had a CD'ing friend who was 6'5" and went out in public on a regular basis. He also felt that he didn't pass but always summoned the courage to be his true self. I'm 6'0" and as a result never wear heels because I feel it would give me away. We all do what we feel comfortable with so do whatever you can, and go wherever you want and to Hell with the "others". Possibly schedule your outings at trans friendly places?

[Jean 103]

Ok I've been thinking about things kinda related to your confidence problem. The only people that can hurt me are my friends. Everyone else are just extras. I just don't let anyone become a close friend. I'm just fine with them staying simply an acquaintance. I have been where you are at. I did a couple things to get past the bright lights and all the products. The most helpful was I followed a couple girls utube channels on drug store make up reviews. So over a year ago I stop at a drug store for lipstick . An SA comes up to me and offers to help. Well I think ok, we talked for a minute and I could tell the poor girl didn't know anything hardly about lip products. She knows what she uses and likes. I ended up educating her . My good deed for the day. Ok the other part. This is your life. Live it the way you want. Yes you will fall down but get up. Put one foot in front of the other. Pretty soon your walking. It does get easier , it takes time and some effort.

[Ressie]

Acting dumb is a good defense mechanism. This reminds me of a shopping experience I had around Valentine's day. You know, that's the time men shop for the SOs and can get away with buying women's stuff? I had it planned that I was going to walk into the Dress Barn and tell the SA that I'm pretending to shop for my wife, but I'm actually a crossdresser looking for myself (haha).

It turned out that the SA looked like she was about 16 and it just didn't feel right to tell her that. I kind of froze too, but I did look at a few things, then I left quickly. Yes, I still chicken out or get nervous sometimes after all these years of shopping en drab for myself, and I'm 5'7". I guess we have to ask ourselves why and try to learn from the experience.

[Beverley Sims]

Next time will be easier, you may still freeze up but not as long as this time.