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Thread: Why am I so afraid?

  1. #26
    Transgender Person Pat's Avatar
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    Why are you afraid? Simple -you're worried that something will happen that will harm you in some way. The actual question is what are you afraid of? It seems unlikely that if you get out of your car in a skirt all traffic on the street is going to come to a screeching halt, so that's probably not it. I'd say the two biggest problems are inexperience (you don't know what will happen, so you start thinking anything might happen.) Or internally you think you're doing something wrong and you're expecting divine lightning (or an agent of the divine) to strike you down. Technically that's called internalized transphobia and it's a product of your upbringing. You have to learn that you're OK and the people you trusted to help you form opinions while growing up, though perhaps loving, were wrong. That's why gender therapists are so popular -- you have to work your way out of that.

    Best answer is do what makes you feel comfortable. If what's comfortable is not what makes you happy, figure out why and correct it. It's a life-long process.
    I am not a woman; I don't want to be a woman; I don't want to be mistaken for a woman.
    I am not a man; I don't want to be a man; I don't want to be mistaken for a man.
    I am a transgender person. And I'm still figuring out what that means.

  2. #27
    Member Joan58's Avatar
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    Why is shaving off the beard not an option? I had a long full beard for over 30 years, My wife freaked a little when i came home one day with it gone,

    but she got over it. Have never looked back. Opened so many opportunity's for me to dress and go out. I do not miss the beard at all.
    Joan58

  3. #28
    Gold Member ~Joanne~'s Avatar
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    I had one really bed experience at janet's, and one really great trip to janet's. the difference between the two? The bad one , janet was there and I was full on drab, the second I was full on femme and she wasn't there. take it for what it is and I have posted the experience here some where.

    You can park right next to the front door, there is a parking space right there, it will make your exposure to those around very limited. The people that will probably see you are the Rally's workers but from that distance, who cares. The people driving up fort street will not have enough time to see you.
    Flip Flops were made for Beaches & Bath Houses, We have neither in 2017. Lose the flip flops!

  4. #29
    Platinum Blonde member Ressie's Avatar
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    Yes Joanne, it's not an area with pedestrian traffic. Vehicular traffic probably depends on the time of day, but I wouldn't worry since there's only a few steps from the parking lot to the front door. Looks like there are even parking spaces right in front of the entrance.
    "You're the only one to see the changes you take yourself through", Stevie Wonder

  5. #30
    Silver Member
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    At one time or another, everyone in this forum has felt as you do now. The solution is nothing more than experience. Get out there. Own who you are. And greet the first sales person you meet with a smile and a request to see "that dress in my size". The first time is always the hardest, but also the most rewarding. Once you know what to expect, you will realize that your fears are groundless and you can enjoy the outing. But no amount of forum posts can substitute for your own first hand experience. Just, as they say, "just do it"

  6. #31
    Silver Member Maria 60's Avatar
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    I bought my first pair of heels in a crosssdressing store, when I was asked if I wanted to try them on I refused, the owner of the store told me not to worry and this is a place that I could be myself, anyone else who walks threw that door has the same interest as myself. It was very hard to remove my socks to expose my pantyhosed feet to a stranger for the first time but I tried the shoes on and the owner was so incouraging he had me try on a skirt also just so I could break the fear. I went back a few more times and everytime I went it was great experience. It really depends on how you wish to present yourself, if you like facial hair, well it's good to go, for myself when I do for my drives I like to present myself as close as possible to a women so I shave. Do what every make you happy, after all that's what it all about.

  7. #32
    Silver Member Kandi Robbins's Avatar
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    Been to Janet's and you can park right next to the door and have a very short walk into the store. Park on the side of the building, to the right of the door and you should be able to slip in unnoticed. I've stepped out frequently in a skirt, dress, blouse, etc.....not yet shot or struck by lightning.
    Visit Kandi's Land (http://www.kandis-land.com/) daily! Nothing but positive and uplifting posts!
    Pictures and stories of every time out: https://www.flickr.com/photos/131254150@N06/.

  8. #33
    Aspiring Member MelanieAnne's Avatar
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    The store has been there for many years. Everyone in the surrounding stores and neighborhood knows what it is and is accustomed to seeing the customers come and go.

  9. #34
    Silver Member Bobbi46's Avatar
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    Nervousness is a big hold back in wanting to do something but seeing as you are going to a gender friendly shop in a safe place where other sisters have been to as well must give you the needed impetus to dress, go there, park up, if you need to park as close as you can, but then be yourself create the courage that you know you have deep inside yourself, get out of your car and walk into the shop. I would go in there dressed. Nobody is going to look at you oddly or why are you in there. You will be in an environment of help and understanding.

  10. #35
    Member steffigirl37's Avatar
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    I've walked into Janet's Closet in male mode one time. Browsed, looked at many items, talk to the sale girl. It was a nice experience. No problems.

  11. #36
    Platinum Member
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    Ive been out many times, in skirts, dresses (maxi and pencil, etc) as well as shorts and tank tops... Never once been stabbed, and the lightning strike just barely singed my wig. Nothin to worry about

  12. #37
    New Member
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    Been to that place in male mode, when i was out that way on business. janet is great you will have a blast.
    If I didn't have to work the next morning I would have let them make me up n go out on the town. I did take a bunch of stuff home.

  13. #38
    Member wearingtanpantyhose's Avatar
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    Update:

    First of all, thanks for many supportive comments. Yet, some weren't so supportive, either. All of us have different circumstances, desires and needs. Many of us are so deep in the closet that they can't share their secrets with their wives or close family. Luckily, that's not my case. That said, the truth is I don't want to shave off my facial hair. As a male, I look better with it.

    Not all of us can shave our legs, but I do. My legs look much better smooth and my wife is OK with it. Yet, I don't think I've ever read a post here that chastised anyone for NOT shaving their legs.

    My desire isn't to go out to clubs, pick up men or other crossdressers or even go shopping at the mall. Nothing wrong with any of that; it's just not my thing. In fact, I only get dressed completely (no facial hair, wig, bra, nails, jewelry and makeup) just a couple of times a year, and always in the winter months. Yet I wear a skirt, panties, pantyhose and (usually) flats every single day, mostly at home but occasionally when on the road (driving and always in my hotel room). I don't get out of the car, but have often gone though the drive-thru and through toll booths sporting a skirt. And I kind of get a kick out of truckers I pass looking down when I pass them. After all, I do have really pretty legs!

    That said and after considerable consternation, I decided not to even go to Janet's Closet today even though I was only about 20 miles away. My plans were to buy a pocket bra, forms, nails, a padded panty girdle and a gaff... all of those things necessary to attempt to pass in public as a woman. And I think THAT was the source of my fear...way more than walking into Janet's in a skirt and a goatee. At least, that's my self analysis after thinking quite a bit about it.

    Obviously, a store that caters to crossdressers sees all varieties of us every day and even if some stranger driving by saw me, not a soul who could have clocked me in the 10 seconds it would take to walk from my car to the door would have any idea who I was. I just decided I didn't need that stuff, at least not now.

    I'm pretty happy working from home wearing a skirt, and occasionally slip into a bra and a dress with heels. I think my crossdressing wish list is more focused on clothing equality, yet I'm pretty sure it's not going to happen in my lifetime. I hate taking off my skirt I've been wearing all day because I have to go to the bank or the grocery. I HATE the panic when the doorbell rings. I don't understand why it's not culturally OK...but it's not. And I look fantastic in a skirt if I do say so myself. My wife tells me all the time my legs are prettier than most real girls. Oddly, it would be WAY more culturally accepted if I was transgendered. A lowly crossdresser? Not so much.

    The only way I could really go out in public would be if I completely presented as a women. The times I've ventured out completely dressed from wig to heels (and no face fuzz), I've had a blast but it's not a motivating desire for me to be fully dressed on a frequent basis. But it IS a motivating factor to wear a pretty pair of panties, hose and a cute skirt just about every day. It's relaxing and it's who I am. So for now, I guess I'll just be happy with being me, facial hair in the summer and all, wearing what I want to wear in my own world.

    May all of us find peace and happiness in whereever their crossdressing journey leads. I guess I really don't need a girly ass and giggly boobs at this point in my journey, but recognize many of us do. For me, I need to change my pantyhose before my wife gets home. Damn runner! And these were brand new.

    Thanks again for listening.

  14. #39
    Platinum Member Angie G's Avatar
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    Given where your going I say just do it come on girl up hun.
    Angie

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