Results 1 to 24 of 24

Thread: I got busted again but now I feel I must tell more people

  1. #1
    Silver Member Bobbi46's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2015
    Location
    France, Villessot near St Christophe
    Posts
    2,753

    I got busted again but now I feel I must tell more people

    I thought that the first time of being "discovered" would be it and slowly people would get to know and that would be it and life would trickle on as though nothing had happened. But yesterday evening was to prove the opposite. In or village every year we have celebration similar to harvest festival and it is dedicated as St jeans day, we have free pate, sausages lots of bread and also free beer and wine all paid for by our council. the end of the evening is celebrated with a bonfire and we walk round it hands linked. at the end of all this I said goodbye to some of my ex pat friends and walked away to my car, not getting very far when I was stopped by another friend who said in a bit of a loud voice "before you go I've got a question, in private" taking my arm and moving us away but to what I considered still too close for whatever it was he had to say to which he said" someone tells me you buy women's clothes and wear make up!!" I was stunned as to how he knew because I know lives well away from my hamlet and our village. With other people within earshot as I thought I asked him who told you and he replied a bit sneeringly ah can't tell you can I which got me a bit wound up so told him no I don't and walked away.
    Which in hindsight was the wrong thing to do as it turned out because I decided to phone him and up front him about myself. HE WAS NICE AS PIE. when I told him I wanted to put the matter straight and got the response of it makes no difference to me about how you want to live its cool with me.
    I went on to explain the reasons why some are gay some are not and that research had proved that it was genetically linked. He said oh know about that we got some in the family that are the same!.
    So I thanked him for his honesty and told him that I felt I had to be the same with him.
    I was genuinely surprised but greatly comforted by what he said to me. So in the future if someone asks am I this or that instead of hiding behind a smoke screen I will come out straight with it to whoever asks.
    It just goes to show that not everything need to be the disaster it was first thought of!

  2. #2
    Stop that, it's silly.... DIANEF's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2016
    Location
    TEHRAN
    Posts
    2,274
    That's an interesting story Bobbi, maybe the guy has leanings towards cross dressing and was reaching out to you in some way. Pure speculation of course but mentioning it was 'in his family'....... Hmmmmm...
    Here today, gone tomorrow....

  3. #3
    Senior Member Jean 103's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2013
    Location
    Central Coast, CA
    Posts
    1,817
    He obviously wanted to let you know that he knew and was okay with it. May be surprised at how many people are just okay with it or even supportive. I'm out meet new people all the time and even occasionally an old friend. I too live in a small town and news travels fast. This is why two years ago I came out.

  4. #4
    Silver Member Bobbi46's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2015
    Location
    France, Villessot near St Christophe
    Posts
    2,753
    Thank you Diane for saying that, I now feel that whereas I did not before, that people are far more accepting than I first thought and this incident proves a point, by the way he is a big hunk of a builder! not the sort I would have thought would have sympathetic leanings to our community. Just goes to show, don't prejudge people.

    [SIZE=1]- - - Updated - - -[/SIZE]

    Jean, I am beginning to think the same hide behind something and people make all sorts of assumptions not always the right ones.

  5. #5
    Aspiring Member Fiona123's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2016
    Location
    MN
    Posts
    965
    Bobbi, you showed courage and honesty in calling him back like that. I'm not sure how I would react in a similar situation. I'd like to think that I could come out if challenged. Good for you, though.

  6. #6
    Silver Member Bobbi46's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2015
    Location
    France, Villessot near St Christophe
    Posts
    2,753
    Felt so much better having come out to him, to have pursued what I earlier said, I have no doubt a whole pile of possible unwanted gossip would have followed. He will no doubt tell more people.

  7. #7
    Gold Member Lana Mae's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2016
    Location
    North Carolina
    Posts
    8,606
    Good for you, Bobbi! Hugs Lana Mae
    Life is worth living!
    "Foxy lady! You look so good!!" Jimi Hendrix

  8. #8
    Silver Member Bobbi46's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2015
    Location
    France, Villessot near St Christophe
    Posts
    2,753
    In a way I feel I do not want to sort of hide from something that has nothing wrong with it I feel now I am ready as it were to open the door properly to everybody

  9. #9
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Jan 2010
    Location
    A bit south of the 49th!
    Posts
    23,676
    Chances are that the subject is widely known, and probably not from him. It may be that, since he has family members with similar interests, that hearing the gossip made him curious enough to ask. Also, since he did so away from people, he was apparently hoping to avoid undue embarrassment. I'm glad you came around to talking with him and that your courage was rewarded with a positive response.

  10. #10
    Silver Member CynthiaD's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2011
    Location
    Texas
    Posts
    2,931
    When confronted with an accusation, guilty people say "Who told you?" Innocent people get angry. Remember this if you want to keep secrets.

  11. #11
    Silver Member Bobbi46's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2015
    Location
    France, Villessot near St Christophe
    Posts
    2,753
    Cynthia, It was more the latter my way of saying who told you was not guilt it was more confrontational on my part I felt it an affront to speak out like that in public. In any case by speaking to him the following day the whole thing was clarified.
    I have no secrets least of all of being who and what I am. What I have learnt from this is to be more open. Next time I am faced with a similar situation I will come right and say yes I dress.

  12. #12
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Jan 2010
    Location
    A bit south of the 49th!
    Posts
    23,676
    Its kinda a funny question for a person to ask. I can only think of one time when I was asked anything similar. Way back, after my first divorce a guy from my home town asked me if I was gay. I knew before hand that my ex had told people near and far about my cross dressing, so I presume he had heard one way or another. Anyway, I wasn't gay, and answered honestly to that effect. Now, if he'd asked if I was a cross dresser, I'm not sure I would have told the truth.

  13. #13
    Silver Member Bobbi46's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2015
    Location
    France, Villessot near St Christophe
    Posts
    2,753
    That's why I initially answered the way I did but next time I will answer truthfully, yes I am or yes I do. Denying something will come back and bite another time. What this experience has given me is the courage to go out there and tell when asked.

  14. #14
    Senior Member Laura912's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2012
    Location
    East coast
    Posts
    2,559
    Bobbi, you highlight an issue that I have yet to address, and that is the time when, for some reason, somebody asks me the scary CD question. Your thread, and the experience of others, has led me to the point where the answer is going to be yes. Then see what happens. The old saying, "If you don't want to know the answer, don't ask the question." This response would have been completely different 10 years ago.

  15. #15
    Banned Spammer
    Join Date
    Aug 2008
    Location
    Between here and there but mostly here close to the donuts.
    Posts
    22,257
    See the world didn't end and your friend was OK with it.
    You do know now more people will know because he is going to talk and tell others more than likely.
    If confronted or ask again by someone else just don't let it seem like your dressing is a big deal.
    If you act like its no big deal it won't be.
    You can say yes and go on and talk about something else.
    Last edited by Tracii G; 06-25-2017 at 06:44 PM.

  16. #16
    Silver Member Bobbi46's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2015
    Location
    France, Villessot near St Christophe
    Posts
    2,753
    Laura,
    yes 10 years ago I think there would have been a big backlash over something like this, thankfully times have changed and as I am now finding out people are far more accepting than I ever thought before.
    Tracii,
    Thank you, very valid points indeed. I know the man (Mick who confronted me that evening) quite well and he and his wife are good friends to me so in a way I do not think he blab out of turn to others just for the hell of it.

    I took round a 6 pack of beer for Mick today as a thank you for his understanding and had a very fruitful conversation with his wife, (Mick was out at work) and fully explained my situation, she too was very understanding and accepting of my lifestyle. She also told me that they had some gay friends and that my lifestyle made no difference to them at all. She understood fully what I was explaining to her.
    I was very touched by her kindness to me.

  17. #17
    Senior Member Nikkilovesdresses's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2014
    Location
    The lingerie dept.
    Posts
    1,848
    I wonder if his initial approach, which you describe as sneering, was alcohol fuelled?

    He sounds an unpleasant character, even if he told you 'it's cool with him'.
    I used to have a short attention spa

  18. #18
    Multi-Blogger Barbara Black's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2015
    Location
    Northeast Wisconsin
    Posts
    1,942
    I thought that maybe your denial at the time was maybe the right thing to do, considering you corrected yourself later. Maybe an unnecessary physical or verbal confrontation was avoided, perhaps due to the consumption of alcohol? Maybe he was sorry for the confrontation as well and embarrassed about it, and thrilled that you called later for some real answers about it?

  19. #19
    Banned Read only
    Join Date
    Dec 2013
    Location
    UK
    Posts
    13,082
    Bobbi,
    Shame you couldn't attend the activities dressed then he wouldn't have had a problem.

    It's good to see you are getting there, OK same comments as before you needed a couple of chaperones , but need to watch one of them she tends to drink a little too much wine !!

  20. #20
    Silver Member Bobbi46's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2015
    Location
    France, Villessot near St Christophe
    Posts
    2,753
    Teresa,
    yes chaperones would give me the most elegant bodyguards ever, however now the locals are beginning to know I will have to full on with both of you and as for the wine I know a couple (mick and Sara) who can really put it down the hatch and as for me I will send you the end result of a village binge.

  21. #21
    Silver Member
    Join Date
    Feb 2015
    Posts
    2,702
    Isn't it interesting that this person felt that your private gender presentation was the subject of public interest and scrutiny, and felt totally entitled and owed an explanation. Your privacy or emotional response were not as important as his curiosity.

    On the same token, he felt that the privacy and social standing of some loose lipped gossip monger and back stabbed was far more important.

    Sorry, this story just really pissed me off. I felt you were mistreated.
    Last edited by Meghan4now; 06-27-2017 at 05:05 PM. Reason: REALLY STUPID ENDING SENTANCE

  22. #22
    Silver Member Bobbi46's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2015
    Location
    France, Villessot near St Christophe
    Posts
    2,753
    Meghan,
    You have got it slightly wrong I thought that people might over hear what he was saying, in retrospect thinking back now we moved away from others and he reduced the volume of his voice and was only telling me because of what had been said to him. I now do not think we were overheard. If you read the follow up posts you will see that all has been mended.

    By the way why do you say "You just really pissed me off" do you mean me in that context??? if so why??

  23. #23
    Silver Member
    Join Date
    Feb 2015
    Posts
    2,702
    Sorry, no, bad typing. I meant that what I interpreted, pissed me of, not you!!!!

    A thousand apologies for that.

    As I read your story, and especially when you said he replied snearingly, it really made me think he was being disrespectful and unkind. I still think that he owed it to you to tell you who was spreading gossip. How is that more ok than you dressing?

    I guess maybe I sort of see this as an indicator of attitude which continues to marginalize the TG/Cd population.

    More apologies !

    Public, Bobbie did NOT do anything to piss me off, she actually is a great member who I respect!!!!
    Last edited by Meghan4now; 06-27-2017 at 05:12 PM.

  24. #24
    Silver Member Bobbi46's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2015
    Location
    France, Villessot near St Christophe
    Posts
    2,753
    Meghan
    Thank you for the clarification it is all clear to me now!. At the time it appeared to be have been said sneeringly but having spoken with (Mick) since and even later with his wife he is what he is and says things outright and at times his wife could clobber him. They have been friends of mine for years and now I have been invited to eat with them at our next village do.

    [SIZE=1]- - - Updated - - -[/SIZE]

    Another thing Meghan no need to apologise any more its all sorted out and laid to rest I thank you for your kindness in this.

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •  


Check out these other hot web properties:
Catholic Personals | Jewish Personals | Millionaire Personals | Unsigned Artists | Crossdressing Relationship
BBW Personals | Latino Personals | Black Personals | Crossdresser Chat | Crossdressing QA
Biker Personals | CD Relationship | Crossdressing Dating | FTM Relationship | Dating | TG Relationship


The crossdressing community is one that needs to stick together and continue to be there for each other for whatever one needs.
We are always trying to improve the forum to better serve the crossdresser in all of us.

Browse Crossdressers By State