Please help tearful

[Megan.]

Please don't remove this thread I'm. It sure if I have covered this or not in may have I feel so down right now I suffer with depression and I cross dress but I don't know how to deal with it sometimes it just feels wrong please help any advise would be great thanks everyone so much xx

[AllieSF]

It is not bad, it just is. You are not bad, you just are. You are a good person and have the verbal and mental support of all of us here. Do the best you can and in the long run you will be rewarded.

[jennifer0918]

You have plenty of support from all of us on the forum. Many of have been in that same spot you are in right now. Many beautiful, wonderful woman started where you are at right now,you can overcome Megan has the power within to conquer mountains.
Love&hugs

[Samantha uk]

Hi Megan
It is a very difficult thing to come to terms with, but you will, it just takes time. My SO and I did a lot of research about this behaviour and the thing that helped us was reading that psychologists say it is well within the parameters of normal behaviour for men and women to enjoy crossdressing. The thing that makes it difficult is other peoples perception of it, but even thats getting better, especially amongst young people.
So don't worry about it, have a look through some of the old threads on this forum, theres 1000's of them! so your definitely not on your own

[mbmeen12]

I don't know how to deal with it

A plea for help is a start. Here your thread will be read and you get many replies of support. I will suggest special gender counseling. Support groups etc....

[Tamsin Secret]

Those feelings can be overwhelming I know.

I try to think of them as a way of my mind getting itself in order over it all and usually in time it subsides.

If you have the opportunity then being able to discuss is a great way to help unburden any pent up anxiety. And as said in a previous post there is so much support here if you are not able to physically reach out.

Keep strong,

MissS

[Fiona123]

I have depression too. You are not alone. You should consider a therapist. Preferably one with gender dysphoria experience.

[Curiosity666]

If you're dealing with depression then I can't stress this enough: Seek professional help.

I know it may feel like giving in, or that it may make you weak. That's not true.

[GretchenM]

I recommend finding either a gender therapist or a personal therapist with experience in helping people with gender identity issues. Depression sometimes accompanies gender issues, mostly because it is often a secret behavior. Eventually, that catches up with you and creates a depressive effect. I have no idea where I would be today without having seen a gender therapist. It helped immensely. If the depression has lasted more than 2 weeks it is often considered clinical depression and that is very difficult to correct by thinking your way out of it. A therapist provides guidance and support in seeking out the cause and finding a solution that works for you. But recognizing that you are depressed and crying for help is half the battle. Now you should act on that need and seek the help of a professional. It is all very confidential and your therapist will honor your desires to keep it quiet if that is what you want.

[Aunt Kelly]

The good news is the depression is treatable, very treatable. And there is no reason that crossdressing should be causing you misery. As Allie says, it just is. Professional help will make you feel better all the way around. Go get some sweetie. Trust me. You'll wonder why you waited so long.

[kimdl93]

Please remember that cross dressing does not cause depression. Depression has both physical and cognitive dimensions. Your body may be predisposed to depressive states and there are treatments for that. But at the same time, any depressive state is heavily influenced by how and what you are thinking. Negative thoughts, particularly hyper-critical self thoughts, black & white thinking, and many other habitually self defeating thought habits make these episodes worse.

I know. I go there more often than I should and I've been treated for depression off and on for more than 20 years. the surest things for me at least are 1) get up and do "something"....take a walk, watch a movie, visit a family member; 2) learn to say "stop" internally or even aloud when you catch yourself thinking negative thoughts, and 3) challenge your negative thoughts...no, you are not bad, no, cross dressing doesn't hurt anyone, and 4) rephrase your mental narrative by acknowledging that while you're human and will make mistakes, at the same time remember the many good things you are, and good things you do.

[Barbara Black]

It's hard enough to get through the perception of others, but harder to relieve the guilt that you feel about yourself. As stated above, the self-guilt is unnecessary as you are as normal as anyone else even with this particular behavior. Stay with this forum.

[mykell]

unfortunately it sounds like you need a hug and we're only able to offer a virtual one,

Threads 187,173 Posts 3,581,887 Members 29,206 Active Members 3,552

so these numbers dont lie and this is but one outlet where WE congregate....

[SANDRA MICHELLE]

Looks like you are 35, imagine the stigma and doubt when a lot of us old timers dressed back in the 60's and 70's? If I was just starting out right now and know what I now know hell I would become a full time crossdresser. It is not the shame we felt years ago so try not to overthink it and try not to stress. Good luck!!!!

[Pat]

I'll join the chorus and say Crossdressing is not a crime nor is it a moral failure.

You list your location as UK, which I gather means it will take a while to get to see a gender therapist even if you rush out and start the process now. By all means start the process now. And if you can get depression treatment faster than gender counseling, absolutely get the depression treatment started right away. Crossdressing is harmless, depression kills.

In the mean time, read around on this site. Read people's stories and find the ones most like yourself. You'll find comfort and support just from knowing you're not alone. And you may get insight into how to handle your own inner guilt and shame.

Most of all, good luck.

[LeannS]

Megan
Oh dear you are not alone in this please don't do anything that will hurt you !!

Do a search on depression on this site you will find 332 threads that will be about depression I am sure that it will help you gain some insight and possibly help

hugs

Leann

[DIANEF]

Good advice so far so I won't add but my thoughts are with you. I'm sure you'll get through this.

[Teresa]

Megan,
Your profile page doesn't give much away, so we don't know if you are married with children or single .

I never really suffered from depression until I came out to my wife, but through circumstances I had to take Prozac long term. It helped with the depression but wasn't good in my wife's eyes because I felt easier with my dressing , eventually I had to come off them through my GP and wife's intervention. I recently saw a gender counsellor and again it was suggested anti depressants might help, this time I took them for a short while but found the side effects too difficult t live with. The point was I didn't need them I wasn't depressed, I was struggling with my CDing and the acceptance level of my wife and family .

If you can come to terms with accepting we are born like it and finally accept it, we don't need medication to deal with it , it's not an illness but handled the wrong way it can lead to depression and mental illness.

Most of us have been through this problem, you are among friends , we may have a different story to tell but they all help to come to terms with how you feel .

[Tracii G]

A little more info on your situation would help.
We have all wondered at one time why we CD but some of us just get over the stigma and continue on with out lives.
Some don't and fixate on all the negative connotations and worry too much about everything.
Its not against the law for a man to wear womens clothes so you aren't a bad person for doing it.
Many people here have been where you are now so hopefully you will get some quality advice.

[Kelly DeWinter]

Depression can be caused by many things;
. Changes in the season
. Chemical imbalance (saratonin levels)
. Life stress (marriage,divorce,death of a loved one , buying or selling a home) are the biggest
Its important do see a doctor or therapist first to be properly evaluated.

I work with veterans who suffer from major depression and by far the most effective tool used is H.A.L.T. As someone who has major PTSD I use HALT to help deal with the stress and anxiety of sudden bouts of depression. Basicly you ask yourfelf 3-4 times a day 4 simple questions.
. Am I hungry - if yes get something to eat . Usually a snack will do it.
. Am I angry - If yes , talk it out with someone separate from the situation that makes me angry.
. Am I lonely - If yes, get out and around people for a bit, sometimes just walking in a mall or sitting in a coffee shop will do the trick
. Am I tired - If yes, I'll take a quick 15 minute power nap or go to bed early.


Hunger can be physical or emotional need. Understanding the need to eat is fairly straightforward. However, we should remind ourselves not just to eat, but to eat well. find something wholesome to eat with a good friend or loved one.

Anger is a normal, healthy emotion to experience. The important thing is to HALT, and take time to understand what is causing your anger, and know how to properly express it. Perhaps you are angry with a situation, a person, or maybe yourself.
Calmly talk to the person you have an issue with or a friend who is a good listener.
Exercising, punching a pillow, or even cleaning are active ways to get rid of the excess energy anger brings with it.
Regardless of how you expel your anger, make sure you acknowledge it and reflect upon its causes so you can then release it in constructive, not destructive, ways.

Loneliness can occur when we are by ourselves or when surrounded by many people.
We isolate ourselves when we don’t feel like others can understand us, withdrawing into ourselves out of fear or doubt.
Being alone is a self-imposed situation. If you’re feeling lonely,
Going to a meeting, calling a friend, or visiting a loved one might be just what you need. You can also simply go out in the world by taking a walk, running errands, or going to a coffee shop.

Tiredness takes a toll on our bodies, mind, and spirit. When our days are filled with errands, meetings, and activities it is easy to ignore how tired we become. However, running on low energy compromises our ability to think and our capacity to cope.
A good night’s sleep or a leisurely nap may be all you need to change your outlook for the day.Recharging your body, mind, and spirit will help you get through tough moments and maintain your health.

HALT can serve as a reminder to all of us that we need to take care of our basic needs every day. For those recovering from addiction, paying closer attention to your feelings will help you prevent relapse. Take a moment each day to check in with yourself. Ask, “Am I hungry, angry, lonely, or tired?” Honestly assessing how you feel takes only a minute. Doing so will make the everyday stress of life easier to deal with and help you maintain sobriety.

[Lucy23]

Saying all will be well at this point will fall upon deaf ears. However, it will, eventually, when you are ready to see it.

Please, don't think I'm talking some new-age mumbo-jumbo of the secret sort. I've suffered from depression since I was 17 and it's been tough. I'm not going to pretend to know what you experience since you haven't provided any description as to what you experience.

However, there are still a few things you can do. First of all, allow yourself to feel that way. Don't be hard on yourself even though it is waaay too easy to reprimand yourself. If you can, try to eliminate every should, must or obliged from your mind, at least for some time. Why? My doctor told me that there are so many constraints that drive us to be hard on ourselves it is unbelievable.

If you can and feel like it, do some soul searching - what comes to your mind when you think of what drives you? What you like? Can you do some small steps that will bring you to that goal? Or at least a little closer? Are there any tiny snippets that for some reason give you spark? Let me give you an example. Last year I told a friend that I have depression, and he told me about a videogame called Dark Souls (please bear with me, this has a point). I had tried playing the game several times before that but I couldn't get into it. For several months I couldn't shake the feeling that I wanto to try it. I bought the game again and it was a transforming experience because in many ways it resembled what I experienced in depression, Funnily enough, the game in a nutshell is about constant dying and from your mistakes and trying to do differently next time. What I'm trying to say here, is there something that in spite of everything you are drawn to? I think there is something within us that knows more than our conscious minds and this can lead you to help.

But most of all, is there anyone in your life you can confide in? It doesn't have to be a therapist necessarily, though it is highly recommended, especially if you want to talk about gender issues. I for one have been through therapy and it helped in the way that I could for the first time in my life come to terms with certain aspects of my life that had tortured me before. The therapis created a safezone, an environment where I didn't feel judged in any way for the first time in my life.

I didn't tell him about crossdressing, but the fact that I could unload everything I had buried before was of tremendous relief, and in the process helped me come to terms with dressing. In fact, I later came out to two female friends (one of them was my first girlfriend to which my crossdressing could be tracked back) and both accept me like this. Yes, I know that I may be lucky this way.

Anyway, the poing is talk, talk, talk about it. At first, it will be unbelievably difficult thing to do, but the more you do it, the easier it gets and slowly you realize that by transforming both your inner world and feelings into words gives you a new perspective, maybe a way of accepting it, or even controlling it.

Stay strong. And to borrow a quote from Dark Souls, don't you dare go hollow.

[Megan.]

thanks everyone for your kind words i don't have any friends i can talk to about this i feel so lonely. I am single i live alone i have family but only my mum knows about my dressing i don't have any female friends at all

[Salina]

Hi Megan, I too suffer from depression. As many others have said, seek help. There is absolutely nothing wrong with crossdressing although I did feel there was for many years. This is a great place to get understanding and support so please continue to post. I hope things get better for you.

[Lana Mae]

It has mostly been said! A lot of experience and knowledge here for the reading! I agree getting a therapist might be a great idea at this point! Best wishes Hugs Lana Mae and keep us up to date!

[mykell]

thanks everyone for your kind words i don't have any friends i can talk to about this i feel so lonely. I am single i live alone i have family but only my mum knows about my dressing i don't have any female friends at all

try some volunteering Megan, dont know what kind of venues are about for you in your neck of the woods but nothing ventured nothing gained.

i do some time here with a LGBT club and meet lots o girls from university, old enough to be granddad, they still chat it up with me though, i even met some lesbians who take a shine to me....all in fun for me though, and i even get to meet peers, talking to someone who gets "you" is priceless....