Therapist part 2

[Gillian Gigs]

I have been seeing a Therapist for awhile now and today the ending question was, " what need is being fulfilled in your life when you dress"? She told me to not limit it to only one or two answers, that there are probably many answers. In her words, "if you can answer this question fully, you will be the master of it, and not it the master of you".
One of the reasons for joining this site was to get some answers to questions like this. Though, at times I may not have liked some of the answers I was coming up with, they are valid.
Nothing in life is simple, so why should CD'ing be any different.
CD'ing makes me feel, horny, sexy, sensually alive (feel that swish), feminine, in touch with my other self, pretty, gentle, compassionate, more loving, caring, this could go on for a long time, etc for now.

[Salina]

That's a great question. Until very recently I probably would have given a number of answers. Today the answer is that it's not crossdressing but rather it's an outward reflection of my authentic self. It's dressing as who I really am.

[Gillian Gigs]

CD'ing makes me feel, happy, at peace, ALIVE.
Yes I agree Salina, it is a part of my authentic self. A person who is wanting out of the box that this society and culture has put him in.

[Fiona123]

Gillian: I completely agree with your answer.

[Lana Mae]

It is the other half of who I am! Who am I? Example: fingernail polish both male and en femme! What? The swish of the skirt! Feelings? Many things and each a piece of the puzzle that is the journey! Hugs Lana Mae Have fun exploring!!

[Alice B]

If I had toanswer that question with only one answer I would say "it makes me feel complete"

[Jodie_Lynn]

Dressing allows the outer me to more closely match the inner me. Jodie is an anodyne for the discordance in my life as Joe.

[Confucius]

If a therapist were to ask me that question I would point out that crossdressing makes me happy. I would say something like I think my brain is hardwired to release feel good neurotransmitters when I crossdress, and it seems to have been around as long as I can remember. As a small child I remember my mother would tell me that she wanted a daughter when I was born. In my childhood I believed that all parents preferred girls. Girls were valued more because they causes fewer problems. Girls were praised for their appearance, and were given all sorts of pretty things that were forbidden to boys. I knew my mother would love me more if I was born a girl. I recall doing some crossdressing when I was three years old. When I crossdress I feel as if I am making my world right, and I find fulfillment, completeness, and there is a great anticipation of gratification. This gratification is sexual too, but I was crossdressing before it wass sexual, and I will be crossdressing even it wasn't sexual. So the "needs" are all about personal gratification.

[mbmeen12]

What need is being fulfilled in your life when you dress"?

1. My gurl look matches my mind set. In male mode, looking in the mirror its like completing a puzzle but then finding a few pieces are missing.

[Mollyanne]

Hi Gillian, Like you, I am seeing a therapist also. He asked me why I dress, how long have I been dressing and what do I get out of it. My answers were short, straight and to the point------I dress because deep down I truly believe that I am a girl, I have been dressing almost all my life, I feel more complete when I am dressed or even partially dressed. I even told him that I should have transitioned many years ago when I had the chance but I had to choose between my needs and family.

Mollyanne

[Nikkilovesdresses]

CD'ing makes me feel, horny, sexy, sensually alive, feminine, in touch with my other self, pretty, gentle, compassionate, more loving, caring

Are you saying that conversely you associate your male side with dull or no sexuality or sensuality; plainness or maybe even ugliness; roughness, callousness, a lack of compassion or caring and even a lack of loving?

Your avatar includes the words, I accept myself as is, yet to me your thread appears to imply the opposite.

What changes could you make that would bring the two sides of you more into sync?

Is there opportunity in your daily life to be a more gentle, loving, compassionate person?

[Gillian Gigs]

Aren't we all attempting to accept ourselves and embrace who we really are? What I am attempting to say is that to deny one side of ourself is to deny that we have a left, or right side to our bodies. When an individual has both a strong masculine and feminine side it can be conflicting. We often hear about the "Alpha" male, but what about the "Alpha" female? In my nature I could get Alpha at times, but the Therapist commented that this was usually involving traditional feminine traits. I had never thought of it that way! I spent years involved in Health and Safety and could get rabid about many issues. Caring and compassion are at the root of why I was doing this.
We all like to say that we accept ourselves, but there are sometimes nagging feelings that creep in. I want to deal with these feelings. To move on past acceptance to embrace, and love myself has always been the goal. That goal is not easy in a world that doesn't accept a CD'ing life style. Hence it may be that a happy medium needs to be found in which I/we can comfortably express this particular side of ourselves.
I can't deny that I have always had difficulty with Alpha type males, I usually refer to them as knuckle dragging neanderthals, but I have to accept the fact that I may have some of that in my too. The two sides of me needs to be in sync, and I think they are more than I have been aware of. Being loving, gentle and compassionate are a part of me, it's the manifestation of the feminine in the clothes that needs to be more in sync. I find the clothes leads me into my more feminine character traits, that in being aware that I am not perfect and hence I need to be loving and compassionate because others are not also.
This is where the Vulcan mind meld could come in handy, how can one truly express their mind on such a complicated issue!

[Alice Torn]

Good thread Gillian! You hit a lot of it, for sure. As a lifelong bachelor, with no serious SO's, I know that it is a sensual, sexual, fantasy thing, and a coping mechanism, for being an unwanted old single man, and i love the fabrics, design, and dresses. GG clothing is so sensual. I do not get why so few GG's will not wear hose , heels, dresses, or skirts!! I think part of it, is they do not want to look too sexy, or gorgeous, which attracts way too much unwanted male attention. T shirts, sweats, jeans, sneakers, are way more comfortable and less work, and they get far less unwanted male attention, than if they were all dolled up. For us men who CD, it is a thrill. I agree, society does not really accept this, and we are in harsh double binds, and in a box, that takes tremendous guts to come of now and then. Each time i go out in public, it is a titanic challenge, for me.

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Confucius I agree. My dad never wanted sons, only daughters! His first kid was my sister, who was born premature, has a rare disease, called Dystonia, cannot speak clearly, and is a 12 yr old mentally. My dad , supported us all financially, but i could tell he greatly favored my sister over my harsh older brothers, and me. i was not planned on. So, i think part of my dressing is not being accepted as a male much.

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Very deep, meaningful sharing, Gillian! I am conflicted over all this, too . Need a happy medium, stop beating myself up for my odd trait!

[ronniegirl]

This was one of the most interesting questions I have seen on this forum as it really hit me as I asked myself "what do I get out of crossdressing"..Aside from the fetish aspect of it there is a definite calming effect it has for me..I have many responsibilities (as we all do) and lots of people who depend on me for support..I think that when I crossdress and assume my femme personna it gives me the opportunity to escape from those responsibilities if only for a short time..It makes sense to me. As I got older and life got more complicated the urge to dress increased. I suspect my story is similar to many of you. Anyway this question will continue to intrigue me as I am sure it intrigues others on this forum..

[Rachelakld]

" what need is being fulfilled in your life when you dress"?

I dress because it helps keep me warm, especially in winter, but would prefer to live at a warm nudist colony

[donnalee]

As I change from my ostensibly "male" clothes (women's jeans and a t or polo shirt) into a dress or skirt and blouse, it's with an overwhelming sense of relief. No more pretense or camouflage, just me.

[fashionisto]

For me, CD started at 40, a little over 2 years ago. I have had an irresistible urge to do it ever since. It feels like I'm catching up with something I've been missing out on. There does not seem to be much of a female identity thing going on for me, but I do know that I am totally comfortable with being gendered as female, unlike some guys I know. I feel euphoric when I do it. In private I am thrilled that I can transform into someone I really find good-looking, rather than just OK-looking. It gives such a confidence boost. In public I am thrilled that I get a lot of positive attention. I mean, going to a party and having women gawking at you and saying "oooh you're so beautiful!", what guy wouldn't be thrilled with that?

Frankly, I think your therapist's handling of it is inappropriate. Suggesting that "you have to be the master of it" suggests it's a disorder or an addiction, which I think is an obsolete attitude in this day and age. Just like homosexuality used to be a disorder in the DSM with corresponding "treatment", which is thankfully being made illegal now. In the past, "Clockwork Orange" style aversion therapy was given to crossdressers (see https://youtu.be/n3wNyiS2AMk?t=23m30s). And guess what, it didn't work! I hope it will be banned soon as well.

If I had a female therapist ask me this question, I would answer: what would you feel like if you would have to stop dressing nicely ever again, and you would be forced to wear drab for the rest of your life, even in private? I expect she'd agree that would be pretty cruel. I mean, even women in burkas often are nicely dressed up underneath. If she would not accept such a situation for herself, then you can say: does that mean it is the master of you?

[Cherylgyno]

Gillian. For me the answers to these questions has changed during the last 50+ years. As a child cross dressing felt real good. As a teenager a fetish. Then back to feeling really good. These days it simply feels right. As a cross dresser I am happy. If I go 24 hours w/o being dressed en femme I am crabby and depressed.

[Pat]

" what need is being fulfilled in your life when you dress"?

I often like to turn questions like this around and see what's on the other side. "What need in your life is being fulfilled when you don't dress?" Are you mostly avoiding situations that make you afraid? Are you afraid of losing your job or your loved ones if you do dress? If so, is that "other life" a life controlled by fear? And if you were to choose, which is the one you want to keep? I know my own answers, but can't answer for you. But it's interesting to consider both sides. Good luck.

[docrobbysherry]

I'm a CD. Not a TS with an clear "female side". So, what does dressing do for this 70+ y/o. I'll answer with a question:

What else could a guy my age do that mite provide the excitement, thrills, escapism, and sensual satisfaction that dressing does?

[Dana44]

Wow, nice answers on this thread. I would say that for a gender fluid twisted mind. That we want to reflect our authentically reflected self. And yes the feminine side was always reflected in my reflection on both sides so it was hard to be an alpha male.. Yet in my heyday I did have respect from them. Yeah, as I am aging the girly me is far more present.

[Pat]

What else could a guy my age do that mite provide the excitement, thrills, escapism, and sensual satisfaction that dressing does?

Community theater?