a little disappointed

[Samm]

I thought being on vacation 200 miles away, I'd be able to relax a little and do some shopping (with the wife) without feeling like there was a neon sign over my head. After several failed attempts, with the wife's help, I came home empty handed. Mind you, I am extremely self-conscious, and feel out of place wherever I go. I'm always in male mode, but even that doesn't feel right most of the time. I envy those of you that can go out anywhere, in any "mode" and be relatively comfortable(specifically in stores). on top of that, there ended up being 4 couples that we knew from home. I guess we'll have to travel 300 miles next time!

[Kate Simmons]

Hi Samm, Most of it has to do with how comfortable we are in our own skin. Getting to that point sometimes takes a lot of hard work and determination but it can be done because I did it. Take care my friend.

[Joan58]

There is no place far enough away.My wife and I have seen people we know as far as 600 miles from our home.I took a load of freight to California from Iowa one time,was chatting with another trucker in Sacramento,Turned out we knew some of the same people back in Iowa.

It is a small world.

[Krisi]

I have no problem shopping with my wife because she is about my size. Sometimes she will try on something for me because I don't wear my boobs and butt when I'm out shopping.

As for your problem, the key is to figure out beforehand what it is that you want to do and then just do it! It's a bit like jumping into a cool swimming pool.

You are in a strange town where nobody knows you. The salespeople don't know you and even if they joke about you once you're gone, you won't know about it.

So - just do it!

[Gerrijerry]

Of course it is very stressful the first time. The second time but each time you shop it will be easier. The distance doesn't mean you will not run into someone you know. However you were not dressed while out shopping so no one will suspect anything. Try to relax, everything will workout eventually.

[Alice Torn]

Samm, i can relate, as I am sis foot six almost, and stand out everywhere i go. I also am a highly sensitive high strung bi polar person, who has suffered much family abuse, and form some others, and i struggle some in male mode, but , super, when i rarely am dressed as Alice in public. I feel like a freak, and am extremely vigilant, but sometimes it is not so bad, when i just own ti, and "damn the torpedoes, full steam ahead."

[Alice B]

That is a shame, especially when you have the support of your wife. Keep trying. It will get better.

[Tracii G]

Disappointments happen to everyone but you know what causes them? YOU !
You because you are so up tight and worried someone you know is going to "see" you. Let me guess when you go shopping with your wife you stay in the car or go to any other part of the store because being seen the the ladies dept scares the bejesus out of you.
You need to come to grips with everything and accept yourself first.
Sorry if I seem rather blunt in my response its just because I have seen it a thousand times on this site.

[RADER]

In Male Mode, I go anywhere, I have been doing that all my life.
As for shopping for Fem Stuff in Male Mode, I use to shop for presents for my wife
all the time in male Mode, so who is going to say who am I shopping for.
Take a deep breath, and with your wife, go shopping for what you are looking for,
You will much more rewarded for doing so.
Rader

[Tracii G]

RADER makes a solid point.
I think if you will open up and allow yourself to do this the rewards will be very helpful for you.

[lingerieLiz]

Yes you can run into someone from back home anywhere. I've even run into customers once in a while. Relax and enjoy yourself. No one knows who you are buying for.

[Samm]

Not at all Tracii. I know I'm not the first. I shop right along side my wife. I guess I'm just so uncomfortable in normal male mode. I come from a big family and can only take about a half hour in a large group before I feel like I'm going to implode.

[sara66]

Samm,
the more you get out the easier that it gets. I also hate crowds and try to avoid them. I learned that if I wanted pretty things I was just going to suck it up and do it. I know it sound trite. But most of us were freaked out when we first started shopping and going out. The key is not to worry about what others think. Most people will never give it more than a fleeting glance, and really don't care.
Get out and have fun. heels aren't going to buy them selves.
Sara

[Teresa]

Samm,
If I was 20 miles away it would e enough to shop as I chose , OK you bump into someone you know, how do you know they are shopping for the same reason ?

I must admit I now prefer to shop alone, it easier to interact with SAs , then go show the wife the items later not unless you're in a DADT situation like me .

[Tracii G]

OK Samm but who on this earth can make you get over all this? That would be you honey.
Toss out any excuses you want but in the long run its all up to you to get over whatever your issues are.
People will produce all kinds of excuses why they don't go out dressed Oh I live in a small rural town or my town has rednecks.
I live in a religious area or any other reason they can come up with.
The only one stopping you is you 99% of the rest of the world doesn't care what you are doing.
You wife is accepting so you have won the CD lottery yet you still complain?
I don't like large groups of people either but that is no excuse to hold myself back.
I'm self conscious too but that doesn't stop me either.
I'm sure you will come up with another excuse to limit yourself.
The reason I am being hard on you is I was the same way early on and had not accepted who I really was.
Its not easy and no one ever said it was,it takes commitment on your part to make it happen.
If YOU don't do something to get rid of your fears you will always be disappointed.

[Nikki A.]

It is nerve wracking at first, but it does get easier. I was at the Salvation Army store in my town yesterday, I remember, at one time, I'd be looking over my shoulder while shopping in the woman's aisles looking if anyone knew me.
Yesterday, I just shopped and went through the racks holding things up, dresses, skirts and tops and then I tried them on for fit.. I did find a nice red silk short sleeve blouse for 2.50 (score), a very nice skirt and casual dress. Thankfully I did try them on, since the skirt was too small and the dress looked nice on the hanger, but did nothing for me when I put it on.

[Lana Mae]

I was only 30+ miles away from home and met no one! It is a matter of chance! If you are afraid in male mode then dress as they won't be looking for you as a female! Do not make excuses find a way and do it! I did and if I can do it then anyone can! Best wishes Hugs Lana Mae

[Samm]

My OP was basically anyone "clocking" me, in any way, in any mode. Not necessarily someone I know. But I know, I have a long way to go. The wife tells me to just do it, but at the same time, doesn't want to have to explain any of this to either one of our families. Tracii, you should start your own boot camp. I would definitely join! Your words of encouragement are brutal, but that's what some of us need sometimes.

[Tracii G]

My own boot camp that sounds exciting I could include firearms training for CDers.LOLOL.
I hate to have to be so blunt sometimes but some need a proverbial slap up side the head to get my point across.
I almost have to poke their male ego and call them out.
This of course makes them angry because they know I'm telling the truth and they are actually scared of their own wives but just can't admit it.

[Gen D]

I am also sure that everybody is looking on me, and that I will see someone I know (Israel is a small country... kind of)
I buy online mostly, but from time to time, I just go to a tore, take a women things "to my wife" (but no one ask most of the time) and a few male staff for me - and take it all to the dressing room.
And inside, you are all alone!

[kimdl93]

I think that the point has already been made, but let me simply echo: that neon light over your head....yup, entirely a construct of your own imagination.

Here's a little experiment you can perform yourself. Next time you have the chance, go to a mall. Find a comfortable chair near the dressing rooms and just wait and watch. See any neon signs over anyone's heads? If you do...please contact a competent behavioral health professional or lay off the magic mushrooms.

[jack-ie]

My wife seemed to have a radar for understanding sales Ladies, and would sometimes make a comment to break the ice. She might ask the Sl, "do you think this color is good for her" (referring to me in the feminine). It wasn't always successful but sometimes it opened the door to a dressing room. It could sometimes be a little embarrassing but we could get a good giggle out of it when we returned home. My experience was that older Ladies were more comfortable with it.