It helps if you are able tell rather than keeping a secret

[Bobbi46]

Recent events have put me in the position of to "come out" more than I ever dreamed would ever happen. I live (as many of you know already) in a small community with 4 ex pat close friends very near to me. as a result of another distant friend having seen me out, dressed the news of this became somewhat local and I first of all visited a close friend who happened to a few days prior to knock on my open door and when I saw who it was, there was me in a skirt blouse forms and all the rest. When a couple of days I paid a return visit I found much compassion and understanding with him and his wife. This afternoon I visited his friend who is also mine as well and explained everything telling them that I wanted them to hear it from me rather than a slightly warped version from somebody else. Both of my ex pat friends have said that it will remain with them.
I told them both that I am not worried, that should it come up in conversation and should I be mentioned then I have no problem with the whole situation.
Now that everything is out in the open I feel so much better for telling.
I am a firm believer that if you hide from something one day truth will out and whereas I had been very careful word still got out.

[Stephanie47]

I'm happy it has worked out for you. Yes, it is difficult to maintain a secret from everyone, especially a secret that has a very big visual component to it. I think there has been many many postings on this site where the "reveal" or unintended "discovery" has not gone well. Unfortunately for many they have traded the angst of keeping a secret with the angst of being shunned or worse. Of course, in the manner you handled the situation you were able to control the flow of information. Sort of "getting it straight from the horse's mouth."

[Pat]

Now that everything is out in the open I feel so much better for telling.

Knowing your truth is important, but speaking your truth out loud is even more so. When the words come out of you they change your reality. Congratulations.

[Bobbi46]

Deep down I always knew that one day people might find out. Two years ago such worried me greatly but as I became happy within myself that worry dissipated. Now that the word is out the worry is no longer there.

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Also, Pat thank you for the congratulations

[docrobbysherry]

I can see where hiding behind an opened door can be pretty revealing. I would only do that if I wanted to be discovered. Apparently u did, Bobbi. I hope it goes well for u!

[Tracii G]

Thats awesome Bobbi I'm glad everything has worked out for the better.

[Alice B]

Coming out to my entire family and extended one has made life much easier for both me and my wife. There comes a point that trying to hid who and what you are is not fun. Having every one thatis important to you know is a major dtress releaver. Good for you.

[Teresa]

Bobbi,
It's the only way to be if you are to become comfortable in yourself .

I'm still sorry we couldn't have given you more local support but it looks like things are moving along if you take a look in Loved Ones section. I may be in the same situation as Carole in the next year , also probably penniless !

[Bobbi46]

In some ways it feels better to have things as they are now. At least my closest friends near to me have been told directly instead of hearing it from a third party and then wondering why I did not tell them first.
Teresa sorry about your news still room for you here!

[Lana Mae]

Congrats on moving on on your journey! Best to be from your mouth and not a stranger! Best wishes Hugs Lana Mae

[Bobbi46]

Lana Mae,
Thank you so much, indeed a relief to get it all out in the open, small community's can be rife for gossip but I think I have forestalled it nicely.

[Meghan4now]

Your arms always feel lighter when you put down the weight you've been carrying.

[Aunt Kelly]

In some ways it feels better to have things as they are now. At least my closest friends near to me have been told directly instead of hearing it from a third party and then wondering why I did not tell them first.

That is a key interpersonal dynamic that, as a group, we ignore too much. Our friends, family, anyone close to us has a reasonable expectation that they will be trusted with important truths. That is what friends do, trust and share. Yes, I am making sweeping generalizations and there are certainly valid examples where "I am TG" is just too much information, but I rather believe it's not so as often as we think.

[Dana44]

Bobbi, Very nice that your close friends are accepting . That will help you in the long run. It will change your life some and most likely for the better,. A great load lifted off of you.

[Amanda1963]

awesome story! amazing that they were all accepting! the only people that know of my crossdressing are my wife and one of my daughters and they are the only ones that I want to know. my family would definitely not accept it or me.

[Bobbi46]

Meghan
You are so right a huge weight has been lifted and med my life better.
Kelly
Very well put in posting my thread I was illustrating what could be done when the truth about one becomes public knowledge through no fault at all.
Dana
This all came about by the event which I posted about (getting busted again) that set the ball rolling big time it was certainly fortunate to have 3 couples all close friends to accept me as I am and to see me as no different than before.
Amanda
Yes it is amazing how things are turning out.
This story has not played out completely yet there is still more to tell especially my immediate next door ex pat neighbours. I am hoping to tell them today. The more ex pats I tell the better it will be also killing off misguided gossip on the way.

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I just had an email after thanking my friends yesterday for the kindness and understanding towards me and was rewarded by their reply "No problems at all we WILL see you soon". Just a few words make such a difference.

[GretchenM]

So happy for you. Truth and honesty is so liberating. As the old saying goes, "The truth shall set you free." Looks like it worked again. Congratulations, Bobbi.

[Bobbi46]

Thank you for your words, am I one of the fortunate ones or is that I find myself in a largely accepting community? to me seems almost unbelievable how things have turned out so far. We her so much about gender bashing and criticism in general times like mine seem almost unreal but truth to tell this is how things are playing out for me.
And the sag has not ended yet.

[Jean 103]

I know what u are saying . Coming out and living as a transgender person has been pretty much an non event for me. I have made so many new friends, and have found that my old friends don't care. The funny thing is how it all feels normal now.

[barbara gordon]

Coming out to friends and family on your own terms can be a big relief... deep dark secrets can break your own heart. I am gradually coming out to a whole set of friends and family this past two or 3 years ..on my terms .. its a good feeling and a heavy burden lifting .
--
This is after a forced outing by my ex wife to key family members and friends six years ago . That really sucked. Bright side -It forced me to take the reigns of my own emerging.

[Bobbi46]

A big relief is one way of putting it, I did indeed feel so much better for facing up to a situation and start telling others. After the first telling it got so much easier but also it gave me the strength to say outright, yes I dress. I still have a couple more to tell and then I will be completely out to my English community here.
On top of this it feels so much easier like this because my shopping will be made easier because if somebody I know sees me buying femme things whether I am dressed or not it will at least explain to them further why. Its also a burden lifted as well.
Jean,
Yes a good way of saying it, it does feel normal, just as dressing feels normal to me and always has and always will be.
Its a much better life to lead now its in the open.

[CONSUELO]

I am pleased for you Bobbi. Being out in the open and having good friends who know and understand is wonderful.

I have long thought that the worst aspect of being a cross dresser is going through life with this major secret. Keeping such an important part of yourself hidden form the world can be a terrible and corrosive burden and I wonder how it affects the mental health of all of us.

[Bobbi46]

Consuelo,
You make a very interesting point there, regarding the burden and stress on mental health, It never got to that stage with me all that happened was I steadily came to the point that I had to tell somebody and that was done to a very dear friend who kept my telling strictly to herself. It was recent events which created the catalyst for me being able to tell my closest friends here (in France) about me but as my threads have shown nothing could have worked out better for me. If everybody was able to tell, just think how different their lives would be, but the other side of the coin is that there still are and will be bigoted people who cannot and will not accept us just as we are.

[Bobbi46]

A couple of days ago I visited the last of my nearest friends to tell them all about myself. Nervous as I was I managed to get across the full picture, I got a hug in return when I left.

[RobertaFrancesca]

Thank you for sharing your story with us. I think if you live this way that eventually some friends will discover something or find out somehow. I have made a firm decision to not deny it if asked or found out. I have so many friends that dont know and I dont think they will or care in any way.
Also I am glad to no longer live near home where I live now. It has helped grant me tons of freedom to be me.