Trans envy?

[drEdge]

Hi all. I just watched Louis Ck's newest comedy special, and he said something that really spoke to me.

Here's the quote (removed the profanity):
"I envy transgender people, though. I do.
It's a tough road,
but I envy them on this level
that they figured out what's going on
with them, and they fixed it.
What an amazing gift,
to know what [] is wrong with you.
Who else gets to have that?
It's just a mushy,
I don't [] have any idea!"

Anyone else experience this? I just can't figure out my own sexuality!! At least if I were trans I feel I would have some inner peace.

But as it is, I have no peace with my inner girl. I constantly feel self loathing and shame But when dressing, I feel euphoric and when I am being my inner girl I feel truly at peace. However that all goes away when it's time to turn back. I feel like if it weren't for all the people in my life who would freak out, I'd probably just be trans, but I can't because I'm scared what they would do. Also gender reassignment is expensive and I am a poor person :P Another issue with being trans is that I'm pretty straight. I love girls so much! although I can also get really gay, especially when dressing. But I am straight most of the time. So yeah, I don't know what to think about myself.

[Tracii G]

Maybe you are a CD and not trans at all.
Just because you like wearing clothes of the other gender doesn't change your sexual preference.
90% of MtF CD's are straight men that are married and have kids.
Gender expression and sexual preference are very different things
Trans seems to be the "in" thing to be right now and I think a lot of young people say they are trans but only do it for attention.
The trans girl on you tube called Milo is one of those confused trannies who's sexuality changes from week to week.

[drEdge]

Hmmm interesting. Then why do I feel so miserable as a man and so elated as a woman? Is this normal for CDs?

[Tracii G]

Thats a common feeling among CD's because they carry so much guilt over their CDing.
They love dressing up but feel guilt/shame because they think it makes them gay or worry it will mean their sexuality is under attack.
Then comes loathing when they are back in male mode.
A vicious circle for some but if you accept yourself and not give in to the old homophobic nonsense you learned growing up you might find an answer.

[Krisi]

I agree with Tracii G, especially about trans being the "in" thing. I suspect some of these people are going to regret some of the things they have done at some point.

As for being miserable as a male and elated as a woman, you aren't really a woman so you can't know what it is like to be one. Being a woman is far more than boobs, makeup and heels. As for "normal for CDs", well, we are not "normal" or we wouldn't be strapping on boobs and wigs.

In life, we all have to learn to accept what we are. If you're having a problem with that, professional help may be what you need.

[Tracii G]

Krisi you make a solid point about being normal.

What I see so much with younger people is the incessant need for attention. Some go nuts and tear up stuff and end up in jail and never grow up all for attention.
Then you have the bunch that grab whatever the new cool thing is and claim that because they are dying for attention and really have no idea what they are doing.
If someone has to question if they are trans or not most likely they aren't because if you were you would know it beyond a shadow of a doubt, same goes for being gay if you are gay you deff know it.

[NancySue]

Agree with Tracii. Being "trans" is the new "in" thing and is pushed as part of the GLBT agenda, so they're all for promoting those who can't seem to decide....x or y. I,too, think attention is #1 along with hope for some government freebies. I'm sure there are some truly confused people...transvestite, transgender or transsexual ?? Whatever. The armed forces are strongly considering enlisting transgenders. I proudly served in the U S Navy. Word of advice, one with indecision better know, for sure, before signing the dotted line. There's no turning back. They gotcha.

[Tracii G]

I hope I didn't make DrEdge mad by being totally honest. Its just the way I am and I usually piss the young ones off.
It does seem young adults think they have it all figured out and get mad at the messenger that tells them life haven't even started messing with them.

[Bobbi46]

Tracii, Nancy Sue,
valid points indeed, is it also a degree of maturity that needs to be in place also to see in what direction one is going?

[Dana44]

Yeah, try to be gender fluid. The switch is hard on us and when switch for a while we want to stay that way. But noooo. it switches back. We feel good both ways though. Sometimes the switch is hard.

[Tracii G]

Dana for some the switching is hard. They don't understand a lot of it depends on the mood they are in.
They don't realize you don't have to be one or the other and you can be both again depending on what mood they are in that day.

[jack-ie]

I couldn't agree more. I have days when I (almost) feel like the old "macho" Jack. Other when I'm just jackie. In truth, the old "macho" me was more a façade and jackie is much more liberating and natural.

[Ressie]

I thought CD is under the TG umbrella.

http://www.focusonthefamily.com/soci...ender-umbrella

No wonder some people use the phrase "gender confused".

[Teresa]

DrEdge,
The quote does ring true .
Finding yourself no matter where you feel you are on the TG road is an amazing thing, to some we will never be fixed but that doesn't matter if we feel no shame and guilt and are totally comfortable with being dressed.

Most of us are straight but again does that really matter, if you don't have a problem with your sexuality why worry what others think. No matter how I dress I still prefer the girls .

At least I get to go out socially now and enjoy being dressed as Teresa , most of the public I've met don't have a problem with that.

[Rachael Leigh]

I'm gender fluid as well I've began to manage my not wanting to switch or the back en forth by incorporating my fem side
into my male side. I will wear makeup in male mode more often and of course underdressing

[Lana Mae]

First you need to get rid of the self loathing and shame! A professional may be what you need! You have to make peace with yourself before you worry about what others will think! IMHO Hugs Lana Mae

[RobertaFrancesca]

I like that you said you find peace in this and that you also find a euphoria because I feel the same way too. there really is nothing like it and I cannot believe how well this satisfies sexual and creative energy for me.

I spent a lot of my life in a small town and never had the courage to come out. I think it would have had to many negatives to deal with. Having moved far from home has been an amplification of the great peace and joy I feel while being dressed. As I practice my femme everyday I hope to become even more confident, be out and live that way whenever I choose, and to maybe be an example to others one day that it is ok.

Thanks for sharing hon.

[Ariana225]

I love having a male and female side! You get to experience both sides of everything. Another thing about being transgender full time is also the way women in society are treated. As a feminist I am not blind to the predjudice that trans and GG experience daily. You may miss some of your male experiences going full time. I recommend a qualified gender counselor if you feel you need to. There is no shame in that love! ❤️

[natalie edwards]

but as it is, i have no peace with my inner girl. I constantly feel self loathing and shame but when dressing, i feel euphoric and when i am being my inner girl i feel truly at peace. However that all goes away when it's time to turn back.

exactly!

[docrobbysherry]

Then again, some of us CD's don't have a "female inner side". We simply enjoy dressing up!

[Tracii G]

Sherry thats where a lot of CD's get confused, they have heard others talk about it and assume because they like to dress they have have a female side too when that may not be the case.

[Aunt Kelly]

drEdge,

First of all, let's be clear. You are not going to get professional help on this forum, and that is what you should seek if the things you've described are really bothering you, and it sounds like they are.
You list some classic signs and symptoms of being transsexual, but you also list some that would rule out that diagnosis. It may be that "gender fluid" is a better term for you. Whatever label turns out to be the right one, labels won't fix you. That's on you. You will need to find a way to resolve the conflict between your fear of "freaking out" all those people in your life and the transgender feelings that are probably going to be a permanent part of you. Yes, you might successfully suppress them for a long time. Many of us have at one time or another, and most of those have found that it is a pointless fight. The feelings will come back, usually stronger and often at a markedly inopportune time, well into a long term relationship, for example.
There is nothing "wrong" with you. The professional help recommendation isn't because you need "fixing". It is because you need to find a way to find out who you are and accept it. And by the way, sexual preference usually has very little to do with gender identity. I am acquainted with three trans women. Two of them are not attracted to men. Most cross dressers, by far, are heterosexuals. And of course there are many who, like you, have sexual preferences that shift with their gender identity.
So give some thought to counseling and let someone help you figure out for yourself "what to think about" yourself.

Meanwhile, you are welcome, accepted and understood here. Your story is common and you will find many of us who can relate directly to the issues you're having.

Hugs,


Kelly

[Lorileah]

Anyone else experience this? I just can't figure out my own sexuality!! At least if I were trans I feel I would have some inner peace.

I wouldn't bet on it

[Ariana225]

Sherry thats where a lot of CD's get confused, they have heard others talk about it and assume because they like to dress they have have a female side too when that may not be the case.

I know I have that side and I embrace it. I cry over emotional videos, love chick flicks, etc. I envy women and am 100% feminist. I love being masculine and feminine. I am a romantic, love to cuddle, love bubble baths, etc. I don't know what qualifys as having a female side since every woman is different. But I guess the society driven label is a part of me. But not everything is black and white obviously! ☺️

[Tracii G]

Roberta how can you be a feminist when you were not born a woman?