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Thread: Am I in the right place?

  1. #1
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    Am I in the right place?

    Hi! Ok so this is my 4th attempt at sharing something about myself and the other three have gone on and on. I want to keep this short and to the point. I've been a member in CD.COM for 10+ years and just recently visited this forum for the first time and have been doing a lot of reading. I'm in my late 50's and just recently discovered through working with a wonderful therapist (three months and counting) that I have gender dysphoria and have since I was very young. I have spent most of my life denying and supressing my true feelings. My therapist thinks we need to take our time so I can figure out where this is going and I agree with her. I'm married 24 years with two teenagers and my marriage is extremely important to me. My wife has known I crossdress since before we married but has never been cool with it. I recently came off a 6+ year hiatus and that has her kind of freaked out. So, if I could live life anyway I wanted to it would be fully presenting as a woman, taking hormones, possibly FFS, completely identifying as a woman in every way.....except I have never desired to have SRS and don't feel that's something I would want. Where I go from here is continuing therapy, figuring out exactly where this is going to lead, and continuing to try and be a good husband and dad to my family. Part of me yearns to go for it while part wants to see if I can live more of a dual life. I'm just not sure. So, am I in the right place?

  2. #2
    Member Mirya's Avatar
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    The description for this forum is as follows:

    This section is for all members to post in, however, topics are restricted to Transsexual specific items and for Transsexuals to share their experiences.
    You are welcome to post here as long as the topics are related to transsexual specific items. As a reminder, the definition of a transsexual in these forums is "an individual who is changing their assigned birth gender permanently to that of the opposite."

    What does 'permanently' mean in this context? Well, you tell me...

  3. #3
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    Salina, so much of what you describe mimics my experience as well. For 39 years I lived in denial. "I have a cross dressing fetish" is what I told myself and my wife. Through therapy I've come to realize that deep down I knew there was something more. It took 11 visits with my therapist before I finally admitted that I was transsexual and needed to transition. I know it's 11 because my therapist put it in the HRT letter that she had waiting for me at my next visit Now only you can ultimately determine if transition is what you need, but I think you're in the right place to start discovering information about the process, finding people with similar feelings and hopefully getting some helpful advice. Give it time, work with your therapist and see where it goes. You'll learn to be more honest with yourself than you've ever been and that'll help you figure out what the right course is for you.

  4. #4
    Female Illusionist! docrobbysherry's Avatar
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    Salina, after a post like that, is your only question really, "Am I in the rite place?
    U can't keep doing the same things over and over and expect to enjoy life to the max. When u try new things, even if they r out of your comfort zone, u may experience new excitement and growth that u never expected.

    Challenge yourself and pursue your passions! When your life clock runs out, you'll have few or NO REGRETS!

  5. #5
    Aspiring Member grace7777's Avatar
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    Definitely, you are in the right place, since you are exploring your gender identity and looking at ways to deal with it. I wish you the best of luck in the future.

    Take Care,
    Grace

  6. #6
    Gold Member Kaitlyn Michele's Avatar
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    wrong question..
    it doesnt matter where you find answers...here is good a place as any...its up to you though to sort through stuff

    here's the mistake people make
    they dont get the answer they want...they dont get validation .... and look out!!!

    the right questions are already being asked by you... stick with therapy and openly share feelings...dont judge yourself or any of the answers..listen to others experience


    you are far away from considering seriously the issues you've raised... if you are in control of your thoughts and function well, then you are ahead of the game and you have to think things through and go slow (or dont go at all)..

    i repressed my own thoughts (which were 24/7 non stop buzz buzz shut up!!! type)...i over worked over ate over partied over "normaled" ... but i dressed or thought about dressing at ALL times... i lived between those times of dressing...
    I was not consciously aware of how little i cared about anything except my gender but i looked at it as a fetish... im a freak...out of control compulsive... etc... it was like i had somehow ignored everything i knew to survive for 45 yrs... i love my ex...i love my kids...i made big $$... i gave it all up... I HAD TOO...

    it was like i was forced to accept my gender dysphoria...and what it did to me... i transitioned... so many things about it sucked...so many things...its hard for me to even think about it... but i look back and i cant imagine it any other way..
    how i am now feels like i was always this way... not once have i thought about going back...that thought doesnt even make sense to me...being in the right gender does that...

    the problem is its super hard to imagine feeling that way in advance... you cant know what its like...its wonderful and transcendant....but it was brutal to get there... $$, physical pain and suffering, emotional wreckage...

    hope that helps
    I am real

  7. #7
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    You're in the right place, and currently have more questions than answers - but you know something isn't right, and needs to change.
    It took you decades to get here, you're not going to have the answers to sort everything out by next Tuesday.

  8. #8
    Member Mirya's Avatar
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    Salina,

    On June 9, you wrote in this post:

    Quote Originally Posted by Salina View Post
    I have no desire whatsoever to transition and love women (My wife specifically) and sex with her so it's a resounding 10 for me!
    One month later, you wrote in the first post in this thread:

    Quote Originally Posted by Salina View Post
    So, if I could live life anyway I wanted to it would be fully presenting as a woman, taking hormones, possibly FFS, completely identifying as a woman in every way.....except I have never desired to have SRS and don't feel that's something I would want.
    What happened in the last month that has so dramatically changed your desire to transition?

  9. #9
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    Kaitlyn - terrific answer.

    "If I could live my life any way I wanted ..."

    You might want to think about that comment. It's loaded.
    Lea

  10. #10
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    I have never seen gender dysphoria addressed more eloquently or succinctly than posted in Kaitlyn's previous post. TY

  11. #11
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    Thank you everyone for your responses! I greatly appreciate them!

    Docrobbsherry, I have many questions which so far have been asked in my therapy sessions. I'm sure more will be asked here. I love the eye roll emoji!!

    Kaitlyn, thanks for your reply and description of GD and how it affected you. I'm not looking for validation or a certain answer, I'm in the long process of trying to figure all this out and which path I'm going to take.

    Alyssa, thanks for your advice and I have read about your journey with great interest. I wish you peace, happiness, and fulfillment as you continue it.

    Mirya, great question and thanks for asking it! What happened since June 9th is 4 very intense and emotional therapy sessions. My therapist asked some questions that forced me to dig deep and be brutally honest with myself. She helped me get past the denial and see myself for who I am. Things are so different with me since then.

    Lea, Rachel, Grace, Jentay, thank you for your comments!

  12. #12
    Emerging Diva Nikki A.'s Avatar
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    Salina anywhere you can find some clarity or a place to vent is the right place.
    Like you I always considered myself as a CD who was a good parent and husband. Now, I'm widowed, the kids are on their own and doing well and I've had more time to figure out where I am heading and what I want out of the rest of my life. I guess I'm at a cross road, I do like my male side, but if I were to wake up one morning and suddenly be a female I could and would be happy too. I know I want to spend more and more time as Nikki and am not a bit uncomfortable (maybe prefer it) in almost all situations.

  13. #13
    Silver Member AmandaM's Avatar
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    It looks like I'm in the right place too. I'll just follow along.

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