...including a lack of self-esteem, the need to control everything (and everyone) within their environment, as well as underlying anxiety issues that cause all of these - the result often being an over-reaction in response to even the slightest perceived provocation?

I ask this because I have come to the (belated) conclusion that in my case at least, it is less about the crossdressing itself that has resulted in the DADT impasse that my wife and I have found ourselves in over the years, but more about her underlying insecurities and anxieties that she refuses to admit she has.

Case in point - yesterday, I told my wife that I was expecting delivery that day of an on-line order from a department store that I have bought a significant amount of my female wardrobe from over the years, but usually in one of their actual retail stores. I didn't want to knowingly stir up any DADT dust in doing so, but I was also caught between a rock and a hard place here as this retailer only ships to home addresses and not to their bricks-and-mortar retail locations, nor even virtual addresses such as a P.O. box or a specified pick-up location such as a UPS depot or a postal sub-station. My wife and I are both retired, she is home much of the time, and while I knew from the shipper's tracking information what day the delivery was going to take place, I didn't know at what time of day that would be, and odds were, she was going to be around then to answer the door.

So, in the interests of transparency and honesty (an on-going theme/mantra on this forum...wives and SO's are allegedly bothered more by the lies and deception as opposed the crossdressing itself), I told my wife upfront that said delivery was pending that day so as to avoid her potentially being blindsided by my order's arrival. Well, the excrement hit the proverbial ventilator anyway, and she immediately went ape-sh*t on my sorry @ss. It was the usual litany..."You spend far more time on "Leslie" than you do on me (wrong!)", "Funny how we have money for that, and not for (insert any random item here...but also WRONG!)", "I just spent $XX on a dress for an upcoming wedding, and you spent $YY (higher number) on a dress that is going to sit in your stash most of the time?" (nobody told her how much she could spend on her dress; totally her own free will...I wasn't even there when she bought it, and our finances could easily have managed a higher outlay had she so desired).

You get the picture...a totally irrational and emotional rant accompanied by a list of unsubstantiated accusations. But I've also come to the point where I just let this type of storm rage over me until it peters out on its own, having learned the hard way that no matter what rebuttal I might offer, it is just met by a sarcastic counterpoint along with additional vitriol, and I just don't bother defending myself anymore. In a perfect world, we should be able to have a civilized discussion over such matters where both opposing positions might be discussed and respected - even if we only end up agreeing to disagree - but instead, these discussions invariably degenerate into this type of pointless verbal sparring where the only objective is to assign blame, eviscerate the other party, and grind them into the dirt to secure an unconditional surrender.

To my point then...while no formal medical diagnosis as to the root cause of my wife's behavior in this regard has ever been made (not going to happen, ever - in her mind, she is both blameless and "perfect"), she is clearly has major anxiety issues, resulting in her being a very controlling, self-centered (and to some degree, manipulative) individual who loves to wrap herself in the mantle of victimhood when she feels hard done by and doesn't immediately get her way. Consequently, I am beginning to give less and less of a rat's @ss as to her feelings about my crossdressing and am starting to chart a more independent path.

More importantly, I am beginning to realize that our version of DADT is less about the crossdressing itself, and more about my wife's need to be in full control at all times. Add to that what is likely a measure of insecurity about her self-image, her innate femininity, and overall appeal to the opposite sex, and a heady combination results. Not the best scenario when one throws a partner's crossdressing into the mix, but it is what it is...and proving yet again that life is unfair.

Can any others here relate to what I am saying from their own personal experiences?