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Thread: DADT delema

  1. #26
    Gold Member Alice B's Avatar
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    My relationship with my wife started at acceptance, with out any participation. A step above the minimum. IT has now (over 12 years) gone to my being able ti dress at home when I have the urge, go out dressed and some light kidding and conversation about dressing. We can comment on outfits we see in adds and on TV and side comments on items that she said might look good on me. But, she still prefers to not see me dressed to any extended time. All in all a pretty good relationship. As I have said before, it is all based upon honest conversation and a strong marriage.

  2. #27
    Silver Member Micki_Finn's Avatar
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    Aug 2016
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    I don't know that there's really a lot of advice to give here. Your wife has set a hard limit with regards to your dressing and isn't budging. All you can do is continue to diligently follow "the rules" and build up the trust. Maybe eventually she will open up, but you can't force it.

  3. #28
    Super Moderator char GG's Avatar
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    CDtraveler,
    It seems like you have done everything that was expected after you came out to your SO. I guess I am wondering what there is to talk about? She knows that you dress, most likely - when you dress, you have adhered to the boundaries, she loves you, neither of you want to expose your young children to this side of you AND you've been to counseling. You are the man for her when she needs you. So what is the problem? Do you want to go further? What do you want to share with her? She apparently did not know when she met you about your dressing so not talking about it may be her way of coping with something that was sprung on her after you were already in a relationship. Maybe by not talking about it, makes it seem like "the old days" prior to knowing about something about you that she would not have chose.

    Since I don't know either of you, this is just speculation. I wish the best for both of you.

  4. #29
    Aspiring Member ChristinaK's Avatar
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    Jan 2014
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    Hi Traveler,

    I too feel your pain. I have found that the more I talk about it, the more she pushes back. Tread lightly. You're in a DADT relationship. That means no talking. It is painful to keep quiet about such an important part of you and, like me, it would help your feelings toward your wife and draw you closer to her. But, for her, it would cause pain, anguish and push her away.

    Just 2 days ago, I too brought up the ugly CD issue. Bad idea. It just caused her anguish and I too as she is so passionate about her hatred toward Christina.

    So, for many of us, it's a lonely part of us and we have to focus on our SOs feelings and not ours if we want peace a d harmony in our relationships. I'm not one to talk as I've talked way too much sometimes.

    Teresa, I'm so sorry it didn't work out for you. But, you are correct in that if we feel the need to take it farther than our wives can tolerate, we must take care of ourselves first and not sacrifice our well being to remain in a relationship that only brings bad feelings. Sounds like you're doing okay with it and I hope the best for you.

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