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Thread: Moving forward and don't realize it.

  1. #1
    Silver Member Maria 60's Avatar
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    Moving forward and don't realize it.

    Took a morning drive and when I got home I had a coffee with my wife and she asked me if I enjoyed myself, and how much relaxed and happier I look after a drive. I have been trying to cut it down because its a very high risk. We talked about how it excelled through out the years and because she doesn't come with me she asked me how I felt it excelled for me and how much I have advanced. I pointed it out to her and this is what I said
    : started dressing from waist down, pantyhose, skirt or slip
    : fully dressed every Halloween for the last 10 years
    : twice a year fully dressed only at night
    :took a chance and gassed up car only at night at a quite gas station
    :few times a year daylight
    :twice a month daylight and night
    :started gassing car in daylight
    nce a week daylight
    :twice a week daylight and gassing up car on every occasion
    :three times a week and desided to slow it down.
    : this week out on Thursday and again this morning and both times putting gas in car.

    I told her I'm scared out of my mind where it's going from here, we can see the sequence that I'm taking more and more chances and the scary part is I'm starting to feel comfortable dressed and don't feel like everyone is staring at me. I told her I tried to stop during the summer but I can't, I'm addicted and I have a feeling with the bigger and bigger chances I'm taking its just a matter of time till I get seen and then I will stop.
    Wow looking back I didn't realize how far I have come, I know it's not much compared to some others here but I call myself a closet dresser but I can't remember the last time I dressed in the house (boring). Talking to my wife I realized I have been taking steps forward and didn't even know it, anybody else here ever take a look back and realize now that you are farther from the closet then you thought, or want to share a sequence that developed through out the years.

  2. #2
    dress to feel the energy Shely's Avatar
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    i think i am on the same path and it has me wondering if i should try to give it up. I have been out just a couple of times, but am already thinking of how i will do more. i know there is a lot of talk of the impossibility of quitting and i am not sure that is true. people quit bad habits all the time so if a person really want's to quit i think they can. seems a little self serving to say it is impossible. It is impossible if you don't want to that's for sure, and i am not sure i want to quit either. I am not a sociologist or anything like that so i will leave it up to you if you think it's impossible, or not. But i think this is a really pertinent item for discussion. I am sure, if there are those who have quit, they will probably not be here posting of their success. Lets hear from others!
    https://www.flickr.com/photos/lovethatdress/

  3. #3
    Senior Member phili's Avatar
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    The addictive feeling is the rush of pleasure because you are experiencing what you desire, and it does feel so good we want more and more. It is habit forming, but I've come to the conclusion that the reason is that we really are split and need to heal, and crossdressing is a way to move that healing forward.

    Ask your wife to go with you on your next drive. She seems genuinely interested in you, loves you, and can help you track your feelings, not just your frequency. That will be a wonderful mirror to help you see yourself.
    We are all beautiful...!

  4. #4
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    Maria,
    You are still taking stepping stones but not quiet getting there, Phili might be party right but it won't go away until you've finally proved to yourself that you can do it all. Maybe it helps if you read my having tea thread, I've built up to that from the steps you are taking , and it does feel good. The question is will your wife be happy with that situation, she know you are playing safe at the moment because your car is your escape but once away from that the situation may change for her although that is the step you will inevitably take as most of us do .

  5. #5
    I accept myself as is Gillian Gigs's Avatar
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    Do you have personal boundaries? Have you crossed your own boundaries?

    My wife and I had a discussion the other day, she said that since retiring my dressing has increased. It has, and I think it, this is because time constraints have been removed. I hold myself to my own boundaries, the only difference is that now I can dress without time restrictions within the boundaries that I have set for myself.

    Dressing has a strong desiring pull in my life, the secret for me is to stop before I have had just enough, or too much, and leave me the desire for next time.
    I like myself, regardless of the packaging that I may come in! It's what is on the inside of the package that counts!

  6. #6
    Transgender Person Pat's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Maria 60 View Post
    I told her I tried to stop during the summer but I can't, I'm addicted and I have a feeling with the bigger and bigger chances I'm taking its just a matter of time till I get seen and then I will stop.
    Maybe you should question this addiction model. Instead, let's say you keep returning to that behavior. And you return to the behavior because it makes you happy in some way. And, surprise, you enjoy being happy so you do it more. Somebody (Zooey?) used to have a signature line that said something to the effect of "Coming out is like getting a breath of air and suddenly realizing you've been drowning all this time." To merge metaphors, perhaps you're becoming addicted to breathing -- which is good because you're not a creature that lives underwater, you're a creature that's supposed to breath air. That's part of why it feels good when you do -- it's not addiction at all.

    What it does sound like is a deep feeling that you're doing something wrong. So you cast it in negative terms and you look for retribution to be visited upon you -- you get "seen" and something horrible happens. (I mean, you've been being seen for quite a while now, right?) Some of us would call it "internalized transphobia." You think you're doing wrong and eventually punishment will happen. What if you accept this as part of yourself? Something you're supposed to do. Something that makes you a better person (as your wife seems to think) whereas suppressing it makes you worse. Just a thought.
    I am not a woman; I don't want to be a woman; I don't want to be mistaken for a woman.
    I am not a man; I don't want to be a man; I don't want to be mistaken for a man.
    I am a transgender person. And I'm still figuring out what that means.

  7. #7
    Gold Member Dana44's Avatar
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    I agree that is not addition. I would say you enjoy it. I wold keep doing it and take less chances. Would your wife go to a movies with you or out to dinner? That would be safer way and I think you would enjoy that more.
    Part Time Girl

  8. #8
    Emerging Diva Nikki A.'s Avatar
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    I can only speak for myself and my own experiences. After my wife passed away and the kids were off to college all the restrictions were relaxed although I did keep my going out to a minimum. Now I am out and about on a weekly basis in the "normal" world, grocery shopping, going to church etc I see no reason to turn back the clock. I feel comfortable, if seen (and recognized) so be it

  9. #9
    Silver Member Aunt Kelly's Avatar
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    I think Pat has zeroed in on the real issue. It's not an addiction, Maria. The term "addiction" implies something that you would be better off the less you have of it. While we might argue the case that there are consequences to being transgender, those are external and not our fault. I urge you to seek counseling from someone who specializes in the field. I am certain that you, and your SO, will benefit from the insight and education that it will provide.
    There is nothing "wrong" with you, but you should get some help determining who you is.

    Hugs,


    Kelly

  10. #10
    Gold Member Lana Mae's Avatar
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    It is not an addiction! From what little I understand, it is how our brains are wired or a hormone imbalance early in life or DNA or... Nothing even similar to addiction! Panties are now underclothes for me(although I do not wear them to work due to stooping and bending over too much!) You must evaluate how far and how fast(with the wife's input)! You are "pushing" the envelope and "taking chances" but you must be alright with it and your wife seems to be OK with it! It is much like your car, you control the accelerator and the brakes and decide when and how much they need to be pushed! Going out is normal for some here and some are even 24/7! What do you want? Just some thoughts! Hugs Lana Mae
    Life is worth living!
    "Foxy lady! You look so good!!" Jimi Hendrix

  11. #11
    Junior Member
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    I actually do just the opposite, I don't ever dress at home because (a) I recently got divorced after 10 years of marriage and though I think my wife suspected something she had the attitude that it wasn't right and CDs, Trans, etc.... must be sick in their heads to do what we do, so I was afraid to tell her for fear of ruining our marriage ( I know now that is a moot point) and (b) I now share a house with 3 other men and I don't think they would be too accepting of Stephanie. I however have no problems going out fully dressed to a mall or restaurant as Stephanie and letting people see me, I am just careful to be aware of who is around me so that I don't run into someone I know.

  12. #12
    Member leannejacobs's Avatar
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    I'm a frequent dresser with a wife that knows and accepts, however I am still lying to her as I do go out when out of town, nothing major, just walks into shopping centres etc. It is very addictive and as stated once you start you want more, unfortunately I live in a small narrow minded town where a CDer would be the talk of the town, however, being a Saturday night last night and being the local carnival day/night where people dress up, I tool a short stroll last night round my block, not the best outing but an outing all the same.
    I'm currently sitting in my enclosed private back garden, fully dressed, strappy top to get some sun, no make up though, just my usual morning fix.
    The outings would be an issue for my wife as her biggest fear is progression, she knows I've ventured out a couple of times out of town but she wasn't too happy as there are a lot of people from our town both visit and live there, I think she worries too much, as I've seen on other posts, when your made up en femme, very few people would ever connect the dots and recognise you.

  13. #13
    Gold Member Helen_Highwater's Avatar
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    Maria,

    Apologies if I've got this wrong but as I recall at the heart of the issue here is being discovered by family, friends and neighbours.

    Simple answer, go further afield away from where people know you. Filling the car with fuel feels risky. You're in view of anyone else around but having done it umpteen times myself always away from home I can say as I'm not ever likely to see the people again, who cares? Also it's been said many times, we amplify the risk in our heads but the more we do something the more we realise the risk isn't as anywhere near as great as we first imagined. Hence our comfort and confidence level goes up and the butterflies lessen.

    So as time goes by we push the envelope. It's a bit like learning to drive. The first few times behind the wheel and we're nervous as hell. Practice and experience bring the nerves under control until it gets to be second nature.
    Who dares wears Get in, get out without being noticed

  14. #14
    Silver Member CynthiaD's Avatar
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    I've been through the same thing, but these days I go wherever I want dressed, and usually don't give it a second thought.

  15. #15
    Senior Member TheHiddenMe's Avatar
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    Last October I was afraid to tell a SA at Nordstrom I was a CD and wanted to come in and try on some dresses.

    Fast forward nine months and I've been out four days of the last nine, text pictures of myself dressed to three SAs I've met these last nine months, and today walked around downtown Chicago dressed, trying on clothes at five different places, eating lunch out, and taking the bus twice. Not a single issue. A couple even asked me if I could take a picture of them.

    I haven't just moved forward; I've stomped on the gas pedal and floored it.

    And because I took the initial step, I've got three supporters to give me advice and support.

  16. #16
    Silver Member Becky Blue's Avatar
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    I agree with most of the posters above its not an addiction in my opinion. I think you are basically on the slippery slope where after some time each thing we do is no longer enough. Why does this happen to some of us? Wish I knew!!
    A.K.A Rebecca & Bec

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