That moment when you realize there is no going back to the way it was....

[Miss Mandy]

Good evening,

I had a moment today where I took an account of my life over the last 12 months. You may remember that I started hrt almost exactly a year ago. The changes to my mind have been profound! I now feel emotion for the first time in a very long time. My ego has diminished. My attitude about life in general has improved beyond all expectations. I am very comfortable with the person I have become and in light of this, my relationship with my wife and others has also improved. The discomfort of living has diminished...

I realized today that I can never go back to how it was before. Although my physical changes have been modest compared with the psychological, I wake up each and every day happier with what I see in the mirror. I don't miss anything and what remains has been not been obliterated but rather transformed for the better...

In my thinking, this is confirmation of the correctness of my path...

With love,

Mandy

[MssHyde]

When I first started taking hormones i was happy, excited and thrilled. After a few weeks i felt like I lost all desire to be a woman but yet i liked the changes
ANOTHER 6 months after that i want to be a woman again the desire is there,,, still on t blocker in estrogen. Id be a lesbian but i do find myself looking at feminine guys
I dont think its changed me that much but maybe others see me as acting more feminine i don't know, i do know im more vocal about my feelings.
I craved estrogen to change my thinking, i dont know why but i did.. i find myself eager to wear a mini skirt most of the time at home even knowing the neighbors may see me wearing it outside the house, it's like its me.. id. Love to be younger more feminine in every way.. its hard to love yourself where your at. I think the hormones helped that.

My hormones are at female levels t levels as a woman too, some how that gives me a inner glow.. best wishes to you.

[Jenna Stunned]

Happy to hear that from both of you girls. Sounds like transition has definitely been the right choice for you both. I am so jealous and can't wait to join in on your experience with hrt. I had decided on transition before really looking into the effects of hrt, Which of course the physical changes really got my attention, But at this point I am most excited about the emotional changes that will hopefully come. I can fake a lot of the physical stuff, But to be emotionally connected and experience life as a real woman does, Is so exciting, I just cant wait. When I was a child and teenager I was always much more emotional than a normal boy was, And over time learned to suppress that aspect of me as it didn't fit the life I had to live. I really hope hrt helps me get that back, At least a little. I want to feel like a real woman does, I want to feel whole.

Thank you for sharing your experience, I always love to read about others and how their lives have changed due to hrt. Cheers to never going back and only moving forward!

[Heidi Stevens]

I am loving how all of you are expressing the joy of passing beyond a barrier that has been put in our way. Before I went in HRT 2 1/2 years ago, I had been stuck with Lyme's disease in 2008. For five years I was under the influence of a disease that keeps your brain in a fog and everything you do is a struggle. After five years we found the right antibiotic to remove the invader. Not knowing this was the medicine I needed, it took 70 days to really kick in. Then one morning I woke up and noticed my brain was clear, my vision and hearing were sharp and clear. My joints did not hurt. I had broken through a barrier.
Does this sound familiar to those who are on HRT and what happened after you started? When I began the treatment with HRT in 2015, I found the same euphoria I experienced when the Lymes left me! The joy of the mental anguish going away and the softening skin were the same high. I feel much more happy and energetic since and I know for sure that this girl is not going back.

[AlyssaJ]

This is a realization I've been working on coming to terms with as I approach my full-time date on November 1. There is a definite need to let go of that life that I knew for 39 years. There will be no going back, going full-time will be a very final act, and so I have to accept and embrace that.

That said, I don't feel regrets or doubts about it. I feel like this is the dawning of a whole new life for me and I am very excited for that. Releasing my old life to the past and moving forward is a super positive step for me and I'm very much looking forward to it. I'll commemorate the past, I'll never have a problem acknowledging it, but I will happily make it just the past

[Sara Olivia]

Mandy, very well said. I'm almost at the exact spot in transition as you (almost 14 month HRT for me now) and could not have said how I feel better than you have. Its so true about not being able to go back to how it was before. I really like how you have expressed feeling emotions again. Personally ,for me, I would add not only being able to feel emotions again but for the first time being able to actually express them without feeling shame. Like, for example, watching a sad movie and being moved to tears. Something I used to be ashamed of. Being free to just be myself and to be happy has also made me a much better spouse to my wife and a much better and more engaging dad with my kids.
You talk about the moment you realized that there was no going back for you - ever. I also recall that moment vividly but even more clearly do I recall that point in my life when I realized that despite all the reasons why I shouldn't do it, I knew in my heart that for me the only way forward in life was to transition to living life being true to myself. Undoubtedly the most life altering moment in my life so far.
I used to hate seeing my image in a mirror. Always avoided being in photos. Now, like you, every day I wake up to find the image I see in the mirror slightly altered and it makes me so happy. Though the changes are slow, sometimes they feel glacially slow, they are becoming noticable and I find myself excited about life again. And while there are still days when I'm in doubt about the correctness of my path, usually precipitated by things I read in newspapers or see on the news, I could no longer imagine not being on this path. Colors seem brighter, voices more cheerful, and after what seems like an eternity I find myself feeling happy again. Thank you for your great post.

[Jeri Ann]

Good evening,

I had a moment today where I took an account of my life over the last 12 months. You may remember that I started hrt almost exactly a year ago. The changes to my mind have been profound! I now feel emotion for the first time in a very long time. My ego has diminished. My attitude about life in general has improved beyond all expectations. I am very comfortable with the person I have become and in light of this, my relationship with my wife and others has also improved. The discomfort of living has diminished...

I realized today that I can never go back to how it was before. Although my physical changes have been modest compared with the psychological, I wake up each and every day happier with what I see in the mirror. I don't miss anything and what remains has been not been obliterated but rather transformed for the better...

In my thinking, this is confirmation of the correctness of my path...

With love,

Mandy

The profound changes to the mind that you mention are because Estrogen affects brain function, it affects the way the brain processes everything. I have been on HRT for 15 years with a few periodic breaks. The last 25 months I have been doing weekly injections.

After extended use of Estrogen with T blockers, there actually can't be any turning back. Your body needs a primary sex hormone to maintain health. When testosterone has been blocked for an extended time, the testosterone producing mechanism has been effectively damaged. When that happens hormones have to be administered. I suppose you could stop the E and switch to T, like a transman would but that seems absurd.

There is another realization that comes with transition. It occurs when you reach the point where you know you must and are doing the right thing. There is a peace, a confirmation, an assurance that this is why you were created, this is your purpose for existing.

Jeri