Not Going Away. She can't.

[Aunt Kelly]

It is in the Lord's hands, and She has never failed me yet.

I knew there was a reason I like you, Ilene.

I am so glad to hear that things have taken a better turn. You truly did have us worried.

Keep in mind that the hurt being experienced by others is nothing more than an artifact of your transgender awakening. It is not something you've chosen. It is not your fault, and it is unfair for anyone, yourself included to make you feel as if it is. I could go on about how the condition is invisible to others and it's the treatment that is the choice, but you know all that. It is important that your wife not just understand that, but internalize it. Skilled intervention will help. Please get some. It will provide more than just education, it can provide perspective that is not yours and not hers. And coping skills. The pro's have been at this for a long time, and have figured out what works. Does it always work? Sadly, no, but it will be your best shot at keeping your 40 year marriage together.

You will be in my prayers.

Hugs,


Kelly

[IleneD]

Kelly;

First, thanks for reaching out. Your PM was cathartic and helpful in putting a lot of this incident and my situation into perspective.

WE are not out of the woods. The fundamentals and foundation has always been good in our relationship, and that's probably the only thing saving us both. Even though there's been a lot of hurt to go around, we've decided to step back a bit, take a breath and remember rediscover each other. This will take time. But at the very least, the car was stopped before plummeting over the precipice.
As for me......I'm taking at least a month "off", and seriously consider where I can or intend to go with my dysphoria. I hate that. It still smacks of a mental disease (dysphoria), and I am NOT mentally disordered.
AND.... I will continue to reach out to Sisters like you. I was personally overwhelmed by the PM, personal interest and show of support here. You and many others on this page have once again proven the value and utility of this website. Certainly, I'm not the first one you rescued from the edge.
Peace. I love you all.

[CarlaWestin]

Ilene, I believe that for many of us the feminine experience is more enriching and enlightening than anything we've ever experienced. As my retirement approaches I can't imagine spending it doing just the usual male pursuits as only my male self. I truly need to experience life as Carla also because that is a big part of who I am. She is me and also a person that I need to have in my life. I'm two or so years past the great reveal but I don't really give it any celebrity. My wife has gone through all the name calling and when she's pissed she refers to the proclivity as play baby stuff. For a week I did what Tracii suggested and played the male asshole routine complete with chauvinistic comments about her appearance. She swore that it was the alcohol doing it but, I had already quit drinking.

Unfortunately, you're going through an awful rough spot on this journey. Joint counseling would level the playing field quite a lot. I went with her to her counseling session one time. She's never mentioned it since and I think it's because a lot of truth that she didn't like came out.

I wish you all the best.

[IleneD]

...for many of us the feminine experience is more enriching and enlightening than anything we've ever experienced.

Funny you should say this, Carla.
One thing I brought up during the talks was that my crossdressing was an ENHANCEMENT; an ADDITION to me and my persona. It doesn't subtract anything from me, my talents, values, abilities, etc. IMO, this strange but beautiful aspect of me deepens my human experience; not to mention that it is personally liberating to not have to conceal the inner life I have.
Thanks, Carla. Wonderful.

[suit]

the rule books were written to sell to insurance co.s claimable events for maximum profitability of the phi cic o taroristicas (bugs bunny ceria 1968)
once you clear all the labels and get back to what you care about....ooh look a pebble ripple in the pond of life..( you don't want to eat the neighbors kids, you just like to ....)

[greeneyes]

Ilene,
I am so sorry, you have my sympathy and my prayers. Keep your head up, and remember there isn't anything wrong with you. So not let anyone tear you down.
((hugs))
Greeneyes

[Aunt Kelly]

One thing I brought up during the talks was that my crossdressing was an ENHANCEMENT; an ADDITION to me and my persona. It doesn't subtract anything from me, my talents, values, abilities, etc.
IMO, this strange but beautiful aspect of me deepens my human experience...

You may quote the GG wife of one of your "queer buddies" here as saying exactly that about me, as my fem self came more to the surface.

[Teresa]

Ilene,
Just to comment on Carla's point.
This is the problem I'm having with my wife, so much of me is being rejected as if it doesn't exist . It isn't a nice feeling a good part of you is withering away because you are trying to retain remnants of a marriage . At some point you have to be realistic and accept if it's gone it's gone , no going back !

[Mickitv]

What a great post Ilene. You are not alone and I know others feel the same way. We are here for you.

[IleneD]

Teresa,
You are a dear, and I know you have suffered for yourself.
And I hear you (and others) loud and clear.

People are not so disposable with me, and I truly do love this woman and she has loved me. I know there's a way to make it all work; to accommodate Ilene, and remain with the best friend I ever had. I know because I see vestiges of it in the lives of well-accepted forum members here.
Change can be painful for everyone. There were some ugly surprises in our heated discourse. I take into account that it's equally difficult for her as me.

[OCCarly]

You are kind, beautiful and wise, Ilene. Your wife is lucky to have you -- even if she does not realize it.

[CarlaWestin]

Ilene,
Just to comment on Carla's point.
This is the problem I'm having with my wife, so much of me is being rejected as if it doesn't exist . It isn't a nice feeling a good part of you is withering away because you are trying to retain remnants of a marriage . At some point you have to be realistic and accept if it's gone it's gone , no going back !

One of my wife's comments was that she couldn't talk to family about it and she financially couldn't even leave. I was puzzled why she thought I was some kind of different person. So, being the problem solver, I said that with half of the proceeds from selling the house and her monthly fixed income I could set her up with a budget if she wanted to leave. And that I didn't care who she told. It sort of ended that thought. Every now and then I get a comment about my play baby crap as she calls it but, I really just don't care. She only tries to make it an issue when she's mad about something. And I've learned over the years to just do the 'whatever' routine. You should never try to put a fire out with gasoline.

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Ilene, There isn't anything to add that hasn't already been said,

But you know that you have hundreds of friends that are always here for you
anytime to lend an ear.>Orchid.

[Teresa]

Carla,
We have already sorted the financial split out, the valuers are coming on Monday , we are continually being told in their leaflet drops that they have prospective buyers for our style of house so I'm waiting to see if they can put their money where their mouth is !

Sometime ago I told her I have no objections who she chooses to tell if it helps her deal with my Cding , I also stressed it was none of my business unless she does decide to tell me. The difference for me is her brother and sister know as do their married partners, and my children know as well as their partners . She also appears to be OK with who knows in my social group, I do talk about them to her, I don't think she realises how many of the public have seen me at the hotel where we hold the meetings .