coming out

[sugarfree natasha]

So, I've been cding for about 6 years now and I'm 27 now. Obviously this is a part of me. I want to let everyone in my immediate vicinity know but I'm still hesitant. I'm known as the funny hetero guy but I want to also be known as Natasha, the outfit oriented cd. My Ming is consumed with what ifs. Any advice? I'm desperate. I'm not ready for everyone to know but I also don't want to keep lying.

[jennifer0918]

If you feel your ready to come out to friends, then do it. I came out to a friend a few months ago,and we've being knowing each other for 10 years she was ok with it. I still haven't come out to my wife,but she is more old fashioned. I will one day,maybe?

[Bobbi46]

Several thoughts come to my mind,
1)Yes tell a close friend if you want to but sometimes closeness is not as close as you want it to be.
2) Have you told any of your immediate family and if not how close to you (in Miles) are they?
3) What if having told a few people but not your parents/siblings how would you feel if they found out about you but not directly from you? Betrayed?
4) Once the cat is out of the basket its not so easy to put it back.
You should be prepared for over a period of time that not only your friends will know but so also will everybody else. I am fortunate to live in a very accepting area and lots of people know about me without any problem but generally speaking sometimes things do not work out quite as one wanted them to in the beginning.
Yes telling somebody that you know very well and can rely on them being confidential with what you tell them is a very nice thing to do and takes a whole lot weight off ones shoulders, (as it did me).
You should weigh up all the pro's and con's and if's and but's before telling. I know you feel it is like living a lie or keeping a secret from everyone but for a lot of the girls here that is where it has to stay for various valid reasons.
But if you, deep down feel that telling will not only free your mind but enable to make your life easier then yes go ahead and tell but be prepared if it goes pear shaped somewhere along the line. and be ready with the right answers, if confronted by someone don't fudge the issue tell straight out "yes I do dress" and explain why, so many people are totally ignorant about what makes us all tick if these people knew our community would be far better off than it is in some respects.
I wish you well and tell us all how things go with you.

[Fiona123]

I would see a therapist who specializes in gender issues first.

[Maria_mtf]

Would be good to know more about you. Are you single or married? Do you have children? Those two answers will obviously be extremely important factors in decided what you do, and for anyone giving advice.

Will your job be impacted? A boss can't sack you for it but if they are really against it then they could think of other reasons too.

I personally think anyone should wear that want when they want it's your life you only have one, but I am a hypercrite as I plan to stay in the closet.

[Stacy Darling]

The want of coming out Tash is so high in some of us, I would love to be referred to as Stacy. I'm known as an eccentric hetro guy instead!

So, where am I going with this? Coming out is a very big step and will effect near every part of your life now as well as your future life, I'm 20 yrs older than you yet no more intelligent, I am however content if I lose family and friends due to my self being!

Weighing it all up is in your court Natasha!
Don't rush it!
Stacy!

[Krisi]

"I'm not ready for everyone to know " .........

If you're not ready for everyone to know, I suggest not telling anybody except your wife (not girlfriend, wife). Once people know, you can't take it back. You will be known as a crossdresser. Now for some, that's fine, they don't care. For most of us, that can create a problem with our career, our family, our children, etc.

You are the person who must decide what's best for your individual situation.

[Karen's Secret]

I'm desperate. I'm not ready for everyone to know but I also don't want to keep lying.

This is a big decision which is probably best made when you're not so full of anxiety. My advice is to consciously decide to put off the decision for a month and see how you feel then. In fact, I would intentionally pick a date on the calendar as a firm date that you will not tell anyone until then. Perhaps take the time to see a counselor who can help you work through the impacts to your life this decision might entail.

[josie_S]

I would echo seeing a therapist who specializes in gender issues. I think the pink fog is great, but it can also make me impulsive and I have to restrain myself from doing/saying something that I can't take back. This is one of those things. Ive been seeing a therapist for years now and she's helped me with self acceptance and also encourages going at a mindful pace, without judging myself or others. It helps me a lot. Good luck girl!

[Micki_Finn]

Well, think about the absolute most dire consequences and ask yourself if you're ready to live with that. If you don't know what your legal rights are where you live, find out. Some states protect against discrimination bit others don't and you could lose you job and your home if that tidbit got out.

[Pat]

I'm not ready for everyone to know but I also don't want to keep lying.

To me, if you've gotten to the point where you have a sense of lying in the mix, it's probably a question of when you come out, not if you come out. The desire to tell the truth can overpower a lot of resistance. People will give you a million reasons why you shouldn't; a million predictions of the dangers and horrors, etc. But if you feel like you're living a lie, then you're probably coming out.

If you can, it would be good to get together with a therapist who has actual experience with transgender people. This would be more to help you decide what your truth is before you start telling it. It's kind of a drag if you come out and then have to issue an addendum. A therapist can also help you with what may be making you feel you don't want everyone to know yet. Sometimes speaking your fears aloud to another human being can completely neutralize them (the fears. Not the human.) Sometimes it identifies areas you need to work on.

The biggest, hairiest question is once you come out, then what? You ask for this life; it's granted to you -- what are you going to do with it?

Good luck.

[Majella St Gerard]

I just started posting pictures on Facebook of myself en femm, now everyone knows, ta da!

[Lana Mae]

As is often said here, do they need to know? Weigh each one individually before you do anything! Also weigh the consequences of being outed if someone lets it slip or tells it! Consider family, friends, and the job! I am out to my family(son, daughter and sister in law), my friends-who are here on this forum, and the girls at the MAC counter! I am not out to my friend in PA., I will be but the time is not right! Being out and accepted is the most incredible feeling! Be smart though! Hugs Lana Mae