Is it wrong to Judge

[alwayshave]

I was out at my favorite watering hole with my fiancee, which overlooks a street in DC with many bars, restaurants, and night clubs, so there are lots of people who walk along the street. It was early in the evening prior to dusk and a fellow cross dresser walks by in a long dark dress, wig, no makeup, five-o-clock shadow, sneakers (chucks), black socks and hairy legs.

I tend to dress very girly, always shave my face twice and wear makeup with beard cover and my legs have not had hair on them in more than a decade. So, I tend to project my dressing standards on other dresser. I'd like to be more than a man-in-a-dress. So was I wrong to judge this individuals choices?

Interestingly, the same women walked by again with her wife and maybe three year old child. This time my fiancee sees and is none to happy about this being exposed to the child. She is accepting of my dressing but did not like the exposure of the child to crossdressing. I told my fiancee that's the parents call. She disagreed.

So I was defending and judging at the same moment. I guess sometimes I confuse myself.

[StephanieM]

I suppose it's like most things, we tend to think our way of doing things is the right way and other ways are wrong, and I don't mean just CDing. So when we see someone doing something we tend to judge them whether we mean to or not.

As for the defense part, it's also natural to defend those like us when someone else criticizes them. I suppose it's like don't pick on my brother only I can do that.

[Tracy Irving]

Theresa,

Is it possible...

There are crossdressers who don't think they are a woman and don't want to become a woman. They don't even want to present as one (wig and makeup) because, when doing so, they feel the mixed message it gives out causes confusion and misunderstanding. After all, many on this forum have no problem admitting they could never pass as a GG.

I just want everyone to be happy doing as much or as little crossdressing as they want.

[Teresa]

Tracy,
It's fine to discuss it between members on the forum but we are considering what the public think and their reaction, that child my have witnessed some bad comments first hand , is it really fair on that child ? Is it almost using and abusing that child to make a point it may not understand .

[Jodie_Lynn]

Teresa, think back to a time when interracial couples were on the front lines of discrimination. Do you think that their children were spared hateful comments? Should those couples have hidden their relationships in order to spare their kids?

Or should we show our children that there are many types of expression, and that not everyone is going to like what others do and say?

[kimdl93]

Of course its fair to judge...and unavoidable...so long as we keep our opinions to ourselves. (And share with our SOs at our own risk).

It is also fair to ask oneself why and how we arrived at that judgement.

[AllieSF]

We seem to use judging someone with a broad brush. Look at it this way, I don't "care" for how that person is dressed, however, I am not judgemental and that person can live their own life as they deem appropriate for herself. It is regularly used as just a comparison to our likes and dislikes, and is not in anyway limiting what others thinks or do when we keep that opinion to ourselves. If we share with others the tendency is to try to convince them to agree with us versus letting them form their own opinion. If you use judging as in comparing, then that is what we all do everyday when we look at people, pick fruit from the bin, pick a movie. We cannot and should not require others to live, or present or exist under terms that we personally deem proper, because those are usually based on societal norms that have been proven wrong in many cases over the past thousands of years.

Regarding presenting wrongly and thus giving others like us a bad reputation, I have always stated that is pure BS. First, us as a group are a tiny fraction of the total population. Us in that group that actually go out in public to be seen and many times interacted with are a growing but still very small percentage of that. I.e. We are a blip that only show up in a small number (compared to the total number) of people on this planet or even where we live. Dress how you want, when you want and where you want as long as it is legal. Trampy people go to church and get looked down upon. Hell, they are there to spend time with their God or supreme being, not to impress nor satisfy the other people there supposedly there for the same reason.

Regarding having little children seeing us and even interacting with us, that is their parents decision. I personally believe that they should see and learn to interact with us when possible in order to see that we (everyone on this planet) come in all shapes, sizes, colors, languages and presentations, and most importantly, we all have the same right to be here and go about our lives. If we start limiting or restricting their view of the world to our own, they may end up just like their closed minded unaccepting parents, and then ... the basic problem of acceptance of all by all continues to wallow in the mud, and we will unnecessarily continue to have these "acceptance" discussions long into the future

[Nigella]

We all have standards that we try to live by, and occasionally we do judge others by them. This individual is expressing themselves in their own standard. They may just be a crossdresser and nothing more, the majority on this site are not only crossdressers but female emulators. I think that is where you were coming from.

As for the children, you are right it is the parents responsibilty to teach. IMHO they were right to show that it is OK to express yourself in any way you wish, of course as long as it is legal. In today's modern society children are exposed to more damaging images/situations than seeing a bearded man in a dress, if it had not been one of the adults with them, it could have been any other man in a dress walking down the street minding their own business.

Prior to my coming out our daughter saw a crossdresser in our local Woolworths. She simply stated "Dad that man is wearing a dress". My respons was, "Is there anything wrong with that?". A simple reply was "No dad". That was the end of the matter for her and she went on with the rest of her day.

[Lana Mae]

It is not nice to judge! They did not meet your standards but why would they have to live by your standards? I was the same as you either fully dress and be like a female or don't do it at all! NO! After being on this site and reading threads and just thinking about it! (Phili comes to mind!) There are those who do not meet our standards and guess what they do not have to! It is their journey not ours! I think Phili presents well and is a very good representation of those who do not wish to shave! We are doing to them like the outside muggle world is doing to all of us! Acceptance in our world is key to our growth!
(Phili if I spelled the name wrong-sorry!)
Hugs Lana Mae

[Nigella]

.. It is their journey not ours! We are doing to them like the outside muggle world is doing to all of us! Acceptance in our world is key to our growth!

Hugs Lana Mae

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[BrendaPDX]

I think is's natural to be at least a little judgmental, it's what you do with it that counts.

[Georgina]

There is nothing wrong with a man wearing a dress. What you have to say about it is your opinion not a judgment.

[Krisi]

"There is nothing wrong with a man wearing a dress"

Well, that's an opinion not shared by the general public. I hope you realize that.

[Jodie_Lynn]

We are doing to them like the outside muggle world is doing to all of us! Acceptance in our world is key to our growth!

Hugs Lana Mae

This says it all!

In our broad community, here on the forums and in the great wide world, we have so many different ways to present; from the secret underdresser, to the man-in-a-dress (no, not using the acronym), to full on passable girls and every variant in between. As long as no one is doing anything immoral or illegal, how can we fault our peers for presenting as they themselves see fit?

We want to be able to express ourselves as we please, we must allow, without judgement, others to do the same.

[Tracy Irving]

We don't hide behind a wig and painted faces,

A quick search of.the web asking the purpose of applying makeup is very revealing. Basically, two answers stand out. The first is to highlight features that already exist. As a man, it would not help to look more manly when the goal is just the opposite. The second is to alter ones appearance. Maybe I shouldn't have used the word "hide" but it is all just semantics. Is not the purpose of beard cover to hide the blue tinge commonly found on a freshly shaven face? Other cosmetics can hide blemishes and regulate skin color for the next step. I totally understand you wanting to express your feelings through makeup and I don't think anyone here would want to deny you that right. But, when we strip it down, you are altering your appearance from looking like a man to trying to look like a woman.

Aunt Kelly,
Again you make too much sense. When I learned on here that we are either cisgender or transgender, and a crossdresser can't be cisgender, I was, like, what? I have always stated that I do not think I am a woman, I do not feel like a woman, I do not want to be a woman or even pretend to be one. I actually have no problems with my gender. I know I will.get blasted for this viewpoint but I would like to agree with you 100% when you reject the notion that a MIAD is transgendered. Thank you.

[JenniferMBlack]

Yes it is wrong to judge.Maybe that is who she is maybe her comfort level, you don't know. Do you want others judging you when you go out? Or do you just want to be excepted?

I am interested in your fiances reaction to the child being exposed, as you implied you go out and she is accepting of your dressing. So she is ok with ither poeples children being exposed but not the crissdressers?

[alwayshave]

I am interested in your fiances reaction to the child being exposed, as you implied you go out and she is accepting of your dressing. So she is ok with ither poeples children being exposed but not the crissdressers?

Wbdavid, when out with her we tend go to transfriendly bars and other venues which do not have anyone under 21. Though your point is well taken, at least by me.

[Ressie]

But many crossdressers are out during the day too. Some children are gonna be exposed to CDs/TGs while others won't until they're a little older. Should kids live an uber sheltered life? If so, that's how they become ignorant adults.

[~Joanne~]

I wish I could say that I don't judge but honestly, in one way or another we all do whether we like it or not. Half dressed will always make me cringe, I don't know why, but it does not that I see a lot of CD's around here. I agree that whether the child is subjected to it or not is the parents choice, like Ressie said: sheltering your kids to everything that is life will make them ignorant adults.

[Jenn A116]

Wrong to judge? Well, maybe. But then again, don't we all do it?

My wife and I will often comment to each other about people we see that have a nice look to them. We will also comment about those that apparently have no mirrors to check their appearance.

[Stephanie47]

I see nothing wrong to judge a person's presentation. You've never made a comment of a man's attire when his butt crack is fully exposed because he is morbidly obese and wears ill fitting pants? Or his beer gut sticks out from under his tee shirt? No matter how much I may enjoy a nicely shaped woman, I do not think the young woman cashier at my local Target wearing a top with her boobs falling out is appropriate. I would not choose to not associate with a person because of his or her presentation. However, how a person does present may give rise to other issues that would cause me to limit my association.

Your wife's comment is not unusual. Just read the comments on this site. I don't know if a three year old child is able to process the issues surrounding cross dressing. This is an issue which needs to be settled by the parents. It's not necessary for a child to be exposed to something or someone to be raised without prejudice.

[Tracy Irving]

on the other hand I think that a half dresser is not great for our community as a whole.

I didn't post on this site for over six months. One of the reasons was because of the tiny "crossdresser" umbrella that didn't approve of crossdressers. I always thought crossdressers were a part of the crossdressing community as a whole. Crossdressing soon became way more than crossdressing. I learned some people feel that we need to present as female and hide who we are with a wig and a painted face to fit in here. But, I am back and ready to get banned from this site because I am a crossdresser. I am not a half dresser. I don't wear half a bra, one thigh high and half a dress. I fully crossdress, mostly without a wig and makeup, and I don't feel like I am missing out on anything.

I realize I shake up this world when I challenge the status quo and get people to think about the other side. They probably want me to take another sabbatical, lol.

I really do wish everyone success and happiness with their crossdressing choices.

[Jean 103]

Man in a dress is the question? Where do you draw the line, or do you? The look is not for me, but if this is you, I will support you. As I have said I have met two persons dressed this way , well men in skirts. Then there is fashion. This what I see it is all about. I wear what i like and works for me.

[Micki_Finn]

I'll admit that I react when I see that sort of thing as well. I don't think it's judgement in my case. I do cringe but I think I have an over devolved sense of empathy so seeing that makes me feel what it would be like for ME to be out "half dressed" and it makes me viscerally uncomfortable.

[Tracy Irving]

So, I tend to project my dressing standards on other dresser. I'd like to be more than a man-in-a-dress. So was I wrong to judge this individuals choice?

You have every right to feel the way you do about this individual just as he has every right judge you. As long as you keep it to yourself there is no problem. It is when you try to take away freedom and force your standards on someone else I draw the line.