Is it wrong to Judge

[suzanne]

In your lifetime, how much have you been judged for your crossdresssing? For transgressing the holy gender norms of western civilization? And how did it feel? Do you really need to turn around and heap it on the next available person? That's how bullying is propagated.

What we really need is to support one another. Everyone in this forum is living in the margins because we dress in a way that is outside the usual social standards . It's inexcusable to further marginalize them for not measuring up to your standard. I'm very happy that you are so meticulous in putting your presentation together. I do the same in my own way. My style means I presentably coordinate my outfits and shoes, I wax my legs, and shave my face, but does not include wig, makeup or breastforms. I'm pretty sure, based on what you wrote, that you would judge me harshly because of what I omit relative to you. And we just don't need that kind of infighting if we are to continue to gain respect in the world.

[Becky Blue]

There are two distinct 'approval' issues.. there is what we ie the T Community think and then there is the broader 'normal' one... my opinion is that people in general don't like variation and many disapprove of us because they do not understand us. I think that a guy with hairy legs in a dress is likely to get less approval in the broader community than a dresser who has made an attempt to look as genuine is possible...

[SaraLin]

I would have been -um- uncomfortable about the person's presentation, since it doesn't line up with with anything I would do.
I'm also uncomfortable around body piercings (ears are OK, of course), lots of tattoos, goth, extreme biker, or "club kid" styles. They are outside my wheelhouse, and I'm never sure exactly how to react to whatever it is that they're saying.

Yes, I'd be more uncomfortable around the not-fully-dressed person than some of the others, since IMO, it tends to stir up negative emotions among the general populace - and that might well be easily extended to the whole T* spectrum.

I'm not saying that this person shouldn't/couldn't do whatever he/she wants - just how I would feel personally. If that's judging, so be it. I wouldn't say anything or do anything to interfere. It's not my place to do so.

About the child - about my only real concern would that when it gets a bit older, the poor kid could be subjected to bullying/teasing by other kids ..."Your daddy's a queer. He wears a dress. Nyah,nyah...." You get the drift. That would be my biggest fear.

[Krisi]

We all judge. It's human nature. We judge our food, we judge cars and yes, we judge other people. We judge people (and things) by our own standards and experience.

Is it wrong? No, you can't help judging, it's human nature. It's when to take action based on your judgment that it can become wrong. It's OK to take action if you feel your steak is overdone, it's OK to slow down or speed up a car that looks like it may fall apart or is being driven by a drunk or someone on a cell phone.

It's OK to look away or walk away from someone you feel is dressed inappropriately, but it's not OK to say something to them or call attention to them. It is OK to talk to your wife o4 friends about it if the person can't hear you.

[SheriM]

Lets not get too confused with what our society says/thinks with what we think. And lets not confuse what we LIKE with what we think is wrong. I don't like to see a man in a dress but it doesn't offend me. I like to see a beautiful shapely woman and will not apologize for it. My likes/dislikes may not be the same as yours. They are only feelings, unless we try to impose them on others. Sure, exposing a child to a MIAD is probably in a grey area but unless the MIAD is hurting, abusing or imposing his will on others, it is his business, not mine. Lets live and let live. Lets all get along with each other.

[BrendaPDX]

I think is's natural to be at least a little judgmental, it's what you do with it that counts.

[Georgina]

There is nothing wrong with a man wearing a dress. What you have to say about it is your opinion not a judgment.

[Krisi]

"There is nothing wrong with a man wearing a dress"

Well, that's an opinion not shared by the general public. I hope you realize that.

[NicoleScott]

"Judge" can have two meanings.
If you mean "determine", have at it.
If you mean "condemn", reflect on your authority and exercise restraint.

[ellbee]

Not everyone who is assigned-male-at-birth (AMAB) needs to present as a stereotypical female. Maybe this person was dressing and presenting as their true non-binary/genderqueer selves. But instead you judged them as a crossdresser who isn't up to your standards. That's not cool.

I agree.


And BTW, maybe that person doesn't agree with those who get all dolled-up & present as totally traditionally female -- that they think it's a bit odd or something.


Hey, we all have our different reasons & different tastes for doing what we do.

[sometimes_miss]

If someone is clearly a man in a dress, no matter of additional make up, shaving, correct accessorizing, being fashionable, etc., is going to change how most of the public is going to think of him. So perhaps, knowing that, he just went ahead and went out as a 'man in a dress'.