Is there an appropriate forum to discuss our new found sexuality? I truly don't want to violate any rules here. But what if I started with a high heel fetish and then found out I switched my sexual preference?
Is there an appropriate forum to discuss our new found sexuality? I truly don't want to violate any rules here. But what if I started with a high heel fetish and then found out I switched my sexual preference?
My favorite things in life: a nice boyfriend
If you think CDing causes you to become gay it doesn't.
If you are gay you pretty much know it. Its not a thing where you wake up one day and all of a sudden you are gay.
Last edited by Tracii G; 08-08-2017 at 11:55 PM.
Dressing/gender preferences have little to do with sexuality dear.
I have known big bad leather bears with a BAD case of helium heels. I have also known pretty little women who would HURT you just for looking.
Most cross-dressers are 'straight'. Yes, honestly.
However, I don't believe that this forum has a 'sexuality' section. It just kind of blends in with everything else.
<3
- MM
- Madame Moose - on my way to Anne
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"I yam what I yam and tha's all what I yam." -- Popeye the Sailor
"If I am not for myself, who will be for me? And when I am for myself, what am 'I'? And if not now, when?" - Hillel the Elder
I think what you are saying, is that you have set yourself on a path of self discovery vs you actually changing due to CD. (correct me if I am wrong)
"I aim to misbehave..." - Malcom Reynolds
"I always behave, whether it's good or bad is a completely different story!" - Me
My first thought in answer to your question was "What if you did? Would that make you a different person?"
A more thoughtful answer is that, yes, when I allow my feminine side to reign, my personality does change somewhat and for the better, I think. When I drop the manly façade, I become a softer person, a more considerate person. I am more likely to offer a deserved compliment, more sensitive to another's feeling and more tolerant of real or conceived faults.
My sexual preferences don't change because I'm wearing the girls or a dress. My default preference is a lady but I've had very pleasurable experiences on both sides of the fence.
The clothes you wear won't change your preference but it's possible that they might trigger a desire that always been there but deeply hidden.
Sometimes, the new identification as a different gender makes you question a lot of other things about yourself.
It is all good, and all 'normal'.
- MM
- Madame Moose - on my way to Anne
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"I yam what I yam and tha's all what I yam." -- Popeye the Sailor
"If I am not for myself, who will be for me? And when I am for myself, what am 'I'? And if not now, when?" - Hillel the Elder
Hmm, something always there, triggers bring it out. Perhaps that is true. I'm not so black and white these days, lol, so I don't agree with "if your gay you know it" style of thinking, the binary decision.
I was never an aggressive kid, the bullies discovered that pretty early on. I was never an alpha male, but I tried some things- some sports, hunting. I was not good at these.
I would wear my sisters dresses and shoes when left alone as a young teen. So the seeds were spouting then. I loved it of course, but in 1970 in a middle class suburb, who even knew about cd, transvestites? We heard the derogatory jokes about gay (we used other bad words back then), but I never knew a real live person. A little sheltered kid with some feminine traits I needed to express, but that was not even a known option.
This forum is a great resource, younger ones now have so much more info, and world views are changing before our eyes.
Candy
Well here's how I see it and like always Traci and I disagree. Growing up as a child, adolescent and teen back then boys dated girls and homo or bi were never ever mentioned and that's how it was, period. If 1 out of a 1000 was gay, queer back then he was looked down on. As society has loosened up and gotten a little smarter as far as preference for a sexual partner acceptance has come along. Both CDs and non CDs admire beautiful sexy women with the clothes that accent their sexiness and body parts, so much that some of us would like to change to be those women and others know the closest thing we can do to be them is wear their clothes. The others for some reason don't have the desire to take it as far as we do. For some wearing their clothes wants them to feel even more like a woman by doing the sexual things a woman does with a man. Watching CD videos and reading can add to this womanly desire and when dressed draw them to wanting to try sex as a woman with a man. So I believe that crossdressing, transsexual videos, reading TS articles, etc. can make a CD want to be more of a woman by having sex with a man and it wasn't a hidden trait they were born with. Do you think the same at 60 years old as you did at 17? We change, physically, smarter and some even sexual preference. And don't forget some males change from wearing men's clothes to prefer wearing women's clothes and presenting as a woman.
Candi there is only one way to find out if this is for you and we all know what that is.
Last edited by deebra; 08-09-2017 at 07:46 AM. Reason: Forgot
Honey FYI if you are gay you do know it.Every gay man I know me included knows it.
Just because you were never an aggressive kid doesn't mean a whole lot neither does playing sports or hunting.
To make my point here is brief history of me as an example.
I am gay but I love to hunt and love shooting sports.(Not a gay sport usually right?)
Was a member of a 1%er outlaw motorcycle club.( deff not a gay friendly bunch of people).
Worked as a bouncer at a biker bar.( kick ass and take names and send you packing).
Just to add I love to get out in the woods and go 4 wheeling,rock crawling or trail riding ATV's.
So you can see all of those activities have nothing to do with ones sexual preference.
the words " triggered and binary" are just current fluff words for people to use that don't want to admit who or what they are.
Kind of like putting the blame on outside influences rather than admit the truth about themselves.
P.S. deebra I agree with your post and kudos well said.
Last edited by Tracii G; 08-09-2017 at 08:50 AM.
I am going to have to side with Tracii on this one, every gay person I know, always knew they were gay from around the time they hit adolescence and even younger. I have always identified with female more than male, not to say I don't like "manly" things and activities, but for instance I never played sports in school. I have been crossdressing since about age 10 but I have never had any sexual interest in men beyond masturbatory fantasies that I could never go through with in real life.
"If 1 out of a 1000 was gay, queer back then he was looked down on."
It was, and it still is, 1 in 10, as it always has been. The rest is just publicity.
I knew I was 'queer' since like 11 or 12. I was checking out Mom's clothes since like 8. I have a specific memory of standing in front of a full length mirror as 8 with Mom's bra on. It had nothing to do with sex (the act).
Having said that, the idea of dressing *never* mattered to what made 'Mr Happy' happy.
*PEOPLE*, intelligence, wisdom, creativity.. THAT makes me internally turgid.
- MM
Last edited by mechamoose; 08-09-2017 at 09:59 AM. Reason: punctuation...&@&%(%#$
- Madame Moose - on my way to Anne
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"I yam what I yam and tha's all what I yam." -- Popeye the Sailor
"If I am not for myself, who will be for me? And when I am for myself, what am 'I'? And if not now, when?" - Hillel the Elder
Sure every gay person that you know, always knew they were gay. They came out as gay when they were young! But what about repression of homosexual thoughts? You know, Freud's theory of latent homosexuality. What about those thousands of men that have only been a little bi-curious their entire life and have only been in heterosexual relationships?
Yes CDing and sexual preference are two different things but for some they go together like coffee and cigarettes. I think for Candy the fetish aided in bringing out repressed thoughts. No, I'm not a psychologist but Freud was. She may try sex with men at this point and find it's not as good as sex with women or vice versa.
"You're the only one to see the changes you take yourself through", Stevie Wonder
Maybe so Ressie.
Candy may just be bi curious at this point.
Many times I have read here where people join up they have a fear if they accept or start to like CDing that they will in fact turn gay.
Even new members will make the comment I love to dress up but I'm not gay is this normal?
So my point is its a common misconception that dressing and sexual preference go hand in hand but we know it doesn't work that way. Candy may not be aware of that at this point.
Last edited by Tracii G; 08-09-2017 at 01:57 PM.
In my profile I indicated that I was Bi-curious. This was not always the case. The more I was able to dress, (sexily at times) and present as a woman with jiggling breasts and a flat front, the more the thought of being the woman with a man grew as a fantasy. I've never acted on it and probably never will, but Deebra's comments certainly capture my fantasy feelings.
As Traci said and others commented on, Candy - you may be more curious than gay. Many CDers desire to be affirmed in their femininity and fantasy or even actual actions to have a man treat them as a woman are enjoyable. But if you do not get physically turned on by seeing a man, you are more likely curious. IMHO
Hugs, Ellen
My own personal experience over the last 17 years is that this matter can be and often is more nuanced than this thread reflects so far. Just sayin.
'curious'?
A given person gets born. They don't even know what the world is, never mind where they fit.
Waah, wahh (gasp *cough*)
What new information do you have about yourself since that day? You get some stuff your parents tried to pass on, crap happens, but at 16+ you kinda are on your own.
Yikes, my youngest is 16 (My oldest is 33). I'm open and honest, gender? He is totally cool with that... but talk about tab A into slot B, his ears light up like flares.
He recently had this little cutie who was ALL over him (if *I* was 16, I know what *I* would have done), and he just felt awkward. Gahh.. tell your teen that *S*E*X* is NORMAL and they get all weird. Maybe picturing Mom & Dad?
He gets that it isn't about physical intimacy, it is more about being a friend. (if I can save him from being a dad before 30, my task was accomplished)
Just like us. It is not about sex. It is about relationships. Bits vary, some assembly required.
If you are hungry for steak, then go have a steak. If you feel like fish, then go get some fish. The choice is yours.
<3
- MM
- Madame Moose - on my way to Anne
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"I yam what I yam and tha's all what I yam." -- Popeye the Sailor
"If I am not for myself, who will be for me? And when I am for myself, what am 'I'? And if not now, when?" - Hillel the Elder
Interesting that your 16 year old gets all weird when you talk about sex being normal. I had a very frank discussion about sex with my son when he was in middle school. ( I got his mother pregnant the first time we had unprotected sex) By the time he was 16 he had no problem asking me or his mother to buy him condoms.
What happened to someone being bi-sexual, versus only being gay or bi-curious? As far as I know, just because someone has sex with the same gender does not mean that they are automatically gay or lesbian. However, they can be bi-curious or bi-sexual, sometimes referred to pansexual, and may even self determine that they are gay or lesbian afterward. It seems like in the first part of this thread people automatically assumed that one had to "know". Being Bi-whatever can definitely be a learned and a late in life occurrence for someone with different catalysts starting it for each one. For many, it has to be discovered and experimented with. I have met several women who after being married and having kids entered a lesbian relationship, get remarried and had another kid, never "knowing" that they were lesbian from the beginning. I have a couple like that in my extended family now. I have also met some publicly professing gay men who were also married with several kids who ended up in gay relationships. I can agree that most gay and lesbian people probably know from a very early age that they are different and eventually learn what that difference is. But, I also believe that some, a probably small percentage of the whole, never know until later in life.
Funny you say that Roberta, My parents had me from both of their first times. She was 16, he was 18. My dad didn't just get a 'hole in one', he got the youngest of three daughters. My Grampa did not approve of Dad because he wore *jeans*. Yikes, 1963 values.
But that was the best he had.
But since then, I have told all my spawn about my dalliances with men and women, the polyamorus life I have led the drugs I did, the choices I made. They are *conservative* compared to me then and now.
(Nota Bene: Kid 1 and 2 were with partner 1, mid 80's. Kid 3 was with partner 2, 15 years later. Yes, I *chose* to have kid 3 when Kid 1 was 16. )
We chose a number of things (including circumcision) differently with Kid 3. We have been frank about ... well, just everything about being a human. It is all meat and intent.
My 16 year old is 6'5" and has a beard I did not own until I was in my 20's. He gets *chased*... but he wants none of it.
His best friend is 15 and acknowledges he is gay (Who did that at 15???) I thought for certain 3 would at least be Bi.
You don't really know what comes after you, no matter how loud you are.
"What happened to someone being bi-sexual, versus only being gay or bi-curious? "
Social crap.
If I *LIKE* you, then a don't give a damn what bits you have. Did YOU get to pick your gender? I know I certainly frakking didn't.
I like an interesting person, the rest is variable. What one chooses to pursue is up to them and their comfort level with themselves.
It *IS* (like much of this identify stuff) about your comfort level with yourself.
- MM
Last edited by mechamoose; 08-09-2017 at 01:36 PM. Reason: Claification
- Madame Moose - on my way to Anne
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"I yam what I yam and tha's all what I yam." -- Popeye the Sailor
"If I am not for myself, who will be for me? And when I am for myself, what am 'I'? And if not now, when?" - Hillel the Elder
MM, I do not get your "Social crap" wording. I agree that if one is gay, lesbian or trans, or probably a lot of other things that are part of our being and how we act are there from the beginning. However, we may have never discovered that until later in life. Gay and lesbian are binary when looking at the fact that they are true to their choice of sexual partners. Bi-sexual?pansexual are those that really don't care what the othe person is, they are just attracted to them and would have no issue having a sexual relationship with them. To me, bi-curious is one exploring their sexuality. They may try, not like and go back to being heterosexual, or may like both and keep that option open during their life, or they may realize that they are gay or lesbian and just needed some type of motivation, change in life, trauma, or whatever, to move forward. Bi-curious is just an experimentation stage, and we should experiment to find our true selves.
I guess to me, the acceptance is 'social crap'.
The rest is really the heavy lifting. You like someone, maybe you even love someone. That person is (likely) another Homo Sapien.
Do you like chocolate or vanilla?
Do you sometimes like that blended thing that Wendy's does?
To me, bi-curious is someone finally seeing that the wall between 'genders' is pretty thin. At the other end of it is a person, and they want YOU. (or you want THEM)
Maybe they dress like their DNA rules say they should, maybe they don't (I don't)
You still like them, and they still like you, yes?
The only reason 'Bromances' exist is because they are too afraid to kiss & snuggle.
Love is love.
How hard is that?
- MM
Last edited by mechamoose; 08-09-2017 at 02:08 PM. Reason: For you, Ned.
- Madame Moose - on my way to Anne
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"I yam what I yam and tha's all what I yam." -- Popeye the Sailor
"If I am not for myself, who will be for me? And when I am for myself, what am 'I'? And if not now, when?" - Hillel the Elder
Allie what are you gay,straight,pansexual ?
I'm not an expert obviously, but my theory, Candy, is you probably have suppressed your sexual preference, maybe even subconscienly, and the heels may have awakened what you have always felt inside, but were afraid to explore. As others have said already, dressing doesn't change our sexuality because the 2 are independent for us. You however said it was a fetish so in your case I don't believe the 2 are seperated. I think for you they go hand in hand, and you know what? it isn't a big deal. Love who you love and enjoy what you do with people no matter what they have between their legs, as long as you are with a willing partner it doesn't matter.
Tracii, I am me and my personal preferences are my private territory to share when I desire. How I am has nothing to do with my opinions expressed here, and I, like you, have many friends and acquaintances who cross gender and sexual borders in many ways, and we have both been here a long time, probably too much constant time speaking for myself. That experience gives me adequate justification to participate here, if that is where you are going with your question.
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