The first moment I knew I wanted to wear women's clothing.
Looking back for me it was Halloween when I was 13, I wore the same outfit as John T in Saturday Night Fever, but my outfit had a skirt instead of the pants. From that description you would think I would remember , but the truth is I just don't . It was my Aunt's outfit and She reminds me all the time during family functions. The next years Halloween I was invited to a party, I do remember wanting to wear women's clothing again , but after mentioning it 3 times , each time a little louder .."not sure if anyone heard me", I realized from the glances I was too eager.. thus the start of denial.
Im in my 50's and in deep with the fog, looking back for all the clues.
I went through my teen years looking at girls, I think as much as any other male.
I met a girl of my dreams at 19 , She was 2 years older and thought I had hit the jackpot, but the next 7 years was brutal as it became obvious we weren't meant for each other, me wanting to experiment and her not so much.
So at the ripe ol age of 26 I left my girlfriend and went on a 2 year discovery. I wasn't with any other women during my past 7 years of celibacy but made up for it the next 2 years, lol.
I then met my wife who was also older by a few years "I like those older girls", I decided no matter who I met I would lay it out there about the things that made me tic.
Without going into details my girlfriend and I had a great sex life, but like all great things sometimes it comes to a end, My girlfriend of 6 years was now pregnant . So we got married, not because we had to, but because we loved each other.
Pretty much everything went into the closet, all our energy going into our only child. There were moments of expression by me about what I really wanted but all was put on the back burner until our only offspring left the nest. Our child grew up and took a job that required leaving the Country.
A few months prior to her leaving, in anticipation, I started secretly raiding my wife's closet and dressing. realizing the clothes didn't work I started visiting websites looking at outfits I wanted to buy.
Once our child was gone, I wrote a letter to my wife telling how I felt and that I had no regrets putting off what I wanted but I felt it was now me time. In the letter I told her I wanted to dress up, so upstairs I went putting on tops and bottoms of hers that I thought looked best and makeup. I came down stairs and presented myself. She couldn't have been better and told me She thought I looked beautiful "I didn't". She gave me the most amazing hug, I felt so loved.
I started ordering clothes online and wigs, then my wife and I would go shopping , me in male mode nodding at items of clothing that i liked , it progressed to the point of her buying me surprise gifts.
I was in full discovery mode, every day seemed like a leap. At the beginning I would dress up all day and wait for her to come home from work, sending text messages back and forth about what I was doing and what I was wearing. When She came home we would play, after coupling I would undress. But as time went on I started to miss losing the clothes and wanted to stay dressed even after sex. So I started dressing more, the sex as great as it was started to become secondary, the desire to feel pretty started taking over.
My wife is amazing, quite honestly the happiest ,most non judgmental human being I have ever known.. I could write so much about her.
Squash..............................
Our child after almost 2 years returned home.
I love my daughter more than anything, as does my wife, so back into the shadows I go.
I steal moments when our daughter is gone to work, but I am in misery.
I want to dress so much longer.
Hate hiding who I am, I am 56 years old and want to live my life before it's over.
My wife wants me to be happy but the direction I have expressed going most likely isn't for her.
We don't want to lose each other, but I feel so trapped, I told her I wish I could be somewhere so I can figure it out.
I know im lucky and that some of you would give anything to have what I have.
For my wife the idea of our daughter knowing is a no go and its caused some friction between us, we still love each other but She wants it between us.
I would never break my wife's trust so I will listen to what She thinks and try to find time when I can, until something changes.
Im thinking about going to a therapist soon, but I am freaked out about what this all means and the changes it could lead to.
I know there is nothing new here and most likely been said before, but I appreciate you reading my story.
Originally Posted by Hell on Heels
