Transitioning at work in three weeks

[Persephone]

Awesome! Congratulations! May this be a wonderful first day of your life!
(And we will want to hear all about it!).

[Caroline Varg]

Wow - what a hugh feeling it must be. Congratulations! Of course we would like you to write a full story about it!

[kimdl93]

So many great and encouraging stories being shared here!!! Congratulations to each of you!

[Rianna Humble]

That's great Sara Nicole! Even though it was before time began, I still remember my first day on the job as the real me!

Must be time to

[Sometimes Steffi]

It's probably too late for any advice, but you might want to go into work a little more girly for just the first day.

I have some very casual skirts that I might wear the first day, and then switch to jeans,

[Nicole Erin]

If everyone already knows you are going to start living and working as Sara, then why not just dress as you feel comfy? Maybe not like club attire but suppose you want to wear skirts, why not do so?
Someone said that people WILL notice and talk about it. Well they are going to be talking about you (at least until it is old news after a couple days) whether you wear frumpy jeans or a skirt. Maybe a knee length skirt since it is a work place.

If you are going to work with little or no makeup, jeans, and a boring top, what is even the point of so-called transition? So many TG want to live this full time but don't want to put much effort into their looks. Even if one doesn't pass, others will still take you more serious if you make an honest effort to look the part.

With shoes though, gauge those according to to how much you have to walk around (like if the break room and restroom are 500 miles away like where I work), if you are going up and down staircases, how much you are on your feet... If foot comfort isn't a big thing, go for some 2 or 3 inch basic pumps if dressing professionally.

Here is a good question for whoever -
Do you really think it helps a TG pass better if they are going around in jeans, no makeup, and basically looking like they did before trying to live a new gender role? Even if it does, then what is the point of transition if you are presenting basically the same? That whole "I am a woman in my mind" is a load of crud. You cannot just live as a woman in your head. You need to look, sound, and live the part.

I tell you where i am at - I live this full time. Given the work I do, skirts are not really an option (I climb ladders a lot) but nice top, slack-type shorts, makeup, hair, voice etc. No I do not pass that great but I do look good, I hear it often. You can too. Just don't be lazy with presentation and you too will hear often about "OH I love that (whatever)..."

[Krisi]

I think it helps a TG pass better if she dresses for the time and place (and that includes makeup). She will pass better if she is dressed like the women around her. The workplace for most women is not a fashion show. Look around. Letter carriers, delivery drivers, military personnel, retail workers (except for high end clothing or jewelry), factory workers. What are they wearing? Comfortable, appropriate clothing. Some will wear moderate makeup, some none at all.

I'll agree, a transsexual might benefit from some makeup to hide masculine features but the key is to just wear enough for that. Don't go to your post office job looking like you are going to a nightclub.

[Sara Olivia]

Hi Ladies,
Well, today was my first day working presenting as Sara. It was a wonderful experience. My colleagues and managers were all great and friendly and supportive and it was just awesome to be addressed by my female name. Everywhere from my email to my personal identification card is now in my female name and with my female photo. A great day at work though I will admit that I nevertheless felt stressed for much of it simply because this represented such a huge change. In a meeting today my manager referred to me several times addressing me as Sara and it took my brain a moment to register every time that he was referring to me. An unusual experience. As promised, here is a photo of how I was dressed for my first day of work. Hopefully it will meet with some approval from all the ladies here who have been so helpful to me with this thread.Day 1 at Work.jpg

[Becoming Brianna]

Congratulations Sara! I'm so happy for you!

[grace7777]

Sara, you look very nice. Happy to hear that things went well for you on your first day as a woman.

[Persephone]

Lovely! Congratulations and Best Wishes!

[kristinacd55]

Congrats! You look totally natural and at ease, nicely done. I have 2 close friends who transitioned at work (both truck drivers!) and both had for the most part a fairly easy time.

[Nigella]

... As promised, here is a photo of how I was dressed for my first day of work. Hopefully it will meet with some approval from all the ladies here who have been so helpful to me with this thread.

You do not need approval from anyone on this forum

[Pat]

You look awesome! Every bit like a woman I'd expect to meet in an office setting.

In a meeting today my manager referred to me several times addressing me as Sara and it took my brain a moment to register every time that he was referring to me. An unusual experience.

I was talking to my therapist about this just yesterday. I was telling her I had been at a gathering where everyone was using the right name and everyone was being careful to use appropriate pronouns and it was wonderful, I loved it, but it was still feeling "new." I asked how long it takes for it to become routine. She told me in her experience it really takes people three years to settle into the new identity. Her thesis is that normalcy comes after you've experienced things a number of times and some things (e.g. Thanksgiving dinner) only happen once a year. However, in your office environment, it should work itself in pretty quickly because you'll experience it daily. I don't mention this to make it sound like there's a long road ahead, but just to say forgive yourself if a year down the road you find yourself nervous as you approach one of those less-frequent experiences.

Congratulations!

[Krisi]

I'm glad it went well.

[Sara Olivia]

Hello Ladies,
My first week working as Sara is now in the history books and it was a wonderful experience for me. To think that this is how the remainder of my career will proceed has brightened my future immeasurably. I can now hardly wait for the day when I will never have to switch back into male mode. So here, in this thread I have worried for weeks about the first impression that I would leave, especially on the female staff, and many of you helped me greatly in deciding how I would present at work to achieve the first impression that I was hoping for. As coincidence would have it, for the first two days of work there was not another woman in the office just me and about a dozen guys. They of course could care less as to how I was dressed. It wasn't until yesterday, Friday, that one of the women finally made it to work. Nevertheless thanks to all of you I now have what I believe to be a totally acceptable work wardrobe consisting of jeans, capris, and other dress pants and matching tops. I will post the photo of my first day at work as promised and the past two days I was very comfortable in a pair of jeans and pretty top. As it was a bit cooler here yesterday I added a black sweater to the outfit. As expected, I felt very self conscious this week and nervous though that was mostly all self imposed. My colleagues were all very friendly, as they have always been, and very respectful. They all used my female name and the correct pronouns when referring to me and did their best to make me feel comfortable. A few times in meetings when someone addressed me using Sara, it took my brain a moment to click and to realize that it was me they were talking to. I am already a lot less nervous and stressed about the coming weeks and in fact am looking forward to it. I also have to say its an amazing feeling to now only exist as a female at my place of work, that is, with my female name on the sign in board email letter head and signature, computer networks,etc. I should have done this decades ago.

The only real challenge of the week came from a totally unexpected direction. I had bought this pair of ankle high tan colored suede boots that I thought looked really good with my jeans. In hindsight I should have worn socks with them that day. As it turned out by the end of the day I had massive open blisters on the backs of both of my feet. Rather than breaking in my new boots it was my feet that ended up losing the fight. So I am wondering, with the current forecast of rain ahead next week, what shoes I will be able to wear that will not cause agonizing pain to walk in. So that is all I am going to say for now. I will continue to add to this thread if and when I feel something interesting or helpful to others thinking of transitioning in the workplace occurs. I've loved all the feedback and useful advice that so many of you have already provided to me. I would love to continue to hear from you - I know many of you are far ahead of me in your transitions and have years of experience in the workplace as women. I am sure that you are treasure troves of advice and if you have any to offer I'd love to hear it. Thank you all for taking the time to reading this post and to Sandra and Nigella for hosting this very helpful website. I have learned so much from so many of you over the years and I am sure that is a significant contributor to why I am where I am today. Thank you all for the nice comments. I've never had a post on this site that had more than a handful of responses and was completely oblivious to the fact that there were a whole bunch of responses that I had not even seen yet. So sorry.

[Starling]

Just a thought here, Sara. As much as some unhappy folks yearn to return to the good ol' days when humiliating others for being different was winked at, I believe everyone--including would-be harassers themselves--benefits from workplace rules prohibiting it. This is certainly not to say that the men or women in your office would have behaved any differently in the absence of such rules; you are obviously well-liked and respected by your co-workers.

I think it's wonderful!

Lallie

[Aunt Kelly]

No need to apologize, Sara. On the contrary, you should be seeing all those posts for what they are, a celebration. Join the party!

[Richelle]

You look like any other women in an office setting. I can not wait until I am able to do the same

Richelle