A slap in the face

[Crystal 42]

Hi Ashley,

It's never easy being discovered, even worse when you can't control how other people find out. I learnt that the hard way and lost a whole bunch of friends which caused me to retreat further into my shell, purge and even contemplate ending everything so I really do feel for you. Over time I accepted it wasn't my fault, it was simply just the failings of some people being very close-minded. I've read a few arguments that state you should respect your father in laws rules but I don't see an example of his so-called manual of what is approved and what is not approved. Is it posted somewhere for you to see, perhaps on the fridge door? Personally I don't think it's your fault since he clearly can't wrap his head around the reality of the situation and quite of few of us will know that we can't always control our need to dress up. Your wife clearly doesn't have a problem with it and supports you.

I think there would be a more valid argument for your FIL if you'd been doing something inappropriate (unless someone is trying to say gender expression is inappropriate) but you weren't and you're right it changes nothing about you as a person but some folks sadly don't see that, they just make stupid assumptions and start to play the moral judgement card as an excuse for their lack of understanding. You could certainly try a letter or a face to face talk but I get the feeling from some of the things you've said it might be pointless. I personally would just move out because I don't like being around bigots but it's harder for you because you have to consider whether your wife is okay with being distanced from her father. I hope you work something out, but having to stop being who you identify as just to suit someone else's delicate sensibilities totally stinks and don't for one minute let him touch your clothes and throw them in the garbage, you have rights hon and that's your stuff. Stay strong!

Crystal x

[Jenny22]

Ashley, perhaps I should get more facts before making assumptions. Sorry. I wish I could be there to enjoy some soft shell blue crabs with you. Oh, oh. I just assumed you like them. LOL

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Ashley, in your original post you stated,"My wife has gotten on board with ashley from going in public to the bedroom even. I've had lots of time to dress and even company when doing so which has been terrific."
I presume "even company" relates to your wife's full support, and that in all Ashley factors, she's 100% supportive and with you all the way. That said, permit me some thoughts, questions and suggestions ...

How strong is the relationship between your wife and and her father?

Is it a loving one on his part?

How well versed / 'educated' is she on the factors that cause men to crossdress?

If all of the above is positive, Permit the following suggestions for your consideration:

With your possible help. have her write a loving letter to her dad, asking him to read it to the end, explaining the 'Ws" of her love for you, that you are the same guy he knew before the incident, that Ashley is a force in his life that he can't explain, etc., etc..

Then in closing, two things .. You can all meet to discuss openly and truthfully, laying all of the cards on the table, and if Dad wishes, a knowlegable therapist could participate to help clarify things.

At this time. I'd suggest not indicating moving out as an option.

Just offering food for thought.

[Tracii G]

marshalynn they are not snide comments but the truth.
If you wish to coddle and burp adult men with marital problems due to CDing go ahead but please don't judge Kirsi and I for being honest.
The truth hurts sometimes and OMG don't I know that but when it was given to me I needed to hear it, and now I appreciate the fact that person told me the truth and didn't blow fairy dust up my skirt.

[Krisi]

Krisi and Tracii -- thank you for your usual snide remarks. Marshalynn

Let's look at "support". Your good friend is an alcoholic and comes to you for support. Do you tell him "The world is being unfair to you." and take him to a bar and buy him a drink or do you tell him he needs serious help and take him to AA?

Which is supporting?

[marshalynn]

Just because people have opinions, that does not make them correct, honest or true, they are opinions, just the thoughts of one person. There is not one person on this site that hasn't made a bad choice about dressing at some time in their life. Ashley, I think is looking for a little under standing about the situation and may be some constructive thoughts, not ridicule. I hope that is what I gave you Ashley. Marshalynn

[Bobbi46]

Ashley if you want to rescue this situation at all. One thing I would ask is this, does your wife understand fully why you dress? and that also it is (and has been medically proved) part of our make up, inner self or whatever way you would describe it.
But if your wife does know the whys and the wherefores of dressing and supports you in this. Then surely you must have a united front in setting up an open and frank discussion with you FIL, it is obvious from what I read that he does not have a clue as to what makes us tick in this way.
If this discussion could take place and you were to explain fully and openly the ins and outs of yourself and ofdressing, if he is a reasonable man then surely he should understand and take on board what is being said and from there just maybe you can move forward as whole family unit instead of perhaps a broken one by what has happened.

[rian]

my dear sis
why don't you ask your father in law to have a private talk together and explain everything you told us now in the thread and tell him it is a hobby you love ...like basketball or any other hobby and it release stress ......i think he will understand