Some of us are divorced because we dressed-

[marlacd]

Well, they have a choice, too. Can't say I blame them. Mine was a no-contest. (Lucky me)

Anyhoo, a few of us for what out exes put us through about dressing, may have done a few nasty's to our exes, (or soon to be's) because they choose to get mean with our dressing. I did, because she changed her mind about what I could, or couldn't do. Many, many times.

Now, I bought several expensive dresses for mine. But, she never wore them. They did look good on her, I thought she liked them, she said she did. But they never went out of the house on her body. It wasn't my fault that she was the same size as me. I was good, hers was hers, I never touched them. But once she said I want out- then they were fair game.

One afternoon she called as I was dressed. She wanted to stop by to pick up a few things. So I got mean and put on one of those dresses. With some of her perfume. That went over real well-but I didn't care by that time. Oh well........

Ever do that? Get back at your ex just because? What did you do?

[Teresa]

Marla,
Not done it deliberately out of spite, CDing to me is not about that , I now prefer wearing my own clothes that I've been out and chosen to suit me.
CDing is mostly the problem with us separating , what I wear and when I dress is up to me then, but it will still not be done to spite anyone. It's going to be interesting how she wishes me to dress when she does call, not sure if I'm going to accept long distance DADT , why should I ?

[sometimes_miss]

Crossdressing was the single reason my ex stated when we tried marriage counseling. She came up with all kinds of other stuff for the divorce so it would proceed as fast as possible, and I, not wanting to be out, just let it happen. This was 20 years ago, now. But I don't think it matters. This is one of those NIMBY things; it's now tolerable to most people, as long as it's not one of those people who they're close to in their life. SO or father are probably the ones that freak out most relatives.

[suzy1]

You seem a little bit spiteful given the right circumstances Marla. Good for you! For a CD girl you seem quite normal to me?

[Jeri Ann]

Not just "dressing" but my being trans was the reason my wife needed to end our marriage. Our "no fault" divorce will be final in 45 days.

She has never even seen a picture of me dressed, that I know of, much less in person, and I have no intentions for her to. It would only upset her. I still care about her and she cares about me. We shared 25 wonderful years together. I cry very often as I go through the process of grieving the death of our relationship. But, in no way would I try to get back at her.

I can't help being trans and she is not able to overcome the influences of her culture enough to stay with me. It is what it is. I get that. So, we move on.

After I relocate to another residence in another city, and she wants to or needs to come over, then she will be stepping into my world by her own volition. I hope we can be friends some day. We have been friends a long time.

This is what I am doing.

Jeri Ann

[kimdl93]

No, I haven't. But then, my ex wasn't the type to deliberately say hurtful things. She tried to be accommodating and repressed her real feelings for so long that she came to the end of her rope.

[CarlaWestin]

I keep my karma right by never doing evil. So, I try not to initiate vindication. It's funny how things eventually pay back into the karma bank. I recently came out to my Daughter who thought it was fabulous. She is totally accepting, unlike her mother, the ex. It was reported back that mom couldn't understand why I had told her and thought it should have been kept a secret. Yeah, right. This from a person that lovingly did my makeup and got me dressed nicely in her clothes for what later became exhibit 'A' in her ill fated divorce case. Someone who took great pleasure in using my gender situation to slander my name. Last that I heard she wasn't in the best health.

[Ressie]

I'd say the CDing has been a contributing factor in some of my relationships ending including a marriage. But I can't relate to your story Maria. I never had that kind of experience.

[marlacd]

I wouldn't have, if she hadn't gone out on me. Toss a few other things into mix that we never discussed, (Like the fact that she hated my paid for home) it just made for a bad situation. One long afternoon discussion with my ex-mother-in-law, told me a lot of things she despised about me. Stuff that I has no clue about. What both of us did agree on, was that she had done a complete about face on everyone. Me, and her family. Oh well- I don't miss her.

[suzanne]

I have mixed emotions about all your situations. Really upset your spouses felt justified in putting you through all that, even trying to leverage your dressing against you in court. At the same time, I'm happy to know you emerged healthy and whole at the other end.

It's a cautionary tale for any of us, of how much we risk by revealing ourselves. You make it easy to understand those that stay deep in the closet. It's not just their own fear that keeps them there, sometimes it's absolutely justified. And I appreciate even more how fortunate I am with a wife who, by her own admission, "preferred to see me dead than in a dress" and now compliments me on my outfits.

Stay well and be strong.

[marsha leanne]

my ex went totally ballistic. yelling, crying, etc when she caught me dressed. We did talk, and went to counseling but the die had been cast. i wrote her a letter trying to explain but i myself was confused at that time, trying to understand why i did this 'thing'.

The fact i walked in on her lover,(now husband) was never brought out or even discussed. She had to settle for "no fault", "irreconcilable differences" on the divorce decree ending our 17 years together.

When she started telling people that we were breaking up, It was like she was assigning blame and separating herself from them as well. it was always whatever group she was talking to that was the fault. the model railroad club, the camping club. the church young couples club, the school alumni club. All these groups she blamed for my 'over involvement' and ignoring her. It seemed she was trying to hurt everybody and turn them against me for choosing them over her.

Except for my son, whom she constantly berated me to him, telling him several times of my 'aversion'. that did not work as he now has a better relationship with me that his mom. That was twenty plus years ago, and still to this day, although we seldom speak, there is still a 'chill' in the conversation.

[NylonMan]

My Wife knew about my dressing before we got married, she was fine with it, as long as it benefited her in the bedroom (If you know what I mean). In the end, when she went to a high school reunion and met up with her old high school sweat heart, that she decided that the dressing was a problem, and that I never told her about it. LOL Anyway, she left me and moved in with him within 2 months. It's very easy for them to use the dressing as an excuse.