No one could have predicted this

[SamanthaToday]

Wife and I were drinking wine on the deck and She asked me if I wanted anything out of a Avon Book.
So I looked and picked a Eye Liner brush that I seen on You Bube. She noted it and asked anything else.
I picked out a foundation color that I liked.
It was at this moment we both burst out laughing, Never could we see this conversation coming 2 years ago...
==========================
Hours Later.
Im so empty, I hate the tug a war.
The World hates Us.
im surrounded by love, yet its not enough.
I have so much to add but theres no point, it would take a novel.
I wish I could stop crying at times.

[Teresa]

Samantha,
I can't see in your profile if you dress at home or are out to the World .

You have and accepting partner which is lovely for you, so I assume you feel it's a tug of war because of what other people might think. I find that eases when you've been out there and met the public, many of the fears are irrational ones being carried around in your head. The World doesn't hate us it just doesn't understand us, the one way to solve that is be out there in meet them and talk to them, their heads are also full of irrational thoughts about CDing .
I hope you can turn the tears of sorrow and pain into ones of enjoyment , accepting CDing fills a huge void, once you've met other CDers you can fill that with their friendship .

[GretchenM]

I pretty much agree with Teresa's comments. Fear is a common issue for many of us and that can lead to a somewhat paranoid view of the world around us. The fact is, there are some people who do not like us and think we are lunatics. But a very, very large majority of the people in Western civilization are at least tolerant of us and a great number are accepting of us even if they think it is strange behavior.

Please keep in mind, our view of gender is often quite different than people who are not like us. That, in itself, makes it difficult for us to understand each other. My wife has said, "Why can't you just be yourself?" Clear misunderstanding. The correct answer is, "I am being myself. It is just that myself is different from yourself. I have more or less a dual gender identity. You have one. I don't understand how you can get along with one and you don't understand how I can get along with two." It reached her and we are just fine. I have limits, but so does she. It is just the way it is. In conclusion, I think the distress you feel is coming more from your personal conception of how it is rather than a perception of the way it really is. I think that is a major point in Teresa's fine response. More experience out in the world might well help.

[Tracii G]

We all have issues we have to deal with but it sounds like you let others opinions define you.
Also it sounds like you will never be happy because you won't let yourself.
How about stop complaining about your life and do something positive about it?
If you want change its up to you to make it happen not everyone else.
Like Teresa says the world doesn't hate us they don't understand us so its up to you to enlighten them with your presence.

[Krisi]

That's great, your wife is ordering makeup for you. My wife buys me clothing and jewelry but not makeup. She almost never wears makeup so the subject doesn't come up. I wear lipstick and beard cover and that's it unless I'm going out. I have eye makeup but seldom wear it. I mostly wear sunglasses when I'm ot in the daytime.

[Angie G]

That is kind of funny. My wife and I have done that with clothes.
Angie

[Jaylyn]

Wife and I used to talk about clothes in a similar way and when we were shopping she'd ask if Jaylyn needed anything I'd tell her. She has quit doing that now as we have aged. Guess she thinks I have enough already .

[SamanthaToday]

Sorry everyone, it was late and I was tired. Nothing worse than having a pity party for ones self.

[Dana44]

Samantha, Since your wife is accepting, do this. Plan a night out to he movies an then go to a late dinner. My SO and I did that the first time out. We ate at a cracker barrel and the waitress was fully accepting and talked with us. . You will find that most of your fear is in your head.

[Lana Mae]

See my thread "In our heads..." It is just a slight twist of this thread! It is mostly in our heads! Hugs Lana Mae Teresa is mostly right with what she said!

[Tracy Irving]

Sorry everyone, it was late and I was tired. Nothing worse than having a pity party for ones self.

A good night's sleep can really help.