Hi all
I've got my first appointment with a psychologist this week! As much as I'm looking forward to it I'm really really nervous talking to someone about who I am. It seems like I've been waiting ages with all sorts of things to talk about but now my mind is starting to do it's Tasmanian devil thing and I don't know what I'm going to say! Luckily my partner will be there to support me even if not in the appointment with me. Wish me luck!
Congratulations! And relax. First session is getting to know each other -- you'll do fine. The one question they'll probably ask is what you expect to get out of this. It's non-binding, it's OK if that answer changes over time. But that answer will help focus your thoughts. I always had the sneaking suspicion that my therapist knew *exactly* what I was and what I needed to do and they just wouldn't tell me. That's not the case. Their job is guide you to your own answers and help you find support along the way. I expect you'll enjoy it. I look forward to my sessions.
I am not a woman; I don't want to be a woman; I don't want to be mistaken for a woman.
I am not a man; I don't want to be a man; I don't want to be mistaken for a man.
I am a transgender person. And I'm still figuring out what that means.
Evie
Congrats on the start of your journey.
I never had a Psychologist or Therapist. I only had worked with Psychiatrists. Not sure there were any Gender type of Therapists or Psychologists back in the 70s.
I started my journey with Psychiatrists when I had to go see one when I was about 13, Don't remember how many times. Got in trouble with the local police, and the idea of CD or something was found to be at the basis of it.
At age 18, Next was when I entered the US Navy for induction, Don't remember what became of that. By that time I learned to feed them what they wanted to hear, and that continued with all the rest.
At age 22/23, Next was when I was outed as a CD in 72/73 still in Navy, First time I talked about the CD, But they saw nothing wrong or bad so back to work I went.
At age 25, Next was after military and was required to see one to get my security clearance upgraded. Again talked about the CD and maybe still trying to figure out where I was going. But saw NO reason to continue with that.
At age 25/26, Next was when I knew where I was going with the whole CD/TS identity, He was recommended as some one who worked with TS, Worked with him in both my male mode and female mode. This was when I could more talk and reason of my need to transition. This was for my letters to a possible surgical team.
At age 26, After a preliminary accept with a surgical team, Had to visit their Psychiatrists for more tests.
After SRS I think my early acceptance of myself I never felt a need to see any Psychiatrists any more.
I now see many friends going to a variety of Psychology people.
I think the prolong waiting to accept themselves they have a variety of things to talk about.
I usually handle all my problems or wonder by talking with other people. I have thought of visiting a Therapist of some sort about my mental changes since my partner died in 2014, part of it is related to that and my increase in emotional or sexual needs since then. Just to get some fresh ideas. My friends have not been able to figure me out.
Pat
You say you look forward to your sessions, you seem to be well a where of who you are. I have a very close friend (that I confide in) that sees a Psychiatrist and Therapist, I try not to pry into what she talks about. What is it that one would still need to talk about. I make my decisions in a quick and focused manner and can live with them.
Last edited by Georgette_USA; 08-30-2017 at 01:24 AM.
Good for you, it took me almost 10 years after joining this forum before I was finally ready to talk to a specialist about all of this. Just be honest with yourself and them and remember you only get back what you put it. There is nothing wrong with who you are and they are not there to judge you so no need to be worried. Good luck!
Georgette, I'm having a hard time reading your post as other than dismissive of therapists - perhaps gender therapists in particular. Like you, I was dragged to a variety of psychiatrists (and psychologists) as a kid. None of them had a clue or helped me in any way. (Of course, it didn't help that I wouldn't talk to them ...) But a gender therapist, in my 50s no less, sorted me out in no time flat - first and foremost by NOT focusing on gender. She treated me for severe depression and then proceeded to dig through a number of other co-morbid conditions. That left me with clarity, full clarity, on gender. "No time flat" was about 6 months, a seeming eternity to those who want letters and prescriptions on the first visit, but I wouldn't change things one bit. I'm happy you had the clarity you did. We all suffer in different ways and require different types of help.
Evie, just be open and completely honest. My therapist's first question (for which you might want to be prepared) was "what do you want to get out of seeing me?"
Best wishes!
Lea
LeaP
I may have a bias against the whole idea of Psychology. Have NO reference on Therapists Gender or not. I have always learned to rely on myself. Have a trust issue with most people. That is why I am debating whether a Therapist could help me or not.
If others feel they can get answers from the whole Psychology field, than go for it. But as many say they give you no answers, just help you make your own.
I do hope Evie finds some help in time with all that.
Evie, I doubt that much that either I said or Georgette said is anything new. There ARE therapists who have agendas, who are poorly-educated, who lack empathy, who are all theory (or worse, simple opinion) and no practice skills, etc. Against that are the knowledgeable, and as skilled at the practice of their profession as they are deeply emphathetic.
Psych practitioners exist to treat you. This is far more than merely getting at answers, just as a lived life isn't reducible to a set of actions. "Answers" - e.g., perspective, direction, decisions, consequences, accountability and agency, what you know about yourself and what you do not - and a million other things - are not reached via formulas. Just as not all patients (or clients) can be reached by one set of analysis techniques or treatment modalities, not all practitioners have broad enough or, conversely, specialized enough skills for all patients.
Take the typical person presenting with a gender issue of some kind. What does an educated therapist know right out of the gate?
1) Most presented gender issues have nothing to do with gender identity issues! (Read the literature.)
2) Those WITH gender identity issues don't always know it!
3) Those who do know it and who have reached adulthood generally have a variety of other issues ("co-morbid") that arise from social, familial, ethical, cultural, and other conflicts.
4) Co-morbid syndromes are often rapidly diagnosed, e.g., social anxiety, depression, borderline personality disorder, OCD, and more ... but the specifics of why THOSE manifest in THAT individual, how they interplay, and how to work them out isn't remotely apparent at the point of diagnosis, but for limited cases and circumstances.
5) The workout of co-morbid issues may - or may not - resolve or clarify any apparent gender issue.
6) A formal gender diagnosis does not imply solutions or direction for that patient.
7) Gender dysphoria intensity (or lack thereof) also does not imply solutions or direction for the individual patient.
8) While *I* believe true gender dysphoria is solely attributable to mind-body conflict, despite common usage, what passes for GD - and is often quite severe in its own right - is not limited at all to those with cross-sexed identity.
9) As "the gender population" (I'm being deliberately vague) is known to have extraordinarily high suicidality problems, some probing along these lines is called for.
10) Certain conflicts - like religion - are notoriously treacherous for both practitioner and patient alike. That's all I'll say on this, given forum rules.
11) Sometimes the most certain are the most deluded, e.g., Walt Heyer.
12) Of all gender patients, a minority will have a "genuine" - as in inborn or persistent - gender issue. A minority of THOSE will want (or need) to do something about it other than understand it. A small minority of those will need to do something about it socially, e.t., PT CDing in public, and even fewer transition. Yet another minority will need to do something physical, e.g., hormones and/or surgeries.
13) Marriage and family are enormously complicating. (Surely this doesn't need explanation.) Options range: separation and divorce, various custody arrangements, marital/relationship counseling, grief counseling, anger management, and more ...
... That's enough. There IS no one set of answers. There IS no one set of rights and wrongs. Some conflicts persist and must be managed. Some damage cannot be undone. Even the "right" decisions, once made, guarantee nothing by way of results.
I always had my answers, too. They led me, too, to trust issues. And to social, personal, and emotional isolation, anger and depression, even cruelty sometimes. All justified in my own mind. I think the curse of the late transitioner is that most of us find ourselves in an impossibly complex prison labyrinth of our own making. The blessing of a good therapist is that they bring just a enough light and some navigational skill to help us get out of it and stay out of it.
You know, the "answers."
Evie, assuming YOU have found a good therapist, you are in for more of a journey than you can imagine, because it's quite possible that almost everything you think you know about yourself is completely wrong.
Lea
Admitting to the truth of oneself is the hardest part.
Thank you everyone for your support!
Well, I've had my appointment now and I'm feeling really positive! My therapist seems fantastic! She's around my age, seems genuinely open-minded and accepting. She was kind enough to allow my partner in with me too - mainly for moral support (well, I was terrified beforehand!) but (s)he did help a lot with some questions I had trouble answering myself.
I don't want to get ahead of myself but I really think these sessions will really help!
I did get asked 'the' question that's been mentioned too... all I could say was happiness, or at last some inner peace.
Anyway, given that it usually takes me a while to take to and talk to someone I think I did pretty well. I'm really looking forward to my next appointment - I'll try to keep this thread going with updates (forum rules allowing, of course) if anything helps me that might help anyone else; I know I'm pretty damn lucky to have this opportunity with a therapist who seems really really good!
Thanks again everyone. x
Its gets easier every time but if you challenge yourself and work at it, you won't event think about talking about in a couple weeks. I noticed that last week with a brand new therapist. Told her things that nobody knew and it was all just coming out with not filter or shame.
I had my first appointment 3 weeks ago, after being in a waiting list for 18 months - the South-West centre is overwhelmed due to the changing acceptance of trans in the UK. It was a basic history-taking and at the end I was asked what I wanted. The next day my doctor started prescribing me Estradiol, so i'm well happy. I'm expected to attend psych sessions regularly, but it seems variable, depending on your need. I'm reckoning to be on the least-frequent sessions side of things, being out in all life aspects for nearly 2 years now.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dJFyz73MRcg
I used to believe this, now I'm in the company of many tiggers. A tigger does not wonder why she is a tigger, she just is a tigger.
thanks to krististeph: tigger = TG'er .. T-I-GG-er
I should have said, my partner was there mainly for moral support (and would have stayed in the waiting room or left the room at any time I asked), but also to help give my therapist some info I may have forgotten and some context to our relationship - my partner is FtM trans but hasn't been able to start working towards transitioning for various reasons. I'm going to be doing the next few appointments myself. I can be a bit of a wuss sometimes, but there are things to be talked about with my therapist that (s)he either doesn't need to hear or doesn't want to know (the gory details of my train-wreck of a marriage for starters). So that's where I am at the moment. Trying to stay happy and looking forward to Friday!Originally Posted by VanTG
Hey all. So to update from my second appointment, plenty of things discussed that I'm not going to talk about here. However, talking about other people's reactions was interesting. It got me thinking if other people notice a CD/TS person and if the did, would they actually care? Also talked about hat is stopping me from allowing myself to be who I want to be. That's going to take a while - coming out where I am could be problematic. But that's my food for thought this week.
Oh, I shared a pic with my therapist too - the same one as my profile pic. She said I look naturally very feminine, which was a nice extra lift for a Friday morning!
Very glad that you've had a positive experience in your counseling sessions. Remember there is no "timetable" and if coming out is your eventual goal, you get to decide when and how far you go. Enjoy the trip!
Remember always that you not only have the right to be an individual, you have an obligation to be one.
Eleanor Roosevelt
Evie, most do not care (actually, most don't notice). It's a transitory event for those who do, unless an individual is really weird-looking for some reason. ... a few come to mind, unfortunately.
Lea
The perception and reaction of others can be a tough hurdle to get past, I struggle with that too. I also totally feel your pain about not living in the best area to come out and live authentically. Ultimately, kimdl93 is spot on. We are in control of our lives, our stories, who we tell, and when. It seems like you have a supportive partner and a supportive therapist who will help you work through these issues constructively. It seems like you're doing great and I wish you only the best on your journey.
Well I decided to visit a Therapist myself, seems like everyone does it.
Our first session is pretty much what I thought, hard to give a 66 year background in 50 mins. One of her areas is "Sex Therapist". Have had many questions since my partner died 3 years ago. Just seeing if she has any other ideas that I have not been trying myself.
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