I went to a support group meeting recently for the first time and I was really uncomfortable. The other members who were attending were very nice to me and tried their best to make me feel welcome but I had a brain freeze and I found it so hard to make a conversation. I probably mumbled a few times. I could not even say my name out loud clearly when introducing myself. I wore a sleeveless dress with all the accessories that we need to look like female and tried on some basic makeup like lip gloss and a light coat of nail paint for the first time. I felt overdressed (and overstressed) and I sat tight although there were others who were more comfortable in more casual clothes. I know I do not pass but it was the support group's monthly meeting which had like minded folks and I was very very very conscious for the whole time. I also almost chickened twice, first from the parking lot and then from the front door, but then I went in to find a very welcoming small group of people in a room. I left early saying that I got to be at work early tomorrow morning. On the drive back, I was very nervous and just wanted to come back home and not have any of the neighbors see me outside. I am not out to them. I don't know what to make of the whole thing. I do want to go back another time but I am also very hesitant. Are these mixed feelings, nervousness and confusion normal?
Interestingly, someone said at the meeting that a majority group of trans and cd members in the group were in engineering or construction. I was quite surprised to hear that because most of my engineer friends are very typical old fashioned oxfords and tie wearing manly men. They only talk sports or engineering even at get togethers, but who knows, everyone has their secrets!
