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Thread: New Therapist wants me to dress?

  1. #1
    Aspiring Member Fiona123's Avatar
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    New Therapist wants me to dress?

    I've started with a new therapist. She is incredibly supportive. For the first two visits I went drab. She suggested on Wednesday this week that I bring or wear a feminine article to the next appointment. I thought maybe I will carry a purse and wear a scarf. I have not ruled out a dress or skirt. The clinic is about 70 miles away in another city. Any thoughts or suggestions?

  2. #2
    Platinum Member Angie G's Avatar
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    You got the O.K. so why not dress for it Fiona. Enjoy what you can in life.
    Angie

  3. #3
    Senior Member
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    If you are comfortable with it go fully enfemme and make a day of it.

    That's what I do when I can.

  4. #4
    Member Karen's Secret's Avatar
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    I saw a therapist for a time and after a few sessions we quickly got to the point where I needed to just accept who I was (finally) and perhaps come to therapy dressed as a first step. It was really about me not feeling shame and guilt about being a crossdresser as opposed to dressing full time or anything like that. Well.... I didn't do it and instead stopped going to therapy. The reason was my wife was not ready for that step and I was starting to feel shame and guilt for causing her that anxiety. Kind of a circular feedback loop. If you have no other obstacles in your way I highly recommend you go dressed or dress there.

  5. #5
    Senior Member Tracy Irving's Avatar
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    I don't see a downside so wear a skirt or dress to your next appointment and have fun!

  6. #6
    Silver Member IleneD's Avatar
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    Fiona,

    An old axiom of mine (mostly for my male life)... "If someone asks if you have super powers, the answer is always YES.'

    Dress? Dear, take a suitcase.
    You know where this is eventually going. You love being dressed up. You WILL continue to pursue dressing en femme. You know if you receive the least bit of support, you ARE dressing. Use those super powers. It's why you have them.

    And if your goal is to "cure" yourself of this CD-Thing, perhaps find another therapist.
    Frankly, I am dying to go to a gender therapist, especially since the wife is grudgingly accepting my beautiful condition, but my impression is that most gender therapy and practitioners seem to encourage more CD and identify dressers as TG.
    Good luck. Hugs.
    There resides within me a Woman, and she is powerful.
    She has been my Grace and Bearing on the stormiest seas.
    I could no more deny Her than I would my own soul.

  7. #7
    Platinum Member alwayshave's Avatar
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    Fiona, I don't see the downside to fully dress. But in the end, its what you are comfortable with.
    Please call me Jamie, I always_have crossdressed, I always will, "alwayshave".

  8. #8
    Member greeneyes's Avatar
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    Wow...I am still stuck on the 70 miles away sentence!!! That is really far to travel weekly! whew!

    I agree, if you do not have any other obstacles...wear a skirt with that scarf and purse!

  9. #9
    Gold Member Read only Rachael Leigh's Avatar
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    Fiona I've just started going to a gender counselor and I did not hesitate but go dressed. For me I think it opened me up
    I couid feel comfortable and be more myself. It of course is your decision but my guess she has a reason she suggested it

  10. #10
    Mannequiniste ! Stacy Darling's Avatar
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    Hi Fiona, My best suggestion would be to look at your comfort factor. The more comfortable you are when in session the more productive and relaxed the session should be. After 50-60 visits this year, I still go in very colourful drab, full make-up, nails and a scarf, that's my therapy comfort style. I don't want or need to go fully dressed and neither my therapist or Psych need me to be dressed!

    So my suggestion for you would be your favourite scarf and possibly some very light / or a hint of make-up. "Just be comfortable and be yourself"

    I'm glad you have a female therapist ( not being sexist ) It has made it easier for me to open up to a female.
    Best of luck with it,
    Stacy!
    STOP, Well I just dance the way I feel
    Stop breathing imagine none of this is real

    Well I just dance the way I feel
    Well I just dance the way I feel
    Well I just dance the way I feel
    "Ou Est Le Swimming Pool"

  11. #11
    Queen of Chinatown jennifer0918's Avatar
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    Go en femme

  12. #12
    happy to be her Sarah Doepner's Avatar
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    I had several issues I was dealing with other than my gender identity, but at the end of the second meeting my therapist suggested I arrive as Sarah sometime. I did at the next session and it allowed him to eventually help me parse out the various issues as they were all connected. Once I was able to talk to him without gender identity being in the background, but right up from and accepted, it was possible to deal with the basics of the other stuff without that interfering.

    Besides, when the appointment was early enough I could spend the rest of the day or evening shopping, getting a bite to eat or going to a movie.
    Sarah
    Being transgender isn't a lifestyle choice. How you deal with it is.

  13. #13
    Platinum Blonde member Ressie's Avatar
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    Since she asked you to wear a feminine article, anything more than that doesn't sound like a good idea to me. Maybe she wants to see your reaction to the request and going totally en femme would be overreacting.
    "You're the only one to see the changes you take yourself through", Stevie Wonder

  14. #14
    Senior Member faltenrock's Avatar
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    if you feel comfortable with the therapist, I would go completely as a woman.

  15. #15
    Gold Member Lana Mae's Avatar
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    I agree with the others to go dressed! BUT, there is something to think about with what Ressie said! Maybe make the one item a dress! Best wishes! Hugs Lana Mae
    Life is worth living!
    "Foxy lady! You look so good!!" Jimi Hendrix

  16. #16
    New Member Littlebee's Avatar
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    comfortable is the word. I believe you need to fell ok...If going en femme is what you feel it is right..than go for it...i would love to go, but i do not know if i have the courage!

  17. #17
    Transgender Person Pat's Avatar
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    Turn off the head voice that screams about all the fearful things that will happen and examine you heart as to what would make you happiest. There are no tricks or traps in therapy -- this isn't a test. They're trying to help you find comfort or figure out why you deny yourself something you say you want. You could wear something as simple as a necklace or a non-obvious piece of clothing. I mean, sure, you could also go fully dressed en femme but I'm guessing that wouldn't give you comfort, it would give you anxiety. This exercise is a step along the road.
    I am not a woman; I don't want to be a woman; I don't want to be mistaken for a woman.
    I am not a man; I don't want to be a man; I don't want to be mistaken for a man.
    I am a transgender person. And I'm still figuring out what that means.

  18. #18
    Gold Member Alice B's Avatar
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    I think you should fully present your female side. That is what your therpy is all about.

  19. #19
    Isn't Life Grand? AllieSF's Avatar
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    I started my short term therapy en femme and always went that way. But then I never hesitated to go out from the very beginning when I first started all this 10 years ago. For you, it is your decision, but as others have said it really helps get to the point and that is the "point" of therapy. Getting there helps with the treatment and success of the process.

    IleneD, I do have a question about your general statement "...but my impression is that most gender therapy and practitioners seem to encourage more CD and identify dressers as TG." Where did you get that impression? Was it from personal experience, friends, this site? The reason I ask is that there is a strong tendency here to sometimes opine on things where one really does not have much experience at all. I believe from my own experiences (personal, friends and acquaintances, and this site) that professional therapists/counselors do not make snap judgements that one is TG/TS just because they want to "encourage" a CD further down the road. They are professionals, with the typical minimal number of quacks as in any other professional and certified careers, who listen and work as professionals and give good solid advice over the course of therapy.

  20. #20
    Just can't help myself! Brenda456's Avatar
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    It should depend on how you feel. If I went outside in a dress, mothers would grab their children and run off telling them not to look, law enforcement would be called and I would be publicly mocked and ridiculed. Okay, I may be exaggerating, but the point is that it depends on your comfort level. If you are comfortable, go for it. If not, consider changing at the therapists office. Or, give it more time. It is your call.

  21. #21
    Aspiring Member Fiona123's Avatar
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    Thanks everyone for the input. Because of scheduling issues I have plenty of time to decide. You have provided many of options to consider!

    Regarding Ilene's comment and Allie's response: I self identify as TG and told the therapist as such.

  22. #22
    Aspiring Member
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    For my last therapist appointment, I asked if I could go dressed and she was OK with it, so that's what I did. My therapist is a similar distance, and I had to drive en femme. Alas she has retired since, so I have to find a new one.

  23. #23
    Silver Member
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    I go on occasion to my therapy fully enfemme but i also usually dress for most sessions with some articles of women's clothing i.e. bra with forms under a plain tee with plain leggings or maybe just the bra under a men's tee. I believe that any TG/GV therapist needs to be comfortable with their clients crossdressing and mine has said that she notices some changes in my behavior, like more eye contact, a bit more focused...
    You need to wear what you feel is best for you at your next session not what others would or could wear. I also change when I gt there to a more femme appearance in their restroom (check if that would be OK).
    Glad to hear things are going well.

  24. #24
    Member rian's Avatar
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    bring the women dress with you and change when you arrive at her office , then remove once finished ...that is the safe way ,,,yet if you like just go as a woman ,,and see what happens ...good luck
    Cross-dressing is a cross between woman's soul and man's heart.....

  25. #25
    Member Anne K's Avatar
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    Fiona, my first visit with my therapist was in drab, though I did try and look more put together than most men. My therapist asked me if I wanted to come dressed. I told her that I did, but the shared receptionist really gave off bad vibes. She told me that she had heard that before. I decided to throw caution to the wind and dress for the next appointment. When I entered the office, to my surprise the receptionist was gone! Problem solved. Actually, it really didn't matter because I intended on walking up to her and engage her in conversation.

    If you are comfortable seeing your therapist dressed, do it. That 70 mile drive sounds brutal. Should I assume that you are in a rural area? Would you drive the entire distance dressed? That may be a nice way to settle the jitters and be comfortable in your skin.

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