In the book 'Whipping Girl' the author actually makes a point of stating if you are going to gender counselling with the hope of assistance in transitioning you need to dress as the sex you desire to be a soon as possible, as in the 1st appointment. The book really makes a good point of it, thus I would agee, go dressed!
Genny B
Dani (Genny before Transition)
All Girl!
I always went dressed when I went to my therapist, except for the first visit. I felt if I didn't go dressed what was the point. So if you feel comfortable with it go dressed.
I enjoy being a boy, being a GIRL like me!!!
Go dressed, but only if you are comfortable with doing so. Do it in your own time. Don't do it just because the therapist said so.
That being said, I went to many therapy appointments fully dressed. But I brought a small duffle bag, dressed and put on my makeup in the bathroom and returned to boy mode after the session to go to work,
One of the therapists that I went to told me I was gay on my first visit. She was wrong. She was also a quack. My next therapist said no professional therapist could draw that conclusion after only one visit.
Hi, I'm Steffi and I'm a crossdresser... And I accept and celebrate both sides of me. Or, maybe I'm gender fluid.
Fiona123,
Your therapist is giving you the green light to express your 'true' self. My thoughts are that there are a couple reasons for her suggestion...
1. she is telling you that it's OK to be you.
2. she is interested in finding out your comfort level in expressing your feminine self.
3. she is encouraging you to challenge yourself to be more 'out' - even if only marginally.
Or maybe not...
I'd suggest to simply do what YOU feel is best for your comfort/happiness, and don't worry.
There is no pass/fail grade here.
You have her OK to be yourself, so go ahead.
So that is the real question (for the OP) - Why are you going to a therapist? Are you looking for someone to tell you it's OK to dress as a woman? Why? What is this therapist going to tell you that you can't figure out on your own?Originally Posted by Jaymees22
Not the first time I've heard that. I understand why people think that's a reasonable viewpoint but it kind of explains the actual role of a therapist. When you're only talking to yourself, you can build some pretty high fantasy castles in your mind. Those structures dissipate rapidly when you have to voice them out loud to another human being. It's the old, "It sounded a lot better in my head" meme. And, in fact, a therapist isn't going to tell you anything really -- they're just going to shine a light on the spots you've conveniently or inadvertently overlooked in your complex mind-structure or else they'll point you toward information that you had perhaps been unaware of. But in the end, the therapist doesn't tell you anything - you still figure it out for yourself - but you have the benefit of having external validation. That's a valuable thing.
I am not a woman; I don't want to be a woman; I don't want to be mistaken for a woman.
I am not a man; I don't want to be a man; I don't want to be mistaken for a man.
I am a transgender person. And I'm still figuring out what that means.
Pat,
Very good explanation of the value of see a therapist.
Michele
Yes, Pat, an excellent and succinct explanation of what a therapist does. I LOVE seeing mine and look forward to every session. Wish I had done so years ago.
BTW, my wife is a therapist (different specialty) and having her level of conversation and compassion is truly a gift. Still, there is the SO Filter. Having a gender dysphoria therapist has been incredibly valuable.
So does a therapist "cure" gender dysphoria ?
No. Gender dysphoria is unhappiness with your gender role. Only you can "cure" that by changing that role. A therapist helps you find your way to that solution. And it's worth noting that when I say dysphoria is unhappiness, it really rises to a level 'way beyond dissatisfaction. Dysphoria is a level of unhappiness that negatively impacts your life. Dysphoric people avoid others, don't go out, get into substance abuse, do physical harm to themselves, etc. That's why therapy is indicated.
Last edited by Pat; 09-02-2017 at 10:23 AM. Reason: clarity
I am not a woman; I don't want to be a woman; I don't want to be mistaken for a woman.
I am not a man; I don't want to be a man; I don't want to be mistaken for a man.
I am a transgender person. And I'm still figuring out what that means.
Krisi,
Gender therapists don't only help those wanting to transition but also clients who are gender variant or gender non-conforming, the whole spectrum. They help you work it out for your situation. Going to therapy but not wanting to is rarely productive. The client must be open minded and forthcoming, that is why you need to be comfortable with your therapist and have a desire to be there.
This is not for everybody, but I too look forward to my sessions.
I'm on my second therapist. This new person is way better. I genuinely look forward to the appointments.
Fiona,
I have to admit my last visit to my gender counsellor was going to be a difficult one, she was an lovely lady and I had become attracted to her, so to to make it easier I slipped off my male socks and shoes before reaching her office and peeped round the door to say hello and then dangled my blue swirl heels in front of me , she nearly dropped off her chair laughing and then insisted I wear them during the session . She as surprised I was so comfortable knowing I was under dressed in stockings suspender belt and panties with matching cami . At one point she did ask to try the heels on . The parting was that much easier but I did give her a bunch of pink roses and she ended up giving me a huge hug .
Krisi,
Some of us do need that step to come to terms with the turmoil going on inside our heads . When you're in a DADT situation with no one to talk to you don't have a choice, I have no regrets , it gave me the strength and confidence to finally go out socially. What you believe in your head is sometimes different to the truth and it's not always easy to see that . Cynical comments don't help some members they need to know they are doing the right thing not question if they have any value .
Last edited by Teresa; 09-06-2017 at 07:05 PM.
Fiona, If it doesn't feel like a good match you were wise to move on. For us they need to be trained and comfortable with what we do to properly council us.
As several others have said, dress as you feel comfortable. Therapist wants you to bring a feminine article or two with you? Bring a favorite necklace or bracelets .... wear your comfy old mom jeans or that blouse you've been saving for a special occasion. I don't know if going full-on en femme would be good for this appointment, but maybe you could ask if at the next one, would she like to see you as YOU see yourself, and then dress the part. She's not there to judge you - she's there to listen to what's on your mind and to help you get it all sorted out in your head. Think of her as a secretary sorting mental files, getting even the most insignificant detail in its proper place so that everything makes more sense and not just a jumbled mess.
My appointment was yesterday. I wore jeans, panties, a bra with padding, a lacy camisole, a black T-shirt and a silk scarf. Also, I carried a small purse.
I wore this "outfit" all morning until noon. This was the first time I dressed en femme during the day outside. It was thrilling. My therapist was pleased. She encourage me to dress more.
While I was driving towards the clinic I was stopped and then approached by a police officer directing traffic. I opened my window and he came up and gave me directions for a different route to the building that avoided some construction traffic. He didn't say the thing otherwise.
Congratulations! That has to feel pretty good!
I am not a woman; I don't want to be a woman; I don't want to be mistaken for a woman.
I am not a man; I don't want to be a man; I don't want to be mistaken for a man.
I am a transgender person. And I'm still figuring out what that means.
I am glad everything went well.
Do like many of us do, dress for the trip (70 miles!!). Then, when you get there, decide if you are determined enough to wear it inside. I know you'll be debating it the whole trip down there, so pop out of the car before you can change your mind and head for the door. You'll be marching proudly by the time you get to the building.
And I bet you not only felt beautiful, but looked beautiful. Pictures, woman, pictures!!!
Fiona, One reason your therapist recommended coming dressed as yourself is to see how you act in that mode, and also to help you get used to it and to see if you have much difficulty doing it, internal turmoil. As your recent post clarified, that was your first time out dressed during the daylight. This is all good experience that will definitely help you understand more about yourself and if you are what you feel you are. Thanks for sharing and keep up the good work.
At this point my therapist and I are leaning toward gender non compliant. At my last appointment I was planing on going full femme me (haven't done that in a while), like when I go and get my hair styled but other obligations made that impractical so I tried something a bit different. I wore women's black leggings, plain off white striped tunic and when I got inside I added a lacy miniskirt. No makeup other than lipstick and it felt great and was enlightening. I think we are zeroing in on gender non-compliant.
Not that this necessarily makes things easier.
If you are going to a gender therapist but they don't/won't let you come dressed, I say run for the hills! IMHO
Maybe I need to find myself a therapist (been thinking of it anyway), so I have a legitimate place to dress up and go to.
I'll take any excuse to don a dress and go out and about.
There resides within me a Woman, and she is powerful.
She has been my Grace and Bearing on the stormiest seas.
I could no more deny Her than I would my own soul.
The only excuse you need is called life. Just get out there and do it.
Like a corpse deep in the earth I'm so alone, restless thoughts torment my soul, as fears they lay confirmed, but my life has always been this way - Virginia Astley, "Some Small Hope" (1986)
Sunlight falls, my wings open wide. There's a beauty here I cannot deny - David Sylvian, "Orpheus" (1987)
I once had a therapist that when I went to my appointments I deliberately kept my clothing as close to androgynous as possible just to avoid causing her any discord or drama with her other patients. After about a month of this, she asked me why I always came dressed so subdued, and when I explained, she said that while she appreciated the sentiment she questioned whether I wasn't as fully committed as I said and was using that as an existing to hedge my bets, as it were, and challenged me to start coming not only as I normally dressed, but actually as "girly" as I go. She said that if I felt uncomfortable with that, that there may be issues to address so it was therapeutically relevant. So the next visit I showed up in a yellow and white sundress, three inch heels, and an eye-grabbing hairdo, and came an hour early in order to sit in the waiting room for a good while. When she saw just how at ease I was throughout, she flipped the whole thing and told me to come to our next appointment dressed as a man, which although it required me to go buy men's clothes I did; I was antsy and on-edge the entire time despite my best efforts to control myself. So you see, sometimes therapists push us in certain directions because of the diagnostic and therapeutic value of our responses and reactions. Besides, any good therapist is going to try to get you to step out of your comfort zone in some way, and often for the purpose of prodding us into taking hold of what we really desire but are holding ourselves back from for some reason.
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