Just out and would love some advice

[Scarlett1975]

Hi there lovely people, sorry if this is a long and rambling story. Recently my wife has been exploring her dominant side sexually which include many things such expected of her slave (me) . I suggested I'd happily try anything and in conversation me dressing as a girl came up. I then confessed to her that I had tried her heels before to which she was surprised but OK with , she then asked me to go buy myself a dress and highest heels I could find. I went to local op shop and found a pretty black dress and purple 6" heels, I'm pretty sure the people there were judging me but I didn't care. That night my wife asked me to dress for her, I felt naked and asked if she was sure as once it's done it can't be in done but she wanted to See Me. she took pictures and asked me to dance, well I hate dancing as a man but I was dancing, prancing, jumping and leaping all in heels I had never worn before properly. It felt beautiful and I was smiling for the first time it felt like. I danced and paraded around the house for a few hours like this. The next day we had a lot to talk about, my wife is Asian and where she is from men like me are gay which I don't feel I am, I answered her questions as to weather im gay or not or feel like a girl. During that day some memories came to surface of my older brother dressing me in mums clothes and after that me taking mums pantyhose and masturbating as a young child. Now here is the problem am I gay? Do I need to have a label? For me I'm a very sexual person and have always loved women shoes and clothes and prefer to buy my wife stuff then myself which might explain why my wife has an impressive collection if heels regardless if she wanted them or not lol. I've also always loved looking at tv/ts girls and actually dated one once, it was wild, yahoo and hot until i started questioning my sexuality and stopped seeing her. I still don't identify as gay or bi as I have zero attraction for men although having said that I could if my wife wanted me to have sex with a man while dressed up but still to me it's just sex and probably will never happen. So yesterday a wig my wife ordered turned up and again last night I was asked to dress in different clothes and sing for her, again usually this would be a no go, but I did as I was told this time with a wig and heavy make up. We then sat and talked about where this is going. I have often felt if we were to split up I would turn into a girl full time which surprised her but it's because I don't want anyone but her so if I couldn't have her I'd just try to look like her or something. Now I feel like something is coming out, I want to be more careful, do my nails, be a bit gentler and less angry. For years I have suffered from depression but now I feel different. As I sit here in bed with pretty pink panties under my man clothes I'm confused. I love my wife but she married a man not a women. I've given her a free pass to have sex with real men should see what to which she declined but I just want her to be happy? Any advise? Am I gay? Should I just put this all away? I know i have figures hide this at least from my young kids but part of me wants to go outside dressed.

[Melissa73]

my advice, be who you are! as crossdressers, we are all different! Some dress for relaxation, some for fetish, and still some feel female. Official terms of whom we are are not what counts, as long as you are being your true self! as for being "GAY," do you enjoy looking at men?


Hugs Melissa

[Tracy Irving]

You are not gay just because you wear women's clothing. Most who do, aren't. You ask about being gay multiple times. So, if you are not attracted to men at all and would only be with them if forced by your wife then you aren't gay. You probably aren't even bi. You may be bi curious and in denial. I have no idea. You don't need a label to identify with. Just be happy and enjoy the ride.

[Scarlett1975]

Thanks for the quick replies, no I dont look at men or find any attraction and actually as a man fund myself very ugly and hate to even look in the mirror but dressed as girl I think I look OK and at least have great legs. As a man struggling with depression I did not babe one nice thing to say about my body or myself.

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Thanks for the quick replies, no I don't look at men or find them attractive at all. Actually as a man I find myself ugly and hate to look at myself. With depression I was unable to find anything positive but now dressed as a woman I at least think I have great legs and am feeling more positive although a bit confused

[Dana44]

You are a cross dresser and your wife is supporting that and with sex even. What more could you want. Going outside not a problem with her and if you want to keep it from the kids. That might be harder to accomplish. But you can plan it.

[Fiona123]

You are normal! You have a healthy diverse sex life. I did not read anything in your post to lead me to think that you are gay (it's no problem if you are though). Keep exploring with your wife. She sounds great. Enjoy the journey together.

[Tracii G]

90% of men that crossdress are straight and usually married with children.
Just because you like to wear womens clothes does not have anything to do with your sexual preference.
Wearing womens clothes will not "make" you gay.
If you aren't attracted to men sexually then no you are not gay.
Its really simple and why people have a hard time understanding that I don't know.
You would be best to be the man your wife married and just have fun in the bedroom and enjoy the kinky factor between you two.
You are experiencing a lot of questions and trying to figure out too much at one time. Try to figure out an answer to just one question get that sorted out then move on to the next one and work on finding an answer for that one.
Seems like you are over reacting and really have no idea whats going on and how to fix it.
Why on earth would you give your wife a green light to have sex with other men?? Thats asking for trouble and her possibly contracting a venereal disease that could spread to you as well.
Your kids don't need to know anything IMO. and why on earth would you tell them anyway?
See a therapist and get a handle on all this before you ruin your life. Just my opinion mind you and you did ask.

[Micki_Finn]

Are you attracted to men? No? Congratulations, you're not gay. There are lesbians that find other ways to be happy , that doesn't make them straight.

The first thing you have to do is separate gender identity and sexuality in your mind. Being trans of a crossdresser has NOTHING to do with who you are attracted to.

You are obviously going to have some sex and lifestyle questions, but to be honest I don't know that this forum is the best place to get those answered. There are many Kink oriented websites that will probably have better answers to some of the questions you have/will have.

[Stacy Darling]

It's a bit early in the morning for this but hey!

Firstly, who really cares if you are Gay, straight or a freak! As long as it's what you want, you love yourself, your partner and life!
It's YOUR LIFE!

On the Anal torture; My first wife was extremely dominant, the anal started out OK but gradually became degrading and painfully abusive. So make sure you know where the line between sexual pleasure and abuse is! You'll probably know if your face gets forced into the pillow!

I also think, as Tracii has already pointed out that giving your wife some free pass to have sex with others to me is just plain @$£% stupid!

Good luck with it though!
Stacy!

[Sarasometimes]

Tracii wrote what I would have written, so just reread her post.

[Scarlett1975]

It's up to her if she uses it but honestly I doubt she will, however considering my new lifestyle I think it would be wrong to judge her should see change her mind, thanks everyone for the great replies it helps

[rian]

my dear scarlett Im like you , when I dress i love to feel like a woman and treated like one ,,,but like women and not men but accept to receive with a crossdresser like me ,,,that is not gay but may be bisexual ..you are a girl and what make you depressed is because you hide your real identity ...a girl ..let her out ..tell your wife you want to be more out most of the time I think she will accept ....be yourself ...

[Scarlett1975]

I'm scared to let her out more, going to start with panties 24/7 and see how I feel, my absolute favorite thing though is ridiculously high heels, can't really wear them without raising a few questions haha but life is too short for boring shoes lol

[Tracii G]

I think the whole thing is just a sex fantasy for you and not much more.
I doesn't sound like you have much of a gender dysphoria of any kind.
Also I would venture to say you are bi curious and not gay.
You are basically over thinking everything you are feeling plus making up scenarios to try and justify things you are doing/feeling.
Your imagination is in high gear and you are driving off a cliff.

[Scarlett1975]

Thanks tracii I'm sure my wife would be very happy if you were correct, I'm not sure if you read my whole post about my past of dressing when younger plus many other things too. I've never been a boys boy, I hate pubs etc, I just don't identify with them at all and have always found girls easier to get along with but in many ways I hope your right I guess time will tell

[Nikkilovesdresses]

I'd agree with Tracii that your post sounds like a fantasy and I suspect the writing of it aroused you, so I find it hard to take you seriously.

What I do think is that given your history of depression, your desire to be dominated and abused by the person you live with, your poor self image, and the fact that you say you've encouraged your wife to sleep with other men, you seem to be locked into a circle of self harm.

If that's how you want to live the rest of your life, ok.

[Vickie_CDTV]

Why would your wife want to have sex with another man just because you crossdress? Didn't she ask you to dress to begin with? Crossdressing for fun is not being a transsexual, you don't cease being a man, she didn't "lose her husband."

[Scarlett1975]

Honestly this is the last place I thought I would be judged, I bow to your experience though and hope your right, I feel happy now I guess I will see what psychologist says, thanks to those who didn't judge and offered support I do appreciate it, and to the rest may others not treat you in a similar way, have a lovely night girls

[Leslie Mary S]

You are lucky. It was your wife that really got you started. Enjoy what you have. Many here are not that lucky in having a supportive wife.

[girlyman1977]

any woman who is down with me dressing and wants to be my domina in bed I have no issues with that. I do expect dinner first however as I do have standards.

[Scarlett1975]

Haha yes dinner first, in relation to our sexual adventures plus the hall pass I feel it is all related to dressing, I wanted her to do it a while ago and she hasn't and probably won't but I think maybe sub consciously I wanted to offer her a real man, I will explore this with psychologist this week but it makes sense to both of us.actually all of the dressing now makes sense with benefit of hindsight we can see there were many triggers

[LeannS]

Scarlett you are one lucky lady enjoy what you have