Hi All

I have been reading a lot lately on how people have ultimately shared their secret with their significant others and how that has panned out.

I have a slightly odd situation in that I got divorced about 2 years ago. All amicable and we remained friends. I didn't dress during a 15 year relationship as I felt guilty about it and didn't want to do it behind her back although I was certainly tempted many times. I have been dressing from about the age of 8 until about a year before we met. We got divorced as we found we were just at each others throats all the time. She moved out and I started dressing again. I was dressing 3 or 4 times a week for prolonged periods and obviously loving the bitter sweet new found freedom.

Meanwhile she has a psycho for a neighbour and one day she is attacked by him. She rings me up and tells me what happened and long story short I get arrested and was remanded on bail and couldn't visit her or the kids. (Charges were dropped) I didn't want them living there next to this madman so the next day I said you need to move back in and sell the house. I said you can live here as long as you like while you find somewhere else. So the ex and the kids all moved back in and over the months we found we were getting on much better as friends and decided to stay living together as it was financially more viable, better for the kids and we liked each others company. There is no chance of getting back together romantically as that would be a disaster and we have no intention of doing that either. We both don't fancy doing the whole dating thing again either.

So to my dilemma. Well you can guess that now that she has moved back in my dressing days are over but this time I really don't want to stop so I am on the verge of telling her I crossdress and that I owe it to her to tell her and that I want to continue doing it and probably explore it more by perhaps going out to the odd venue etc. Not looking to meet up for sex or anything just purely for the thrill of having girly nights out with like minded people.

I can imagine that she won't be very happy about it. The first thing that will come to mind is that she will blame me for the marriage failing because this was always in the background and I wasn't honest with her which is fair enough but I would argue that because I didn't dress during the relationship I didn't lie to her and therefore didn't need to tell her. She will most likely not believe I didn't because one time she said I looked like I was wearing makeup even though I definitely wasn't but anyway a tough story to sell now the cat will be out of the bag.

I have no need to involve her in my dressing at all either which I know can really be a problem and an understandable one at that. I am more than happy to dress when she is out etc. I don't even want her to see any pictures of me unless she is very accepting of the whole idea in which case I don't mind sharing a little.

So a few questions for you lovely people:

1. Is my approach the right one by telling her and saying that I didn't lie to her as I didn't dress even though she wont believe me.
2. We are already divorced so will this soften the blow. Anybody else have experience of telling their ex-wives, girlfriends?
3. Does a DADT scenario work well or are there always undertones of "I am going out for the day and I know what you will get up to so I am in a mood already?"
4. Can I trust her not to tell anyone? She is a very decent human being and trust worthy but not sure she will need to confide in a friend in which case I doubt it will be a secret for long. Were you worried that she would tell others?
5. Is a letter better or is that a cop out. Is there a better way and time to tell her than another?

Of course I am open to the possibility that she will be great and accepting and life will be great from here on in but I doubt it. .

I know its a bit long but I also know that you all give such great advice on here I wanted to make my predicament detailed enough.