Please Help. I need some advice from a CD point of view...

[Karen's Secret]

I guess I'm going to be the Debbie Downer of the group. People involved in "escort" services are almost always engaging in prostitution. The reality of the world of prostitution is often one of drug and alcohol addiction. You don't mention if he, or you, uses drugs now or in the past. He clearly is at least bisexual so that is one issue you know about and need to decide whether that matters or not. I don't believe the rationale that he didn't really do any escort stuff because he never got past the texting/payment stage. That sounds like he's telling you just enough truth to cover what you found out on your own but keeps him from going any further. Have you considered paying to have a criminal history check done on him? I think that would be a reasonable step to take. Frankly I think there are too many warning signs for you to ignore.

[Vickie_CDTV]

I cannot fathom a GG paying for an "escort", trans or otherwise, as a legitimate "escort" or for sex. That just isn't how life works. If he told you that, he is really really really stretching the truth.

As others have mentioned, you really need to have an STD check, and insist he does as well.

Needless to say, do not move in/mix finances/have children/marry this person until ALL of your questions have been answered satisfactorily.

[TheHiddenMe]

I can appreciate your point. I was searching him/her because I am/was curious and wanting to understand. He had told me that he had a blog and that was initially what I was looking for, which he even told me he expected me to do that. I have looked up lots of things he has suggested from other conversations, and when i told him what I found even he was surprised that it was still out there. No, I didn't tell him right away exactly what I found, because there was actually a lot (pictures - some of which I had seen, a video - nothing bad, the blog I mentioned and the escort info). I don't see it as an invasion of privacy if it is out there on the internet for anyone that knows him to see, though. I didn't go through his personal things, I wasn't looking at his laptop or call phone, just the net, and thankfully he didn't see it that way either. It might make me sound bland and boring, perhaps even by comparison, but he knows all the sordid details, albeit different, of my past and if he did a search of me there is nothing to find. I am pretty straight laced and vanilla, as it were.

Thanks for clarifying. There is a big difference between searching for information and being suspicious about someone's past, and I was assuming the motivation was the latter and not your reason, so that is my bad.

Also, if he/she told you it was out there, and go have a look, then he did want you to know about everything, and I think that is a good sign on his/her part.

There is a saying, "desperate men do desperate things." Sounds like he/she had some desperate times and made some choices that with 20/20 hindsight he/she wouldn't do again and didn't wish to discuss.

But what all of this tells me is that you have a great deal of tolerance, acceptance, and a wish to understand him better. Sounds like to me 1) he's lucky to have you, and 2) you see a number of positive qualities in him/her that you wish to better understand him/her so that your relationship can move forward. Perhaps the best approach would be to focus on the positives that you see in him/her and forgive/forget any past transgressions, with the idea that he is no longer the person that chose those actions.

[Aunt Kelly]

Anyway, that was longer than I intended, I apologize, but again I want to thank you all for reading my post and offering your support and thoughts.

You have nothing to apologize for, honey. Nothing at all. You are a remarkable person, truly one in a million, in taking the patient and open-minded approach you have. You boyfriend is lucky to have you in his life. You can tell him that I said so and that he had better treat you like the treasure you are.

Thank you for sharing your story with us. That must have been difficult and scary. Fortunately, you have found a community of people who understand, intimately, what you and your boyfriend are going through.
I can add little to the excellent advice my sisters have shared already, so I will wish good luck in this new and very different chapter in your lives. I sincerely hope that it works out well for the two of you.

Hugs,


Kelly

[Cherylgyno]

Little G. When my wife caught me I was extremely nervous. That was in the mid 80's.
At times (as the song goes) love hurts. You are in love and you deserve all of the answers. I hope that everything works out for you.

[Julie Slowinski]

You are a remarkable person, truly one in a million.

I second that!!! He should never forget how lucky he is to have you in his life. Please tell him that for me.

[Littleg2]

I realize at this rate I am starting to sound like a bit of a broken record, or at the least quite redundant, but I just wanted to say thank you again for the replies, concerns and kind words.

We had the STD talk months ago before we were ever intimate, and while this did raise my concerns, we have talked about it again. I believe that he wasn't involved with anyone else sexually, I do believe he was troubled, confused, desperate and at a very low point in his life and was given some terrible advise by his so-called "friends". I will be careful though, thank you.

TheHiddenMe, I think there is a possibility he wanted me to find it because it was easier than him trying to find the words and the way to tell me about something so deeply embarrassing and shameful for him/her. And being that he was so willing to talk and clarify and answer any and all of my questions, I have to give him credit for that. How would one tell these things? It was heart-wrenching to hear his story and know how low life took him before I ever met him.

Kelly and Julie, you are both so sweet to offer me such compliments (not sure if I quite that deserving, it made me blush). I will do my best to be continue to be as I have been and continue to show my love and support for this absolutely wonderful person I have in my life. I truly have never felt more loved or adored by anyone, and that to me is worth everything.

xo - g

[Jenny22]

He said he never went out as an escort (particularly as a female). Maybe this thought might help to affirm his statement. Is he 'pretty enough to pass as a female escort"? Why? If not pretty, and he knows it, too, men would generally NOT want such as a female escort. Make sense to you?

[Judy-Somthing]

My wife knew I dressed now and then before we got married but felt it was fooling around, which it was but it was something I did since about five.
The after she was only comfortable with it only during Halloween! So I kept it hidden and stayed in the closet.
I would say I'm not a crazy person, it's just fun. It's not going away so I'm back in the closet!