I want it all the time.

[somestimeskaren]

Lately all I think about is dressing.I have recently shopped for a couple of new wigs at a wig shop and had a cosmetician at a local department store help me choose the right foundation ,concealer,and powder.I did both while in drab.I've taken an"I don't care attitude" .At one time this would have freaked me out but now I just want to do whatever it takes to satisfy my crossdressing needs.I often go for a drive while dressed at night hitting a drive thru or getting out for a short walk.I almost want someone to see me.I'm going to venture out during the day soon for a drive .I think about it all the time and I know it's going to happen.I'm starting to feel like I want to share this part of me with someone.I've talked to another crossdresser I met on line who actually lives in my small town but when she suggested we meet for coffee I wasn't ready.I'm ready now I just hope it isn't too late.My Karen time is all I think about on the weekends,it was just a Saturday night thing but now it's Friday ,Sat ,and even Sunday and I always dress with full makeup.I love this part of my life,I'm single so there are no restrictions to my dressing,I can dress whenever the desire hits which is quite often lately.I pray that the desire won't fizzle and leave me saying OK that's enough time to move on.

[Teresa]

Karen,
It has surprised me how the need has become stronger when you would think it should be dying down. I'm married but mostly through my CDing needs I will be separating to start a life of dressing more. Ok I'm ahead of you in so much I already go out and meet others socially but I still want more.
I don't believe it will fizzle out it just becomes more normal and comfortable, yes you do get the feeling of I'm not bothered who knows and what they think.

If you get the chance again to meet up take it and maybe go a step further and find a social group , that really does bring a balance and meaning to CDing. Choosing clothing and accessories to more than dress at home then has some purpose when you do go out, getting it right is a challenge but an enjoyable one. Shopping and interacting with SAs becomes easier because you are more relaxed they sense that and are usually very helpful.

I want it enough to build a new life round it, finally satisfying an inner need is the bottom line for me, I can't say what road it will take me on in the future .

[Aunt Kelly]

Teresa is right. Community makes expressing your fem side better. I have always been more comfortable in the company of girls/women but I was still an outsider. Being one of them, or at least treated as one of them is a whole new thing. I think you will like it.

Hugs,

Kelly

[Heather Anne]

Now that I am retired I have started dressing about twice a week, usually Wednesday and Saturday. I used to belong to a support group in the Atlanta area. About 3 years ago I left the support group for personal reasons. At the present time I am happy and content and completely satisfied with the way things are so don't plan on making any changes any time soon.

[Tracii G]

There a bunch here from Ontario Canada.
Try not to go out too late at night there is a much bigger chance of bad things happening.

[CONSUELO]

Karen,
It sounds like you have a combination of "pink fog" plus a true realization that you just want to be yourself and not hide any longer. Go for it and let your feminine self flower.
Teresa gives some sound advice, get out and meet some other cross dressers in your area. I'm sure there are lots of groups or resources you can turn to and I suggest that now is the time to use them. It will help you keep grounded as you go through this rapid change.

[Tracy Irving]

I often go for a drive while dressed at night hitting a drive thru or getting out for a short walk.

If you want to go for a short walk, may I suggest a park with a walking, jogging, biking path. The people you encounter won't pay attention to you as they are exercising or getting some fresh air. As long as you don't dress to draw attention to yourself you can wear almost anything. Bring some coffee in a spill proof container and your walks could start getting longer. You may even find a bench to sit and people watch.

[Tracii G]

Tracy makes a great point dress to blend and not like a dime store hooker with 6 inch heels.
As much as you might like dressing that way( if you do ) its not appropriate for a walk in the park.

[Meghan4now]

Karen,
It sounds like you have a combination of "pink fog" plus a true realization that you just want to be yourself and not hide any longer. Go for it and let your feminine self flower.
Teresa gives some sound advice, get out and meet some other cross dressers in your area. I'm sure there are lots of groups or resources you can turn to and I suggest that now is the time to use them. It will help you keep grounded as you go through this rapid change.

I think Consuelo is right. It's that mix of exuberance and self realization, with both good and challenge that comes as we go through this journey. Rest assured that this is pretty common for us. Finding people to share this with is important, we are not islands. That can drive decisions like asking for foundation help when in drab. While I wouldn't want to bridle your enthusiasm, you may want to take a calculated approach to coming out to anyone who is not part of the community. Also, remember that not everyone who shares an interest will be your best friend. Not to be a downer, but that is an area that has blinded me in the past, and not just in the area of crossdressing.

[Jean 103]

So this was the question I was looking for the answer to a few years ago. Now I'm out and live as Jean. Everyone is on their own path. Try and avoid the whole hiding in the shadows thing hoping for a little acknowledgement. If you are looking to be out in public you have to get past the fear. I think the best and safest way is retail shopping. Bright lights, standing in line, and making a purchase. This is something you do all the time in your day to day life. Why should it be any different just because your wearing like a dress. You know why, fear. Go to big chain stores and just buy something, it really doesn't matter what it is. It's the experience of doing it dressed. Once you have the fear under control, I think you will find the whole world opens up. The other way is through groups or making friends with other transgender people. I was already out and living as a transgender person when I became part of a local support group. I don't go there for support I go to offer support. When I need support I go to my friends. After the fear comes acceptance. This comes in lots of forms, from you accepting yourself to others accepting you for you. I wish you well , and that you have a safe journey.

[kimdl93]

Don't worry about any ebbs and flows in your desire to dress. That's normal. Once in a while most of us find it happens. But, while you're feeling motivated, comfortable and confident, you may as well enjoy yourself!

And I do understand the desire to be "seen". Humans are social animals. We not only want to be seen, but need interaction with others. Getting out, meeting and interacting, whether with other CDrs or with people in general can be the most enjoyable and fulfilling aspect of our experience.

[docrobbysherry]

I would suggest visiting your local gay or counter culture clubs/bars, Karen. I can't pass and neither do many of the T girls that I meet regularly at our local club and those we visit in Vegas.

If u want to not only be seen but to interact with friendly folks and possibly other T's!

[CONSUELO]

Karen,
Kim mentioned the ebb and flow of cross dressing desires. She is right in saying that is something we all experience to a greater or lesser degree. So don't worry if your desire ebbs and don't interpret the ebbing to mean that you should stop dressing and get rid of your female clothing; the dreaded purge syndrome. As Jean and Teresa have pointed out several times, despite the ebbs and flows the desire will probably strengthen over time.

BUT do enjoy yourself on this journey.

[Maria 60]

I to started out driving fully dressed at night, it felt really awkward putting on a wig when it's not Halloween. I started going for drives more often and I started feeling comfortable with the wig, so much so that I started driving in daylight. Got comfortable with that and of course looking for more I took a chance and found a quiet gas station and for the first time I got out of the car. Again looking for more I don't even look for a quiet gas station anymore I just get out for all to see Maria. The problem now is how much longer until I get bored of gassing the car and will be looking for more, there is going to be a stop sign coming up and a discussion is going to be made on how far I want to expose myself and taking bigger chances may involve me getting seen. The stop sign is nearing and I will either have to stop or take the chance and go. We always want more, that's the problem and now I may lose my desire knowing I probably will have to stop at the sign.

[curvious]

There was a time (about a year ago) I was in absolute fright and panic at leaving my hotel room. Someone would be waiting, watching my door through their peephole... Terrible things were ahead. Well once you get it all out of your mind, it starts to become more normal.. I had a guy hit on me last night in a hotel parking lot. I was dressed simply in a black skirt, a shirred blouse, stockings and 3" heels. I just looked straight ahead and kept walking (Though very thrilled). I do find that women are more apt to strike up a conversation with you as well. I still only go out in the evenings-not yet ready for the daylight.... but I, too, am fighting off the demons in my head..

[Emily Myers]

I've been finding myself constantly thinking about crossdressing the past few weeks. I've been browsing stores online non stop, and dressing whenever I can for as long as I can. I find that whenever I am going through a hard time personally, the urge to dress gets stronger. I find it so therapeutic, and love being able to be my genuine self!